Am I just not as nervous about not passing?

[supremecatoverlord]

I've been on HRT for about three months now and I'm not even sure if I'm totally passing, but then again, I'm not sure I'll ever be.
I'm not particularly tall, so that's bound to draw attention to me (well, if someone notices me at all) and I assume this will somehow make it harder for me to pass - but I guess, I haven't noticed much what people think of me in public. I've never been one to have people question my gender in the past for some reason, so either people just aren't asking or are totally reading me as male. The third option here is that I'm totally oblivious and people are looking at me strangely all the time, but I always fail to notice that people are - which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but it makes me wonder why I wouldn't notice the way people look at me as much as other transguys do. Perhaps, I'm starting to become content with myself and excited about beginning to pass more and more that what other people think doesn't matter that much...like, I know I'm a man, so what?
     I don't know if anyone has ever felt the same way or not, but I figured I'd ramble about it anyway.

[Darrin Scott]

Passing is interesting for me. I almost never do and am usually read as female for some reason. Doesn't matter what I do or wear. But I personally think it's a little overrated. I mean sure, we all want to pass and be seen as who we are, but there comes a point in which you just gotta be you and not worry about it. Especially if you're pre-everything or barely on HRT. I think it might come. For me, I'm done trying to "pass". What it "passing" anyway? Are we trying to fool someone or something? That's why for the most part, I stay out of the "do I pass" thread. I pass here 90% of the time, but it's only 30% of the time in real life. I find the thread pointless for myself and people picking on small details that cis folk more than likely wouldn't notice. Like a hairline or something. It drives me bonkers trying to "pass". I give up and just trying to be myself in public. Sorry for my own little rant. lol

[ForWantOf]

I've been on HRT for about three months now and I'm not even sure if I'm totally passing, but then again, I'm not sure I'll ever be.
I'm not particularly tall, so that's bound to draw attention to me (well, if someone notices me at all) and I assume this will somehow make it harder for me to pass - but I guess, I haven't noticed much what people think of me in public. I've never been one to have people question my gender in the past for some reason, so either people just aren't asking or are totally reading me as male. The third option here is that I'm totally oblivious and people are looking at me strangely all the time, but I always fail to notice that people are - which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but it makes me wonder why I wouldn't notice the way people look at me as much as other transguys do. Perhaps, I'm starting to become content with myself and excited about beginning to pass more and more that what other people think doesn't matter that much...like, I know I'm a man, so what?
     I don't know if anyone has ever felt the same way or not, but I figured I'd ramble about it anyway.

I'll tell you something that's interesting (or maybe it's not but whatever). I get really intimidated around males to an irrational amount, and I almost didn't post my voice clip in the "do i pass" thread because I was intimidated that you'd see it and see it as a level below you on some sort of "masculine scale". As I said, I get irrationally intimidated, to the point that none of that really makes sense, but my point is that from what I've seen of you, you look completely male, and really masculine to boot. So I'd have to say that people are just reading you as male, there's just no way you look female.  Ironically enough, you were one of the people that commented on my voice clip and I saw how nice you are so it diminished those insecurities quickly. But yeah, my main point, you look incredibly male, regardless of height which I don't think would hinder your passing anyway.

And as for the people not looking at you as much, I think a lot of that is fabricated paranoia. I get stared at a lot, and I'm sure some of it's paranoia, but where I live no one looks like me. So I get funny looks, and I don't think most of it is related to trying to guess my gender. Sometimes people just gawk at you, and you relate it to whatever you're most self conscious about.

[supremecatoverlord]

Darrin -

I feel like passing is much more than the look of your face. It's also the demeanor that your present and whether it's "stereotypical" of a certain male "subset". As sad as this is, I feel it's really important when people judge you. I don't try to be male, but a lot of my mannerisms have always been more masculine - and I honestly feel like someone of more feminine ones (such as fiddling with my hair when I'm nervous) have weened away after starting testosterone for some reason. I've always been told the way I walk is really indicative of someone who typically would be gendered as male; I'm also rather muscular now, so even if I'm not completely flat with my binder while wearing a t-shirt,  I think I'm capable I'm looking like I have pecs. However, I am really short and I am concerned about being read as anywhere near my age because of that.
Today I was at this store in a mall near me...it's like has a really "organic" and "natural" DIY feel to it and this women came up to me and asked me if I worked there, but then quickly realized I didn't without me replying...but it was clear it wasn't because of my age. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure my voice has dropped into a range where I'm pretty sure it can't be gendered as female. I had chuckled at the confusion and told her, "No, you're right. I don't". After hearing my voice, she still insisted I should apply for a job there, because I look like someone who would typically work there and that it was really hard for her to know any better.  I didn't bother telling her I don't even live in the state most of the time and took it as some strange compliment. If I'm right about my voice, she would've had to have read me as someone who is male and at least the age of sixteen; this is close enough to my age at the moment for me to be satisfied. :]

Here's my voice as of today. I'm pretty sure it's still dropping too:

http://chirb.it/m7M2FC


As I was saying, it's about a lot more than how your face looks. I just try to be myself, but I do get bursts of happiness when I notice part of me is changing to be more like I want it to be. I'd like to think it helps me pass a lot, but I never end up exhibiting any sort of anxiousness towards how people read me, as I have said above.

[caseyyy]

I'm not nervous about passing, really. It sucks when someone calls me 'she' or makes assumptions about me based on my perceived sex, but...there's nothing I can really do about it, and even on T, this stuff all will happen in its own time. So I've stopped trying and I just do what I want.

[Felix]

My best days are when I don't give a crap whether I'm passing or not.

[insideontheoutside]

My best days are when I don't give a crap whether I'm passing or not.

I rarely give a crap about my "passing". Makes life a hell of a lot easier that way.

[wesxx]

I rarely give a crap about my "passing". Makes life a hell of a lot easier that way.

I agree. I can think of a single time I've passed around strangers, but whatever. It'll come  with time. Transitioning is for yourself not for others anyways!

[supremecatoverlord]

Weston -


I agree. I see so many people posting about how concerned they are about passing or how they don't think they can pass though; that's what really prompted me to post something like this. :3