Too soon?

[Darrin Scott]

Ok, starting in February I plan on going on T and getting my name legally changed. I saw my name change in this county (in the US) will be $400. I feel like I'm ready, but I know my family won't be. I came out about 2 months ago and they still refer to me as female and use my brith name about 90% of the time. The other 10% it's an old family nick-name. Never Darrin. I was wondering if I should just wait. Like I said, I feel like I'm ready. My mom said she doesn't care if i transition, but wants me to wait. What do you guys think?

[Henri]

I'm not sure how old you are but if you are below 18 you might need their support. Or even if you are living with them it just might be tough on you if they aren't very supportive. I think it might really just depend on how comfortable you are in going ahead with things. If you think you can handle it then go ahead. Perhaps seeing you experience the changes that come along with T and how much better you feel will make it easier for them to support your decision to transition. How long does your mother want you to wait? Sometimes family just wants you to prolong transition indefinitely because they're uncomfortable with the idea, which wouldn't be in your best interest (most likely). Hope that makes sense..

[JohnAlex]

->-bleeped-<-. I typed out this whole huge response and just before I hit "post" I lost it all...


Anyways, I was saying,
I don't think it's too soon.  If you're ready, then why wait?

People tell me all the time that I'm not ready and I should wait, and I should take it slow, and I should wait until I'm completely independent.  And they've known I'm trans since about April of this year.
Basically, I think what they're really saying is that they are not ready for me to transition yet.  but it's not about them.
And I figure, it's time for me to start living my life for me.   I only wish I could help them being ready for me to transition.  but I don't know how to do that.

But, if you're ready, if you got no doubt and no reason to wait, then go for it.  You got to do what you got to do. 

Good luck

[Darrin Scott]

Thanks. I'm 26 and like I said, my mom doesn't care if I transition. She thinks I should "give it a minute".

[Robert Scott]

I think it all depends on your relationship and what you want.  My wife was not ready for me to transition --- so I waited and did 8 additional months of counseling.  My relationship with my wife warrented it.  She had to make peace with it herself.  I am going to start Jan. 1

My parents on the other hand are totally against it.  However, I am 40 and they live three states away.

Do you have a therapist?  Will your mom go to a session with you and your therapist?  One session might help her.

[caseyyy]

I have people in my life who will never be ready, and when they say wait, they mean wait forever. Personally, I think this is something you've gotta do on your own timeline.

[JesseO]

Yeah man, if you are ready, go for it. I have people in my life that said they didnt care and asked me to wait a little longer to make sure I wasn't making a mistake...which ended up being 2 years, and they still think I need to give it some more time. Not saying your family we be the same way, just saying that you cant hold off for other people because in the end, transition (imo) is one of the very few things that really is all about you and your comfort. If you wanna change your name, change it.

[Paul]

->-bleeped-<-. I typed out this whole huge response and just before I hit "post" I lost it all...


Anyways, I was saying,
I don't think it's too soon.  If you're ready, then why wait?

People tell me all the time that I'm not ready and I should wait, and I should take it slow, and I should wait until I'm completely independent.  And they've known I'm trans since about April of this year.
Basically, I think what they're really saying is that they are not ready for me to transition yet.  but it's not about them.
And I figure, it's time for me to start living my life for me.   I only wish I could help them being ready for me to transition.  but I don't know how to do that.

But, if you're ready, if you got no doubt and no reason to wait, then go for it.  You got to do what you got to do. 

Good luck

I agree.  As much as you want others to be okay with it and you want them to be comfortable and whatnot, this journey is truly yours.  You need to do what is right for you.  I don't think my mom will ever come around (granted I don't live with her), but I'm looking at starting T early next year.  I've known I was Transgender since I was 4 years old...I'll be 24 in a couple of weeks.  I've spent far too long trying to conform to make them happy.  I need to do what is right for me.  My name change is already in the process.  If you're ready, go for it.  The longer you wait (once you're ready) the more you're going to resent those you waited for; especially if they never come around. 

Good luck man!

[Felix]

I have people in my life who will never be ready, and when they say wait, they mean wait forever. Personally, I think this is something you've gotta do on your own timeline.

This sums it up, imo.

[Nathan.]

I have people in my life who will never be ready, and when they say wait, they mean wait forever. Personally, I think this is something you've gotta do on your own timeline.

I agree. I transitioned when I was ready, I know that some people would have prefered I waited for a while but who knows how long i'd have to of waited till they were ready? I'm sure those people would still be saying i'm not ready. I did what I needed to do for me, sounds selfish but it had to be done.

[Alexmakenoise]

Do what you need to do.  Your family will understand in hindsight when they see that it's changing your life for the better.