I'm curious, if you knew you wouldn't "pass," would you still transition anyway?

[pidgeontoed]

This topic is very disheartening, as it hits a pretty deep nerve for me. I've been feeling lately that I would probably agree with those about suicide. If I felt for the rest of my life the way I felt leading up to coming here and seeking help, I couldn't bear it. I have strong-willed feelings against suicide as I'm a member of the local To Write Love On Her Arms chapter at my university and have "Here's to life" tattooed on my arm. It would save me for awhile, but I just wouldn't know how long I could bear it. Sorry to be another Debbie Downer in this thread...

Gee. If I couldn't transition because I couldn't pass, I'd still do all that. I'd just present as "male."

Kelly, reading your post made me smile In that situation, I would probably do the same thing and do my best to become active in the community. It's been something I've been thinking about a lot since coming on here and figuring myself out. Now I have a reason to speak up, a cause to really push for. Heck, that might even invalidate what I typed above. I can guarantee, though, that I would be a hot mess every day lol

[Nurse With Wound]

I was thinking about this like yesterday and it had my really depressed all crying and stuff. The conclusion I came to was that regardless of if I pass or not, transition is making me happier and so I would still continue regardless, though I'll never be truly comfortable in my skin until I feel I make a passable preferably attractive woman.

Though it's pretty common for I think trans people to have spills of "Woe is me, I'll never pass, just like at this huage man face" and then spills of "Damn girl, you looking fiiiiiine~" I know it happens to me a lot.

[Rabbit]

When I started transition, I was pretty sure I would never pass (and still feel that way)... but, meh, I am ok with it.

Since I knew that the effects of hormones were so random, I decided to go into things in a "one day at a time" type of approach. I don't know where I will end up, but as long as it is in a different direction than where I was headed... I figure I am ahead

[fionabell]

It depends if you are single or not.

If you have a family don't do it.

If you are an only child and therefore the one hope of your parents, then don't do it.

Transitioning is a luxury. A luxury, people have done without for 1000's of years.

If it's going to destroy your life, don't do it. There are more important things in life than touchy feely gender identity.

I'm transitioning because I can. I feel I will look reasonably alright. It makes me happier and calmer than being a man and I have no responsibilities which I'd be shirking.

It's not a scientifically proven or god given right to me. I do feel feminine on the inside but that's about as much justification I can attach to it.

[Bird]

Fionna:

I feel my feelings of dysphoria were so overwhelming, I had no other path to follow but do it or end my life. What you said surely applies to you, but not to everyone.

For me, it is not a touchy feely identity as you mentioned. Anyway, I suppose if transition was simply NOT possible, I would find other ways to struggle, but I feel it is such a basic need, that I'd simply do it no matter what odd was stacked agains't me.

[Kim 526]

I would.

[Nurse With Wound]

I've got to agree with Bird with the feelings of dysphoria being so overwhelming. It's not something I'm doing because I can, because it's not an easy path to take, it's something I'm doing because I know I have to.

The way fionnabell seems to see it is that if there's someone else in your life you shouldn't pursue a path that will be rocky but inevitably make you happy (at least that's how I read her post), provided on your experience dysphoria, I know that for my it was and still is terrible crushing feeling that it has me in tears several times a week, it's not a "touchy feely" thing that could just be brushed off. Like I said before I transition to feel comfortable in my skin, I'm not transitioning for my family and they shouldn't have any effect to slow me down.

Just because you have a different experience of transition doesn't mean everyone else is the same.

[EmmaM]

I would transition and people would have to F'in deal with it. Hell, I only pass 70% but I work and live as a woman anyway. I'm a girl, they won't get anything else. They adjust.


Edit: Fionna's post made me laugh. I totally ripped those guidelines apart. I'm better off for it now. Winner.

[annette]

I have to agree with Emma, the post of Fiona made my day.
I hope she wasn't serious, but only joking.
I have no other way to interprete it.

[fionabell]

Edit: Fionna's post made me laugh. I totally ripped those guidelines apart. I'm better off for it now. Winner.

I wasn't setting guide lines. Quite the opposite, in fact. Saying ,I 'm doing it because i can is a lot less limited than adhering to political motivated fake science.

I'm just trying to add some honesty to the discussion.

[fionabell]

I've got to agree with Bird with the feelings of dysphoria being so overwhelming. It's not something I'm doing because I can, because it's not an easy path to take, it's something I'm doing because I know I have to.

The way fionnabell seems to see it is that if there's someone else in your life you shouldn't pursue a path that will be rocky but inevitably make you happy (at least that's how I read her post), provided on your experience dysphoria, I know that for my it was and still is terrible crushing feeling that it has me in tears several times a week, it's not a "touchy feely" thing that could just be brushed off. Like I said before I transition to feel comfortable in my skin, I'm not transitioning for my family and they shouldn't have any effect to slow me down.

Just because you have a different experience of transition doesn't mean everyone else is the same.

What I'm saying is, betray people who depend on you if you want but I won't believe you that you had no choice and neither will the mainstream.

[fionabell]

Fionna:

I feel my feelings of dysphoria were so overwhelming, I had no other path to follow but do it or end my life. What you said surely applies to you, but not to everyone.

Who are you to just that my dysphoria is any less than yours ? My life was garbage before i became Fiona. I've had a teribble time, but if becoming trans wouldn't be better I wouldn't do it and neither should one single other person.

For me, it is not a touchy feely identity as you mentioned. Anyway, I suppose if transition was simply NOT possible, I would find other ways to struggle, but I feel it is such a basic need, that I'd simply do it no matter what odd was stacked agains't me.

It's always me me me with us westerners these days isn't it?

[fionabell]

I would transition and people would have to F'in deal with it. Hell, I only pass 70% but I work and live as a woman anyway. I'm a girl, they won't get anything else. They adjust.


Edit: Fionna's post made me laugh. I totally ripped those guidelines apart. I'm better off for it now. Winner.

You use a males belligerence to express yourself. You boast and bluster. 

[EmmaM]

You use a males belligerence to express yourself. You boast and bluster. 

Damn right. I learned hyperbole and confidence from my father.

Ungender it.

[JenJen2011]

Have I posted already? I don't know. Oh well, I'm too lazy to check.

I probably wouldn't if I knew I wouldn't pass. For me, it's not only important for others to view me as my targeted gender, but also for me to see myself as my targeted gender in the mirror. Without that, I'd be miserable my entire life.

[EmmaM]

I should clarify. It took a long time to ungender it.

You, as a person that transitions because you want to, profess that another should not?

[Jeneva]

It depends if you are single or not.

If you have a family don't do it.

If you are an only child and therefore the one hope of your parents, then don't do it.

Transitioning is a luxury. A luxury, people have done without for 1000's of years.

If it's going to destroy your life, don't do it. There are more important things in life than touchy feely gender identity.

I'm transitioning because I can. I feel I will look reasonably alright. It makes me happier and calmer than being a man and I have no responsibilities which I'd be shirking.

It's not a scientifically proven or god given right to me. I do feel feminine on the inside but that's about as much justification I can attach to it.

Who are you to just that my dysphoria is any less than yours ? My life was garbage before i became Fiona. I've had a teribble time, but if becoming trans wouldn't be better I wouldn't do it and neither should one single other person. It's always me me me with us westerners these days isn't it?

What I'm saying is, betray people who depend on you if you want but I won't believe you that you had no choice and neither will the mainstream.

This first post was incredibly offensive.  You basically told several of the posters here that they should not transition.  And then when they said they had to or die, you accused them of saying theirs was worse than yours and said you didn't believe them.

None of us transition because we "felt" like it.  Some of us had different coping mechanisms, but to claim that we can't transition unless we followed the one true path is ->-bleeped-<- than thou.

Personally I had been fed so much misinformation that I felt no transpeople could ever pass.  And yet I still found myself having to admit that I could not longer repress those feelings even if it mean others would call a big hulking hairy man in a dress.  It wasn't until I actually started researching modern transsexuality that I realized that I had been fed a load of LIES.  But before I even had any idea I could pass someday, I knew I couldn't deny it any longer.  Now having said that, if I never passed and was constantly mocked it may lead to a shorter life after transition, but I was willing to be that mockery to others as long as I was true to myself.

[Jay-Bird]

Well this is rather interesting as I am dealing with this very topic right now.
I have absolutely no idea if I will pass or not, and I am not just saying that either, its not a me me me thing by any means.
I drove myself to the point of madness, trying to give myself some sort of reassurance that its gonna be ok and I will pass one day, but truthfully I dunno, it really could go either way. I am still on HRT, I did decide to go ahead with everything anyway despite not knowing the outcome.
I don't really know how anyone knows if they are gonna pass or not before they start, unless they are already extremely androgenous or fem looking or very young for that matter. I passed the young part as I am starting at age 33, and so far as facially I have some traits that could fall on either side, hence my unknowing. One thing is for sure, I do not pass right now, and I do not even try because there is no point, its only been a few weeks on hrt, for now I am ok just dressing in a way that I feel comfortable.
Also to Fiona, its not a choice, well at least for me it wasn't because if I didn't do this I wouldn't be here now. People have done without for thousands of years?? um, I think not, history tells us a very different story and across many many cultures. Maybe your post was in jest though and I read it wrong.

Miya

[Embla]

In a way, I think we start to transition on the inside, long before we start working on the outside.

But to answer the question, yes, I'd take hormones and be myself in the places I could be, and keep hope that I would be able to pass someday.

[Amalina]

I'm really new to all this still but this is one of my biggest concerns. I could handle not having family or old friends if needed. It might be vain or stupid but if I was to do this and transition I would need to feel satisfied with the results. I know I wouldn't last long otherwise.

I don't know what I'm planning yet still working things out, I am pretty sure I won't be able to ever pass satisfactorily for myself. An example since I'm too paranoid to post a pic. There is another thread with a face matching/sex matching fun app. I know it's not perfect, it said I looked 50 something. Though it nailed what I already thought, I got 98% male and closest celeb match was Zach Galifianakis, who if you don't recognize the name is the overweight bearded guy in the Hangover movies Alan. Just doesn't seem the type to pass.

I admit I haven't shaved my beard since high school so I don't know how that would look but I do know I'm too big structured.

I can't say for sure what I might do. I'm on medication already for suicide and depression from before I even realized this or admitted it at least to myself. In fact I wonder if those medications have cleared my head enough to see what the missing part of my life is. But I really feel like something out there is just pushing me harder and harder towards that end, since every time I take a step back from the edge something comes along and shoves me closer than before, even by giving me clarity of myself to a point. Logically though if I can't have a decent life as I am now, and spending the time and hurt for myself and others on transitioning just to fail after, why waste the time and money and feelings? I know others would disagree even without knowing me but I just don't think I'm worth enough for that.

I'm sorry for being long winded and probably depressing.

TL;DR- Bottom line on the question is that right now it's a no, but I'm still confused enough that I can't say that is set in stone. And don't worry I don't plan on any ends in the near future, just not discounting that option. It's one I've held onto almost half my life.