I am a real man. My internet penis is bigger than anyone's. When I play chicken I never falter. I have a large watch instead of a small one. I can open jars. I do not ask for directions. I'm someone's dad, I like sports and beer, and sex is more important to me than commitment. I'm foolhardy and stubborn, and I am a wall between my loved ones and danger.
Lol I think I intended to give a flippant and facetious answer, but that stuff is mostly all true and straight up.