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Yes, you pass. Ummm, no you don't.

Started by JenJen2011, December 16, 2011, 03:17:02 PM

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0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

eli77

Quote from: Beverley on January 25, 2012, 10:36:11 AM
I would not agree with that statement either - it is too bald a statement, but I would say (and have done) that self-confidence is the biggest SINGLE factor in passing and that for MANY of us FFS is unnecessary.

I do not totally exclude FFS - even my post above this one concedes that FFS is needed sometimes.

Beverley

Really? 'Cause I don't have much confidence. I'm shy and nervous and I look it. And it doesn't make any difference at all to my passability.

I think people who display more confidence are given a pass. I.e. because they present an aura of confidence people go along with it. But that really isn't quite the same thing.

Passing is a very physical endeavour. I gender people based on their voice, their facial structure, and their body shape. You can't use clothing or makeup as guides really in queer communities, 'cause some guys wear makeup and skirts and some girls don't, so it forces you to be a bit more aware. And worse you are dealing with people who slide around on the edges even in a physical sense - lot of gay girls with low voices, and guys with high voices, for example. This is why it's a hell of a lot harder for trans* folks to pass in queer spaces. And I spend quite a bit of time in those spaces these days.

I guess I don't really know what confidence is supposed to do in terms of altering how people actually gender you, as opposed to whether they are willing to call you ma'am. I suppose some folks don't really care about the difference, but I do.
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J R D

I've always thought confidence just made you a less vulnerable target for those who have issues.

Heck, I know people clock me, but most all will stilll ma'am me or call me hun or dear or whatever as I put forth more than enough of a feminine presentation that they can do that without feeling all icky. At least that's my impression of it while dealing with so many of the same people on a mostly daily basis.
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wendy

Really good post.  Like Bishounen's comments.  Thread sent to me by my online therapist and friend.

My last surgeon got to point of being unethical in selling me unneeded procedures.  I told him I am TG but will live as a male.

Maybe had 12 procedures on my face for over $40,000.   Looks very good too.  Friends both trans and GG told me I looked cute before and I still look cute.  I still pass 100% of time as a male without a wig, without makeup and in male clothes.  Makes me sad that everyone calls me sir. 

Wanted a mastopexy to lift my trans saggy 40c breasts and make them nicer 40b breasts.  Doctor put equivalent weight of 1 gallon of milk under my pecs and I now have pretty 40DD breasts and still mostly present male.  I was totally spaced out on valium and hydrocodone and told him no but he kept asking and finally got a yes.  He knew I lived as a male.

If I dressed up as a female before or after surgery I was reasonably passable except for voice which I am so self-conscious to talk female  that I end up talking male voice or just nodding my head or smiling.

I frequently go to bank, and shopping as a gender bender.  I wear androgynous female attire without a wig and without makeup.  Sometimes people giggle when they see me and I am addressed as sir.  If they are sensitive they call me friend or honey.  I prefer gender neutral restrooms.

My trans friends and therapists tell me be either a male or female but society does not accept anything but binary.  This is true society only accepts binary.

I know trans people that pass 100%, 80% and 50% if they try.  Some could present as I do and would be considered a female.  I have one famous therapist that frequently still gets called sir and she politely states she is trans and it is Mame.  They say oh I am sorry Mame almost every time.

Finally almost every person I talk to is nice to me.  I do volunteer work in elementary black schools.  Almost each time I volunteer a child of kindergartener age will ask my gender.  Boys ask if I am male and girls ask if I am female.  They are nice but curious.  I think if I tried and trained my voice I could get to 80% pass.   Many areas that are trans friendly will call you mame if you make an effort. 
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AbraCadabra

@Jamie,
honey, quite serious now - you look fabulous, with pleasant female body proportions.
That's such a GIFT!
I find it pretty hard to think, judging from your avatar, you EVER would get clocked.

Great! So happy for you!

Axélle


Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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J R D

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on January 25, 2012, 12:16:12 PM
@Jamie,
honey, quite serious now - you look fabulous, with pleasant female body proportions.
That's such a GIFT!
I find it pretty hard to think, judging from your avatar, you EVER would get clocked.

Great! So happy for you!

Axélle
Thank you. People do tend to have varying things that they cue on for gender and casually, I'm fine, they would rarely ever suspect I am trans. I even have a fairly pleasant feminine voice unless my sinuses are acting up and I have a difficult time even speaking at all then. But I do still have a bit of brow bone and at times, my adam's apple can be seen. I think most of my issues are with a profile view of me though. 

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cindianna_jones

Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 16, 2011, 03:17:02 PM
Recently I've been reading posts from several girls telling other girls they "totally pass", "definitely pass", "you look all woman", etc and then I look at the pics they're referring to and perhaps something is wrong with my eyes but I just don't see it.

I don't want ya'll to take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to be mean or make any of the girls feel bad, I just don't think it's right that we lie to them. I wonder if these girls are saying it just to be nice? Or maybe my transdar is too strong and I know what to look for? Like some people tell me I pass but I don't see it.

Now, some of these girls are totally pretty but pretty=/=passable. So, maybe they're mixing the two?

I don't know. Maybe someone can enlighten me a bit.





I haven't read the entire thread. Passing is so much more than a pretty picture. It's your personality. I know GG's that totally act like men and are often mistaken as such. I'm a tomboy. I rarely get "sirred" unless someone is approaching me from behind. I still have broad shoulders. From the front, I never have issues.... and I dress mostly in androgynous clothing. I'm very polite to people, use their names (like if they wear a nametag).... I do all the things that men would likely not do. I have a friend that I never would have thought could pass. She gets strange looks sometimes, but gets along just fine. Her secret is that she doesn't care and ignores it. She gets by just fine. I would suggest to everyone here that things in our society are changing for our benefit. Don't be afraid anymore. Be yourself, carry dignity, and be confident.

Chin up!

Cindi
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Stephe

I honestly believe a lot of what people feel "They need to do to pass" is related to how much time they spend in trans support groups or hanging out in GLBT spaces. Some friends of mine are heavy into the local trans support groups and listening to them, I still need to wait 2 years or so to "be passable enough to go full time". I haven't been called sir in well over a year, no one really pays a lot of attention to me other than normal chatting and women are all very friendly, chat with me in the rest room about fashion or what ever etc. Maybe that isn't passing but I'm fine with whatever someone wants to call it.
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Naturally Blonde

Quote from: JenJen2011 on January 24, 2012, 09:02:09 PM
I don't know if you're referring to the one up now but if you are, that isn't me. That's Britney Spears, lol. The one i had before was of me so if you're referring to that one, thank you. I recently had full FFS tho so I look different now. ;)

Why do people do that? put a picture up of someone else as their avatar? Jen why don't you actually show a picture of yourself? I didn't know it was a picture of Britney Spears? how am I supposed to compete with her? I'm probably twice her age for starters!
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Anatta

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on January 25, 2012, 10:58:52 PM
Why do people do that? put a picture up of someone else as their avatar? Why don't you actually show a picture of yourself and then we will have a better idea of what you actually look like.

Kia Ora Natural Blonde,

::) I am a dolphin.... No truly I am a dolphin and I'm just surfing the wake of a speed boat...

Metta Zenda :)
"The most essential method which includes all other methods is beholding the mind. The mind is the root from which all things grow. If you can understand the mind, everything else is included !"   :icon_yes:
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Naturally Blonde

Quote from: Zenda on January 25, 2012, 11:02:29 PM
Kia Ora Natural Blonde,

::) I am a dolphin.... No truly I am a dolphin and I'm just surfing the wake of a speed boat...

Metta Zenda :)

Yea, ha ha! I think the dolphin is nice!  but I don't like people putting picture's of female pop stars or movie stars in their profiles. Slow people like me think it's really an actual picture of the person starting the post!
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Keaira

<---------------This is me. This is my fursona. ^_^
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Amalina

I'd probably scare a few people if I put my pic as my avatar.

Stephe

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on January 25, 2012, 10:58:52 PM
Why do people do that? put a picture up of someone else as their avatar? Jen why don't you actually show a picture of yourself? I didn't know it was a picture of Britney Spears? how am I supposed to compete with her? I'm probably twice her age for starters!

I don't get that either. Either use yourself or throw up some cartoon avie if you don't want people to see you. I wondered the same thing. Or should I grab some random hot girl and say "Do I pass?" lol
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Stephe

OK if you wanna use this chart, lets try to equalize this.

Use same brow shape (some simple makeup) have the faces all the same skin tone, cover the beard shadow, same lip color and crop them all the same. While the face in the lower is cuter (mainly from nose being turned up slightly) the upper shots don't scream guy now. If any of these faces were on someone with fem hair, cute clothes, carried themselves and sounded like a woman = pass just fine..

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Naturally Blonde

Skulls and bone structures vary a great deal no matter what gender you are! I'm sure some of you have seen a natural born women who you are convinced is a  ->-bleeped-<-! I've seen loads! and I've also transsexuals who fit perfectly into the smaller skull size spectrum and look totally female.
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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wendy

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on January 26, 2012, 12:02:20 PM
Skulls and bone structures vary a great deal no matter what gender you are! I'm sure some of you have seen a natural born women who you are convinced is a  ->-bleeped-<-! I've seen loads! and I've also transsexuals who fit perfectly into the smaller skull size spectrum and look totally female.

Too funny!  I saw a lady hat had a pixie cut and a face similar to mine that was selling jewelry.  I said that is so nice that a TS person is hired to sell jewelry.  I'd have bet you $200 that she was TS.  Next day I went over and talked to her.  I looked for any tell-tale sign while I chatted with her.  No facial scars, great female voice, pixie hair, large hips and rear.  She was totally nice and we had a great conversation.   I would have lost $200 but I found one girl in world that had a face that was more masculine than mine.   Bottonline is many of us can pass if we tried.   I have upped my odds from zero to 80% if really try.   If I try a little it is 0%.  Most people form an opinion of your gender so fast that if you pass they will let you continue to pass.  But passing has to do with many factors such as confidence, clothing, jewelry, voice, word selection, hair, body shape, and other factors besides face.  Hey very pretty bearded ladies have a tough time passing as a female.  I know many FTM's that took T and very pretty girls and they became very handsome men.  Their faces had totally female features except for beards, deep voices, and large arms.  Hey they did not look like girls.  Reverse can be true for MTF;s.  I know many MTF's in which I am prettier but they would pass easily and I still could not pass.

Attitude, confidence and personality are also very important and are clues that are picked up quickly!
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Rebekah with a K-A-H

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on January 26, 2012, 12:02:20 PM
Skulls and bone structures vary a great deal no matter what gender you are! I'm sure some of you have seen a natural born women who you are convinced is a  ->-bleeped-<-! I've seen loads! and I've also transsexuals who fit perfectly into the smaller skull size spectrum and look totally female.

Um, actually, no, I haven't, and I don't know where you're getting this.  The features frequently seen in transsexual women are very, very uncommon in those assigned female at birth.  For a simple example (and one that's probably a more generous one than most), using statistical data about the average height of women in the US and the standard deviation, about 2.5% of women in the United States are taller than 5'9", and less than .1% are taller than 6 feet.  That isn't to say that cis women with those kinds of height don't exist, it's just very uncommon.  (It works out to about 150,000 cis women taller than 6 feet, if we're using 300 million as the US population and assuming that roughly half of those people are women.)  Other traditionally masculine body shapes are similarly rare in cis women, such that it's extremely unlikely that one is going to "clock" a woman who isn't trans unless you're clocking anybody who isn't within the 50th percentile or lower in average measurements.

Quote from: wendy on January 26, 2012, 06:54:30 PM
Too funny!  I saw a lady hat had a pixie cut and a face similar to mine that was selling jewelry.  I said that is so nice that a TS person is hired to sell jewelry.  I'd have bet you $200 that she was TS.  Next day I went over and talked to her.  I looked for any tell-tale sign while I chatted with her.  No facial scars, great female voice, pixie hair, large hips and rear.  She was totally nice and we had a great conversation.   I would have lost $200 but I found one girl in world that had a face that was more masculine than mine.   Bottonline is many of us can pass if we tried.   I have upped my odds from zero to 80% if really try.   If I try a little it is 0%.  Most people form an opinion of your gender so fast that if you pass they will let you continue to pass.  But passing has to do with many factors such as confidence, clothing, jewelry, voice, word selection, hair, body shape, and other factors besides face.  Hey very pretty bearded ladies have a tough time passing as a female.  I know many FTM's that took T and very pretty girls and they became very handsome men.  Their faces had totally female features except for beards, deep voices, and large arms.  Hey they did not look like girls.  Reverse can be true for MTF;s.  I know many MTF's in which I am prettier but they would pass easily and I still could not pass.

Attitude, confidence and personality are also very important and are clues that are picked up quickly!

False analogy.  "Androgynous features" (that is, non-gendered facial cues, like a minimally or unbossed forehead, small chins, and non-angular jawlines) are necessary but not sufficient for others to reliably see you as female.  When further cues, like eyebrows, facial hair, or hairlines indicate maleness, even the most "feminine" of faces will be seen as male.  Conversely, even faces with "male features" (like a bossed forehead or a long chin or an angular jawline) but have no further cues that suggest masculinity or maleness constitute something that will frequently get noticed, especially if the three exist in combination.

The fortunate thing is that most people don't know this much stuff about body metrics, so this isn't as much of a problem as it might initially seem.  The truth is, though, that the face is the most important cue that people use to gender people, closely followed by the body.
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Naturally Blonde

Quote from: Wonderdyke on January 26, 2012, 07:32:51 PM
Um, actually, no, I haven't, and I don't know where you're getting this.  The features frequently seen in transsexual women are very, very uncommon in those assigned female at birth.  For a simple example (and one that's probably a more generous one than most), using statistical data about the average height of women in the US and the standard deviation, about 2.5% of women in the United States are taller than 5'9", and less than .1% are taller than 6 feet.  That isn't to say that cis women with those kinds of height don't exist, it's just very uncommon.  (It works out to about 150,000 cis women taller than 6 feet, if we're using 300 million as the US population and assuming that roughly half of those people are women.)  Other traditionally masculine body shapes are similarly rare in cis women, such that it's extremely unlikely that one is going to "clock" a woman who isn't trans unless you're clocking anybody who isn't within the 50th percentile or lower in average measurements.


I've had arguments with my friend when we've seen a genetic female in the street on more than one occasion that looks exactly like a TS. She was tall with a big head, no hips and no ass! it happens, but she was a genetic female. I've also seen young guys with long hair who are so naturally feminine and they have no desire to want to be female but could make it so easy if they wanted to.

I'm 5' 7" and in the U.K that's a little tall for a female but short for a male. I think if you have smaller physical features which are of a similar size to a cis women you blend in a lot better.
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Annah

ive seen some cis women mistaken for trans too. Hell, some cis women were even kicked out of women's bathrooms.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21246685/ns/today-today_people/t/bounced-bathroom-being-different/#.TyIUjPnp4v0



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Keaira

OMG! someone being mis-gendered and kicked out of the bathroom? Never!

That stuff happens to us all the time! We at least try to look like we belong there. Not that calling her an 'it' was right, but I can see how she was mistaken for a guy.
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