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Anyone else find Susan's has lost its feeling of comfort ?

Started by LilDevilOfPrada, December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM

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Anatta

Kia Ora,

::) I know this sounds somewhat cliché but "NOTHING IS PERMANENT" and when one truly understands this one will find contentment with what 'is'... We live in an ever changing world nothing remains[or is meant to remain] the same. If one tries to stagnate this flow one WILL suffer [have you ever been near a stagnant pond ?]...

::) Online communities are made up of a diverse bunch of individuals each with an opinion[I like others here am expressing mine now] some will be in agreement, whilst others in conflict , some with a desire to help, when others[for reasons only known to them] wanting to hinder...{but they too are suffering in their own way}...

::) My advice...Just go with the flow of what 'is' and if you feel uncomfortable about a topic[at times they can be an emotional power keg-waiting to explode] stay away from that topic, or if you feel strongly about a topic, by all means express your opinion but be 'emotionally' prepared for a backlash if it goes against the mainstream...

::) But most importantly "TRY NOT TO TAKE WHAT'S BEEN SAID PERSONALLY !" Remember emotions run high on forums such as these, feelings are easily hurt... People are struggling to come to terms with their inner demons , plus  many are also having to face society 's gauntlet of ridicule and rejection... There's a lot of hurt around...

::) Susan's is in a constant state of flux and is and will continue to go through 'rebirth' after 'rebirth'!

::) BTW MERRY XMAS to those who celebrate it and season's greeting to those who don't....

Metta Zenda :)   
"The most essential method which includes all other methods is beholding the mind. The mind is the root from which all things grow. If you can understand the mind, everything else is included !"   :icon_yes:
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MsDazzler

Quote from: Zenda on December 24, 2011, 04:06:45 PM



::) But most importantly "TRY NOT TO TAKE WHAT'S BEEN SAID PERSONALLY !" Remember emotions run high on forums such as these, feelings are easily hurt... People are struggling to come to terms with their inner demons , plus  many are also having to face society 's gauntlet of ridicule and rejection... There's a lot of hurt around...

::)

Metta Zenda :)

Exactly! It is OK TO DISAGREE - just because people don't agree with what you ve said or posted, doesnt mean they are attacking you personally.
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Embla

I can't speak for what this place was several years ago, I can only say that the place as a whole seems friendly, helpful, and diverse.

There are some politics going on here (same as anyplace - everything has always been political, and the issues we deal with are political - the feminist motto "the personal is political" comes to mind) and some of the back-and-forth arguments might be better done in PMs than in public.


I wonder if maybe the feeling of comfort passing has more to do with a change in our collective view of how we relate to and befriend people on the internet, as if maybe collectively, we (people living in 2011) are starting to realize more and more that the internet isn't a substitute for real life / in person connections.
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Torn1990

 
There's alot of offensive ridicule that's being categorized as tough love and backed up as such
and that makes this forum at times unapproachable lately.

queer, transgender woman, Feminist, & writer. ~
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Kelly J. P.

 I've noticed the same diminishing in the forum's warm atmosphere... and I really miss many of the members that used to post here. The new active members, while unique and interesting, don't seem to carry the same feeling. It's a shame... but I doubt it's a special phenomenon. It happens with everything when you're the one left behind after so many others have moved on.
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tekla

Watching the ebb and flow of these forms over the years, pretty much since the beginning, I've noticed several things.

- Support is often not comfortable.  I've never seen lying to anyone as doing them any good.

- There has been, in the past 7-10 years in particular, what almost amounts to a demand that in order to have a 'successful transition' one must move away from everything they did before, including such on-line, and the real world communities.  So most of the highly successful people feel they must pull away.  That tends to keep the maturity away, and reinforce immaturity.

- There has been a trend for support boards to take on all aspects of people's lives, and not just the trans issues.  Though to many people all those problems bleed together and tie-in, it also leads to subjects that are really not germane to the transgender issue, and also lead into areas that are more divisive.

- The growth of the internet has expanded the range of people on any given board.  When all this started you had mostly people of higher education levels with higher incomes and who were on the whole older (at least college age), as all of those slip you get into many aspects that again, create divisions. 

- With less maturity overall you have a huge factor of people taking things far too personally.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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fionabell

I'm finding out a lot of useful things.

I hope I'm not making anyone uncomfortable. :)
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LilDevilOfPrada

Quote from: tekla on December 24, 2011, 09:21:50 PM
Watching the ebb and flow of these forms over the years, pretty much since the beginning, I've noticed several things.

- Support is often not comfortable.  I've never seen lying to anyone as doing them any good.

- There has been, in the past 7-10 years in particular, what almost amounts to a demand that in order to have a 'successful transition' one must move away from everything they did before, including such on-line, and the real world communities.  So most of the highly successful people feel they must pull away.  That tends to keep the maturity away, and reinforce immaturity.

- There has been a trend for support boards to take on all aspects of people's lives, and not just the trans issues.  Though to many people all those problems bleed together and tie-in, it also leads to subjects that are really not germane to the transgender issue, and also lead into areas that are more divisive.

- The growth of the internet has expanded the range of people on any given board.  When all this started you had mostly people of higher education levels with higher incomes and who were on the whole older (at least college age), as all of those slip you get into many aspects that again, create divisions. 

- With less maturity overall you have a huge factor of people taking things far too personally.

I will agree with you :)

I found that I do take things to personally at times but then again i am still a teenager. I have even created a thread that was 250 posts of opinion then agreement and disagreement but back then disagreement was some what less of a ''deadly sin''.

I get websites change but to me i find that since i have been reading from this site they has never been so many people banned  and well warned for horrible behaviour in such a short period of time.

Try keep in mind the fact that people complain they can't speak their minds anymore ?? I find that well a lie :) Its all nice and all to complain you can't but its also important to remember saying stuff like 'your 19.. you look 50' ain't fair and is well misusing your right to a opinion.

I am not saying you should all agree i just am saying i feel its lost its comfort level.

Quote from: Annah on December 24, 2011, 09:51:54 AM
it feels the same with me. You have good nature people, you have trouble makers, you have elitists, you have dreamers, etc etc. Been like that since I signed up.

When you first started to post, you used to post 30-75 posts a day. No matter how good (or bad) a site is, that much posting is going to burn you out.

Also, it is a good thing for the site to be about seek and learn too as many people have questions, etc
I agree here as well

But i would easily post 75 times a day again if i felt comfortable knowing that only 3 would possibly cause a little issue which would be resolved through pming like it used to be and not ruining a topic in a argument that is pointless like it has become these days.

I don't think you all agree and i have no issue with that :) i am just being honest with i believe.
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.


2 Febuary 2011/13 June 2011 hrt began
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MsDazzler

Why bemoan and lament the old days?

Be the first one to lead by example! :)

Also, whining about it won't really change how people post here; the trick is in not to take things personally and just laugh it off.
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LilDevilOfPrada

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 25, 2011, 12:07:59 AM
Why bemoan and lament the old days?

Be the first one to lead by example! :)

Also, whining about it won't really change how people post here; the trick is in not to take things personally and just laugh it off.

To be fair i ain't moaning :) just stating a observation :) i get what you mean though :) I just find it quite over used because the fact is if no one ever bothered to tell people that something is wrong then people won't try fix it:)
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.


2 Febuary 2011/13 June 2011 hrt began
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annette

There is nothing wrong with being honest.
When no one tells their honest opinion, there is something wrong.
People can have a disagree, that's okay, it's part of the game called life, but, the conversations can be in a civilized manner.
There is also nothing wrong with being civilized.
I do agree with Tekla, a certain level of education will help to keep things civilized.

You don't have to agree and still getting comfortable, a good discussion will help to see things from another perspective.
Sometimes that can be the solution for your problem, to get advice from a completely other point of view.
Giving names and using harsh words won't help, people get offended and will react on that.
That's what we have now, we need a change.
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MacKenzie

   Yeah I agree with prada, i'm still new here as a member but i've "lurked" around Susan's for quite some time and i've definitely noticed the atmosphere around here changed from friendly and supportive to catty back' n fourth attacks on other members. I think people are coming here now more so to preach their trans ideals and brag about them selfs then to actually help others in need and that is sad. 


    I also noticed a few ex-members here that were once inspirations to me (Jen, Samanthaz, and Forever21chic) leave Susan's behind which may or may not be due to whats been going on around here for the last few months but it's quite possible. I personally think being trans is unbelievably stressful and I come here to seek help and advise from people going through the same things as me but sadly that isn't so anymore.

    I think if we all got along with each other there's so much more we can learn about being trans and hopfully bring the "support" back to this trans support site. Well that's my 2 cents, now i'll disappear again for another month or two! Lol

    Merry Christmas everyone!   
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Amazon D

I read more than i post. I do not give an opinion just because i have one. Its good to hold back and read and see what others say. You will learn more by listening than by speaking. If thats what your here for !
I'm an Amazon womyn + very butch + respecting MWMF since 1999 unless invited. + I AM A HIPPIE

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tekla

Form follows function as the famous dictate goes.  And if you look back, particularly back 15-10 years, you'll find that a lot of effort was being expended on changing laws, finding care, and creating change.  But I see almost zero activism any more.  The issue of finding care has morphed into 'who's going to pay for care' which is another issue entirely, and social change has shrunk to problems with my parents/family.  With changes like that you're not only going to lose those that had been perusing political and social change, but you're also going to get deeper and deeper into issues that we - as a whole - can not change like 'your parents religious beliefs'.  The more 'personal' the topics and situations, the less relevant any particular point of view is (as opposed to political and social change, where all the views need to be understood and if at all possible, included) and the more individual, and hence narrow and parochial, the themes become.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Amazon D

Quote from: tekla on December 25, 2011, 12:07:26 PM
Form follows function as the famous dictate goes.  And if you look back, particularly back 15-10 years, you'll find that a lot of effort was being expended on changing laws, finding care, and creating change.  But I see almost zero activism any more.  The issue of finding care has morphed into 'who's going to pay for care' which is another issue entirely, and social change has shrunk to problems with my parents/family.  With changes like that you're not only going to lose those that had been perusing political and social change, but you're also going to get deeper and deeper into issues that we - as a whole - can not change like 'your parents religious beliefs'.  The more 'personal' the topics and situations, the less relevant any particular point of view is (as opposed to political and social change, where all the views need to be understood and if at all possible, included) and the more individual, and hence narrow and parochial, the themes become.


DITTO TEKLA,,,,

here is an example of some Transwomen activist and what they tried to do back in the day to get attention for our causes.

Protest targets transgender-less ENDA

Dan Kerman, Gay.com / PlanetOut.com Network
Tuesday, May 28, 2002 / 04:05 PM
SUMMARY: After three weeks, a homeless transgender activist has ended her one-woman vigil for transgender rights in front of the nation's Capitol.
After three weeks, a homeless transgender activist has ended her one-woman vigil in front of the nation's Capitol. Sleeping in a tent by night and making signs by day, she began her vigil on May 9 as part of an education campaign about the need for legal protections in the transgender community.
"I am just one of the many transgendered people around the country who can't find work," she told the Gay.com/PlanetOut.com Network. "Many of my sisters are on street corners selling their bodies and resorting to sexual slavery just to survive, and I would like a message sent to the country that my people need a lifting up," she said.
her vigil took place as the U.S. Senate prepares to debate the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). In it's current form, ENDA prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. But the bill does not cover transgender people. Though she has lobbied Congress in the past to include transgender people in ENDA, she says she's now come to realize that's not what's best.
"I don't want to hurt the gay and lesbian community from getting their bill passed, just so we could get what we wanted, which is inclusion in this bill," she said. "Maybe it's better to stand on our own two feet," she said.
Though she is a member of the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition (NTAC), her views are not the same as the lobbying group's official position.
"Our position on the bill is for inclusion," said Vanessa Edwards Foster, board vice chair of NTAC. "Employment and economic distress are rampant in the transgender community, and we clearly need this issue addressed," she said.
Foster says the transgender community is not only discriminated against in the workplace, but during the hiring process. She says in its current form, ENDA is incomplete and should be amended.
The bill's congressional sponsors have opted not to make changes to the legislation, and the lesbian and gay political organization the Human Right Campaign (HRC) has supported that decision.
"Not enough education has been done in Congress on gender identify to get the bill passed with that added, and that's why we support the bill in its current form," said HRC Communications Director David Smith. "However, we strongly believe the transgender community should be protected from discrimination and we want to work with them to make sure that happens," Smith told the Gay.com/PlanetOut.com network.
NTAC's Foster says HRC's position is disappointing.
"We are feeling that the existing organizations that are pushing through the legislation are the self-appointed conservators of the transgender community," Foster said. "By that I mean that there's almost an impression that we are not able to control our own destiny," she said. "Our position is: give us the access to the individuals who are making these decisions, allow us to plead our own case," she said.
HRC's Smith says Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., has promised to bring ENDA to a vote of the full Senate before the end of the current legislative session in October.
And while her vigil is over, her work is not done. She says she is now planning a march on Washington for next spring to bring to light the needs of the transgender community in the United States and around the world.
******************************************************************
I'm an Amazon womyn + very butch + respecting MWMF since 1999 unless invited. + I AM A HIPPIE

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toxicblue

I find this site to be pretty supportive at times, and brutally honest, which I believe is extremely needed for people like us. When I go on hormones, I'm going to want people to tell me I look like a boy if I do, and not tell me I look like a girl if I look like a feminine one.

Of course there are a few ridiculous arguments that go absolutely nowhere and I'm sure we all know what those are, but reality isn't a fantasyland, so why should we try to make it one?
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MsDazzler

Honestly, I would think this site would be much more boring if we were all Pollyanna Sunshines, "yes, madam" posts, and afraid to disagree.

If you think the people here are "argumentative", just check out a particular "->-bleeped-<-" forum that is well known on the Internet. You'll rush back here so fast before you know it, lol. People there are totally egoistic, narcissitic, catty, and competitive - and totally eat any man alive who posts there, heh.
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LilDevilOfPrada

Quote from: toxicblue on December 25, 2011, 05:43:33 PM
I find this site to be pretty supportive at times, and brutally honest, which I believe is extremely needed for people like us. When I go on hormones, I'm going to want people to tell me I look like a boy if I do, and not tell me I look like a girl if I look like a feminine one.

Of course there are a few ridiculous arguments that go absolutely nowhere and I'm sure we all know what those are, but reality isn't a fantasyland, so why should we try to make it one?

I get you i really do the only thing that really upsets me is this constant pushing of  opinions  on other people.

Its nice to say sorry but you do have manly features because honesty hurts but is needed. I just find it stupid when you get people you tell everyone sorry you can only be a girl with FFS like the weirdo we had a few months ago because a lot of the girls they said needed FFS look more girl than some girls i know.

I guess the main thing i find annoying here is the opinion pushing. I think it causes more damage than is needed. Be honest don't be a troll and our little place here will start to heal because fights make scars but the truth cuts a wound which later ends up helping you to understand how you can heal your birth defect.
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.


2 Febuary 2011/13 June 2011 hrt began
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Cindy

I'd just like to say something from a personal point of view, but also with my awareness of what happens in the background.

Susan's exists for you.

You are Susan's. What you talk about is what is on the board. If people wish to be nasty and unsupportive , then the site is nasty and unsupportive. You control it.

If you wish to help and be nice and friendly and chat and be gorgeous to people. You will be.

If you see posts you don't like, report them to a Mod, you will be anonymous. Mods will deal with it without friction to yourself.

YOU are Susan's. No one else; don't blame people who have moved on. YOU are Susan's. Always have been, always will.

Cindy
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AbraCadabra

+  1,
I second what Cindy has to say.
No need to elaborate at all.

Axelle
Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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