First time for the second time...

[Olivia-Anne]

Soo tonight, in about 2 hours, I am going out with my roomate/best friend, as the real me, for the first time in about 3 and a half years. I started transitioning about 4 years ago, then a bunch of things began to happen, the major one being the fall of our economy. Thus, I lost my job and had to move back in with my devout catholic parents. Back then I went out in public as me, but to be honest I am sure I was a hot mess. Finally I am at a point in my life where I have the good job a place of my own and independance to begin the process yet again although this time I am taking it a lot slower.

To be completely honest I am pretty terrified of a lot of things venturing out my apartment door once more. I am now 4 years more ravaged by T and lacking in the confidence I once had out in to the real world. I try to ask my roomate for advise on the looks stuff but apparently, according to her, I'm much more of a "girly girl" then her. Also, when ever I try to ask her for an honest opinion I am sure she is just telling me what I would like to hear but is not necessarily true. I would post pics in the picture threads but I don't want to provide amunition for some would be internet troll. Guess I am just going to have to jump into the deep end on this one and learn to swim. Hehe that reminds me of a song lyric "It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drownd". Oh well...

"CANNONBALLLLLL"

[sysm29]

I used to go out as the real me too.  It's been more than a year now since I've dressed as a woman.  I'm going about it a second time but much slower this time.  I'm seeing my therapist regularly, I'm going to explore new alternatives for laser hair removal, and I go to a support group once a month.  I'm planting the seeds of a flower that's going to take years to grow and nurture.  The sun and the water are patience, time, and work.  This time, I want to pass 100% and I want it to be natural.  The last time I wore a wig and makeup.  This time, I'm going to let my hair grow.  It'll look awful for a while, maybe for a year but it needs to grow. 

This process is very slow and we want to just be women today, but that can't happen.  I just want it to work.  I'm planning on having FFS and I pray to God that it works.  I don't want to be where I am today next Christmas.  I want things to be much different.  Maybe I'll pass by next year and the hair will be a little longer and I'll start living full-time.  I have to put in the work to get there now so thats a long year of planning.  I'm on a low dosage of estrogen and the spirolactone's been increased so hopefully it will work. 

This is my second attempt too but I'm wiser now than I was before and I'm one step ahead of where I was the last time.  I'm not going to go out until I'm positive I can do this.  You need confidence to take those first steps out of the house dressed like a woman and it's not easy when you don't look much different than you did before. 

I hope this time is the last time for you and that these are the beginning of a whole new life for you.

[cheergirlnicole]

Good for you! The most important thing is confidence!

People react a LOT better (or rather, not at all) if you are just confident in who you are and what you're doing. It's okay! Even if you don't really feel it, tell yourself that you do. Yes there are bad things that can happen to anyone but MOST TYPICALLY the worst thing that's going to happen is someone who you will most likely never see again might say something that could embarrass you. So what? It's their problem, not yours!

Be happy, and smile! Smiling makes a big difference. Trust your instincts too. If you get a 'really bad feeling" about somewhere you are, then leave. If you're sort of uncomfortable somewhere, feel it out. It's important to get yourself out there and just do it, but not do it and torture yourself at the same time!

There will be a day sometime that you don't even think about what you're doing and you just do it because it's IS who you are and you'll be happy that you made the steps to get yourself there.

*hugs*!

[Olivia-Anne]

OK soo I'm back! Wouldn't you know it I can still swim! (Yes I realize I beating that poor metaphore to death) So, my friend and I went to see "New Years Eve". Turned out to be the typical feel good holiday movie it was Ok I guess... I did get a big confidence boost tonight though. I guess the terrible T didn't ravage me too badly. I didn't get any weird stares or anything, no weird vibes. I did get a "You ladies enjoy the show" Also, I guess apparently it is ok to knock on somones window and ask for money when they leave the theatre. My friend and I were pretty creeped out, I gave him a dollar just to leave us alone, really, and got a "thanks m'am" I would have prefered a Miss... but hey I will take it  After the movie we went and got some Mexican food and some freshly made doghnuts 

Well the first step back out there was definitially the hardest but in hindsight I'm SO glad I went. Just thought I would share how it went. Oh, and yes I do realize its time to find female voice and not this terrible falsetto...

<3 Liv

[monica93304]

I'm happy for you Ms Teagan.  Take all the little victories because they accumulate.  Sometimes we get some negativity when we're out, but I always remember the little victiories and keep my head held up high.  Remember, we don't have to apologize to anyone.

go gettem' sis!