Non-specialist therapist?

[Annie]

I don't trust easily.  I'm on-guard almost all of the time.  And I've had uncomfortable experiences with councelling as a child in the late 70's.  I also live in a fairly rural and extremely conservative area of the US midwest, and finding a gender identity therapist has been less than successful.  However, at my request, my wife's therapist has recommended that I see someone whom she claims is a compassionate and competant man, but I'm such the skeptic that I'm hesitant to go.  I know I need help sorting through everything that's whirling around in my head.  I can't concentrate on work, and for someone who's self employed, that is really hurting my family income (soul provider since my wife is disabled/chronically ill).

I guess what I'd like to find out is...Can I have a possitive experience with a therapist who is inexperienced in Gender therapy?  I realize that that's a broad question and far too situational, but I'd like to have a little hope that something good can be achieved before I jump in. 

[Sarah Louise]

As you say Annie, that is a very hard question to answer.

Could it be a good experience, well it could be.  It so much depends on the therapist, their training and their views on this issue.  Your own expectations will also effect how you perceive the therapists responses.

I was lucky and found a therapist who was able to get beyond my own distrust issues.

Sarah L.

[Tak]

You CAN have a positive experience, but like Sarah says it all depends on the therapist.

I too live in a difficult area (I'm in the fundamentalist conservative South!) but my therapist has been very understanding and she has little or no experience... although I've only been to one session thus far.

Sigh... therapists have to get experience somewhere... and they have to keep their mouth shut about anything you tell them or they can lose their ability to practice.

[Kate]

Most therapists generally help YOU figure out what's best, where you do the work really and they act as an objective mediator, keeping you on track and stuff. So specific experience isn't absolutely necesssary, BUT...

This subject is so ODD to most people, it can really help if the therapist knows what you're going through, and can warn you of the common mistakes and dangers.

AND, if you want HRT eventually, the therapist is supposed to diagnose you as having GID or transsexualism, or at LEAST a written letter saying that HRT would benefit you.

AND, if he or she doesn't have any doctors she works with, finding someone who will respect her letter and prescribe hormones might be tricky.

Still though, it may be better than NOT talking for now. If you find an experienced therapist in the meantime, most will allow "credit" for prior therapy.

For what it's worth, my very first therapist was a psych who had limited experience with GID. When he focused on discussing SRS during the first visit - and started slowly squirming under his chair as we talked about the procedure - I figured I'd best find someone else

Kate

[Annie]

What I would really like, is to be able to see my wife's theapist.  I really like her.  She's open and comforting, and she's had exerience with mtf trangender.  But she won't see me because of the conflict of interest isssues.

*shakes fist*

I do plan on seeing her associate (at least long enough to see if he'll be willing to hold my hand as I explore myself), but I really hope to hear possitive accounts here.

[Jonie]

 In my opinion you would be alot better of with an experienced therapist who specializes in G.I.D.

[Julie Marie]

I don't know if you have checked thses links out but here they are.  Maybe you can find someone close to you.

http://www.annelawrence.com/usindex.html
http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html

I agree with Jonie, having someone with gender identity experience is the best choice.  Next would be to find someone who is willing to learn.  Ask them if they are familiar with the SOC.  If not and they don't show a desire to learn it, find someone else.  That would be my acid test.

Julie

[Annie]

I had my first session yesterday and I'm planning on continuing to see him once a week.  Even with no experience dealing with Gender Identity issues, he seems very open minded and I didn't feel threatened at all (which is very unusual for me with therapists).  When I asked him to familiarize himself a little bit with trangender issues, so that we would have some common ground to bring to the forum, he was extremely receptive. 

Julie?  What is the SOC?  I will bring it up to him in our next session....err...whatever it is.

*hugs all*

[seldom]

The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care.  Make sure your therapist is familiar with them and has read them. 

[HelenW]

Here's the SOC, from our WIKI:

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Standards_of_Care_for_Gender_Identity_Disorders

Good luck in your search, Annie!

hugs & smiles
helen

[Ricki]

Yes i did not only with one but two of them!
only 6-7 months of visiting at the time but they learned as i did and applied what they did know to it!
i had one therapist who would just play a board game with me if we hit a wall (many times we did)
GFunny 25.00 copay a session and i was playing scrabble some evenings..
Hehe.. I loved her anyway! Her name was cynthia!
Ricki

[Shana A]

Best if you can find someone who is knowledgeable about gender identity issues, otherwise you're paying them to learn. Even with someone who specializes in them, I sometimes found that I'd read or knew of things that my therapist hadn't heard of.

zythyra

[katia]

I guess what I'd like to find out is...Can I have a possitive experience with a therapist who is inexperienced in Gender therapy? 

no you can't! get informed, do the research, yet find someone who is gonna HELP you.

[Annie]

The thing is..I'm not convinced that just getting everything out into the light of day and facing things isn't "help"ing me.  Gender identity is definitive of me, even though I've hiden it very well for 40 years.  But it is not the only issue that is disrupting my life.  If I was seeking a therapist with the intentions of acquiring a letter for hormonal treatment, then I would agree that it's a dead end.  However, unless my family were to disappear tomorrow, I need to deal with my issues within the context of my family, and put thoughts of transitioning aside until later in life.

[Annie]

Well...I've had three sessions so far, and another tomorrow.  Honestly...I look forward to it more than anything else in my life right now.  Having an unbiased person to help me get everything out is nothing short of cathartic!  I've had people to talk to about this before, but with therapy... I know that for 1 hour every week someone is going to be there to listen to me.  He won't abandon me in favor of someone more fun, and won't judge me. 

[Kate]

Well...I've had three sessions so far, and another tomorrow.  Honestly...I look forward to it more than anything else in my life right now.  Having an unbiased person to help me get everything out is nothing short of cathartic!  I've had people to talk to about this before, but with therapy... I know that for 1 hour every week someone is going to be there to listen to me.  He won't abandon me in favor of someone more fun, and won't judge me. 

It's GREAT, isn't it? There's something soothing and reassuring knowing that someone will be there for you every week (or whatever works best for you). It gives me a sense of stability, an anchor. And I agree: just getting it all OUT there is as helpful as any realizations that may come up.

The funny thing is, I USED to go to sessions with a list of topics to discuss. But these days, I just wing it, always starting with, "Well, I don't know what we'll talk about tonight, but..." and then realize that the hour somehow just zipped by without me shutting up once, lol.

Imagine that

Kate