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Anyone else find Susan's has lost its feeling of comfort ?

Started by LilDevilOfPrada, December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM

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EmmaM

It's 'cause I have a hell of a roller coaster in my head. Makes me come and go, be nice, be a complete psycho (gifts me with months of stress...) What do you want? I'm in puberty!

Loved.
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Robyn

Well, I am one of the older transitioners. I had submerged my early life experiences so far that they didn't fully reform until my late 50s when I realized I had more than a 'lingerie fetish' since I was 12.

I know several women and men who transitioned in the 1970s and 80s. Some are national names, like Jamison Green. Some are quietly living their lives. Some are authors or transactivists at local to national levels. I have put my national level organizational work behind me and, at 74 and 11 years post-op, devote my support efforts to Susan's Place and ElderTG.

In my 16 years of community involvement, I've worked with ages 15 through 80+. Most of the transelders are fairly open about their history. All but one or two are happy that they are living their truth. Many of the youngest are, not surprisingly, impatient to transition, not yet knowing that it is most often not an overnight action.

Rarely have I come across transphobia within the transgender community until the relatively recent crop of 'We are the only real transsexuals' came along to denigrate any who were not on their self-appointed 'perfect path'. I hate to spoil their delusion, but there is no perfect path. We each have our own path to follow, mistakes, warts, and all.

There are almost as many shades of transgender people as there are transgender people. Would I want to be clubbing with a bunch of bearded drag queens? No, but I don't deny them their role in the transgender community. We are all different, but we are all alike in the unenlightened transphobia from the religious and political bigots who see us all as their way to money and power.

Have older transfolk made some mistakes along the way? Sure, but are most of us relatively happy in our journeys? I believe so. Have younger transfolks made or will make mistakes in their journeys? Of course. Is life perfect? No. Is life good? An emphatic YES.

So let's not bash generations in the new year. Let's not bash the differences among us but rather celebrate the diversity God so loves and creates.

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou. Happy New Year.

Robyn the Elder
When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. — Patrick Overton
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Mahsa Tezani

By feeling of comfort...do you mean people not lying to each other?

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Constance

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 12:53:55 PM
It's hard for emotions to fully be conveyed through digital text.

When peoples concepts of "true selves" are used to bring other people who don't choose srs or feel totally trans are used...then it becomes hilarious. Society as a whole thinks we're all the same... No matter how well the illusion of "passing" is.
Thank you for the clarification.


Devlyn

I want to call Shenanigans on this whole thread. The O/P says she has been here 7.5 months, but registered on October 13th. Why don't you tell everyone how you racked up a bunch of negative reputation points not caring at all about anyone being comfortable, then deleted your account and came back as Lildevilofprada? Sorry to call you out, but you aren't being upfront. Hugs, Devlyn
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Naturally Blonde

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM
Well i have been here only 7.5 months but in this short time i have seen many many experienced and kind womyn and men leave. I mean i used to log on speak my pain and would of been comfortable with life in a matter of posts. I find these days that i have a subconscious instinct to not post my pain because i am more likely to be attacked these days :( 

Say what you will but any of you who were members 7+ months ago should understand what i mean.

Just saying when those who have seen and learnt  leave this website a part of it is destroyed forever and has only been replaced by those who seek to see and learn.

I wish the joke filled atmosphere would return so i could gain interest in posting again:) haha

I know exactly how you feel. I have often been attacked in a couple of 'other' trans forums all based in the U.K, especially If I was having a bad time.  Rather than give me support they chose to attack me instead. I'm pleased to say this is not my experience in Susans and I rate this forum as the most open minded and the best in it's field.
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 03:58:06 AM
Would I rather consult Rene Richards or Calpurnia Addams? Being older doesn't guarantee wisdom. The boomers surely weren't a wise generation, as they aged and I think that applies to the first US trans generation. I think a lot of the older generation were damaging overall. I think the young generation is more into getting the world to accept us as trans as opposed to the dream of stealth. That is so much more important. We are also much more tolerant of other people's belief systems.

this is exactly what i mean, and exactly what is off-putting:

"you codgers sit down and shut up while the young folks tell you how you were wrong"

It's arrogant and condescending.

Every generation contributes value, every generation screws some of it up, the next generation is tasked with filtering the one from the other, and those who come after them will have to do it again.

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that some good was done before YOUR generation came along (whatever generation "your") applies to.

It also helps to remember that within this particular culture, in many respects those who are now considered the "old school" generation (and even though I'm nearing 50, I don't count folks like myself you are just now transitioning in that generation) were, in a sense, the founding generation.

Certainly their were trans people before 1970, but very few as a percentage that had surgery and virtually none who didn't strive to maintain the lowest profile possible.

the post-Stonewall generation was, as far as the public eye was concerned, the first waves of trans people.

then, after the internet increased connectivity exponentially and gave a great many more of as (particularly those outside the major cities) a sense of just how much they were not alone, that to me is/was the second wave.

Call the first one 1970-1995 and the second wave 1995 to the present.

Now, arguably, the third wave might be rising in those who take their stand on defying the binary gender structure altogether, rather than as most previous trans folks had done, simply seeking to be a "conformist" on the other side of the binary.

it seems to me that the third-wave folks (if i may call them that within the context of my own point) have taken on the classic "hippie attitude" which amounts to "never trust anyone over 30"

Just as the self-defined "radicals" of the sixties mistakenly believed the invented sex and activism and so forth, and by definition scorned anything that came before them, so it seems to happen a lot among the younger crowd  (3rd Wave) within the trans community

Yall might fell that's justified, but surely you can understand why everyone else would find it off-putting.
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Just Shelly on December 27, 2011, 10:35:17 AM
+1
Yah

The need for & age gap gets confused with the knowledge gap. Anyone my age and especially older that did not transition in there 20's are accused many times of our desire or need to transition wasn't as strong. That's BS

When I was in my late teens I was obsessed with getting my hands on anything relating to how I felt. Much of what I found was drag queen, ->-bleeped-<- fetish, she male or just down right porn.

It wasn't until the woman like Renee Richards (love her/hate her) that I was aware that I could do something. I can not believe anyone would bash the people that established the treatment and RIGHTS that you have today.

If it was not fort the Internet I may not be transitioning as I speak but if I had the Internet in my teens or 20's I know damn well I wouldn't be on this forum as a pre op. When I was 23 I was minutes away from the start of my transition but because of lack of information my affirmation wasn't as strong as  it is now. I don't regret my life I have had since that day, I had the chance to be loved and have children.

I will admit I was never and still am not as strong as the woman that came before me. I would love to see anyone of you transition without hrt, lazer, electrolysis, ffs, new technology in makeup, or other procedure and the Internet. Try going full time without access to most of this. I know some have and some still do. Some may have a good start already and some just have the strength or maybe drive I didn't.

Hear! Hear!
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Mahsa Tezani

Quote from: Tammy Hope on December 29, 2011, 01:47:04 AM

It's arrogant and condescending.

Memo: I am arrogant and condescending. I make no apologies for it.

Sorry, I am not here for your feeling of comfort or anyone elses. If I like something, I am gonna say something...If not, I say anyways. I have a realistic perspective of transition, something I feel a lot of the transcommunity fails at. We see things through rose colored glasses...



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AbraCadabra

Hum, "arrogant and condescending" eh? --- Sounds like me in mostly my early days 14 --- 54... maybe still now?!

You may realize that it is the coin's flipside, or overcompensation, to insecurity and low self-esteem... not that it ever feel quite that way. You in control, and now to hell with the rest of 'em all. Right!

So, you may well feel unapologetic about it all, I did.
Will it help?
No one much really cares a dam, as you are in no need of any comfort or support, as you say, it be just fine also.
Funny though you spend so much time over here...
Entertainment I guess then? And that be just fine also.
I'm entertained too, most often.

Just thoughtful about young guns... hum
Axélle
Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 27, 2011, 11:54:40 AM
So that is an irony - people are lamenting other people who are long gone but you say they are still here, heh.
Where?

I said on the OTHER board they stayed. I didn't say anything about the population HERE in that regard.

I certainly miss several of the folks who were most active when I joined.
----------------------------

Time for one of my patented rambling digressions into trivia, skip this bit if you like.

Looking at the member list, there were 36 embers (who haven't been deleted or something) of this board at the end of 2005

(I have no idea of there was a previous site which migrated here without carrying over membership dates, i'm just going by what's available)

One year later there were 100 members.

Of those original 36, 10 didn't even last long enough to reach 100 posts (no way to measure lurking without access to the admin panel) and 17 reached at least 500

Of that 100, 30 never reached 100 posts. Only 10 of the 74 who registered in 2006 reached 1,000 posts. 24 of the first 100 reached that level so far.

so the REALLY old school core membership is tiny - and one has to wonder how many of those 100 are still active at all. I'll bet it's shockingly low. I don't read every board here regularly, but there are only about a dozen of those names familiar to me.

200 more members joined in 2007, almost half of those (99) never reached 100 posts. Only 22 reached 1,000 posts.

I won't keep counting on that theme but the pattern is obvious, many join, few stay  (maybe 10-15%)  and even some of those drift away in time. It's like that for any board and that alone is not necessarily a sign of a "bad vibe" or whatever.

Ranked by post count, I've the 63rd most posts (out of 9,216 registered members in just over a year and a half. And I'm not remotely as prolific here as I am elsewhere.  Only about 1/3 of those above me are names i instantly recognize so i assume a good many have moved on - some of the names I do recognize no longer post to any noticeable extent. I'm not QUITE obsessive enough to post on each name and seen when their last post was.

(another interesting bit of trivia, Masha is already #39 having registers in September, which is astonishing. the next newest one of the 38 above her was a full year  - almost 14 months - earlier and the next "youngest" before that was almost 2 years older. i'm not quite sure what to make of that, lol)

By contrast, just below me at #69 is VeryGnawty who was here from the very start. Kind of anecdotal but basically the idea is that the core group really isn't very large even here.

There's probably just enough o the new members who "stick" for a few years to balance off the "old-timers" who fade away.

but there's nothing really wrong with missing those you don't get to interact with much anymore.

I particularly miss K8 myself.





Some other statistical trivia (which is virtually useless but I'm wasting time on it anyway):

of 9,216 registered members, only 3,793 have more than one post.
Of those 3,793, only 2,371 have as many as 10
Of those 2,371, only 1,673 reached 25
Of those 1,673, only 1,177 reached 50
of those 1,177  only 816 reached 100
of those 816 only 527 reached 200
of those 527, a mere 236 reached 500
and of those 236, only 116 reached 1,000

so out of 2,371 would bother to stay long enough to reach 10 posts, less than 5% stayed to reach 1,000, about 10% reached 500, about 22% reached 200.

there's probably some sophisticated pattern there I can't put my finger on.
:)
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Devlyn on December 28, 2011, 06:29:51 AM
I want to call Shenanigans on this whole thread. The O/P says she has been here 7.5 months, but registered on October 13th. Why don't you tell everyone how you racked up a bunch of negative reputation points not caring at all about anyone being comfortable, then deleted your account and came back as Lildevilofprada? Sorry to call you out, but you aren't being upfront. Hugs, Devlyn

an interesting observation
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 29, 2011, 01:50:18 AM
Memo: I am arrogant and condescending. I make no apologies for it.

Sorry, I am not here for your feeling of comfort or anyone elses. If I like something, I am gonna say something...If not, I say anyways. I have a realistic perspective of transition, something I feel a lot of the transcommunity fails at. We see things through rose colored glasses...

My point was not to say "do you realize how you sound?"

My point was to say "surely one who chooses those traits must be aware of the distaste others will have for it"

If a poster/person decides the like being the sort of person that many people will find distasteful, I suppose that's their privilege. Every board has them.

It's not very much good for anything but gratifying the ego though. I can't see a bit of difference in that attitude here, and the Fundy preacher I've been debating elsewhere who thinks that all theology is to be measured for correctness against HIS theology, and if you disagree then you are simply apostate and need to get right.
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on December 29, 2011, 03:01:29 AM
Hum, "arrogant and condescending" eh? --- Sounds like me in mostly my early days 14 --- 54... maybe still now?!

You may realize that it is the coin's flipside, or overcompensation, to insecurity and low self-esteem... not that it ever feel quite that way. You in control, and now to hell with the rest of 'em all. Right!

So, you may well feel unapologetic about it all, I did.
Will it help?
No one much really cares a dam, as you are in no need of any comfort or support, as you say, it be just fine also.
Funny though you spend so much time over here...
Entertainment I guess then? And that be just fine also.
I'm entertained too, most often.

Just thoughtful about young guns... hum
Axélle


it is a bit of an interesting point. Blow into town with a self professed arrogant and condescending attitude towards people you are convinced offer you nothing of value to respect or learn from and proceed to rack up 2,000+ posts in little more than three months among all these folks who are not as smart as you are?

What could possibly be the motivation for that?

I don't mean to sound bitchy about it but it does seem like someone who has their sh** together so much more than the rest of us wouldn't want to dirty their hands with the less enlightened.
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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AbraCadabra

Quote from: Devlyn on December 28, 2011, 06:29:51 AM
I want to call Shenanigans on this whole thread. The O/P says she has been here 7.5 months, but registered on October 13th. Why don't you tell everyone how you racked up a bunch of negative reputation points not caring at all about anyone being comfortable, then deleted your account and came back as Lildevilofprada? Sorry to call you out, but you aren't being upfront. Hugs, Devlyn

All to do with: ... lost its feeling of comfort?

Posting is ALSO a kind of a growth experience.
As my previous consulting team had it: "Grow - or go"

BTW, I had to go... :-)
Axélle
Some say: "Free sex ruins everything..."
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Cindy

Well, I finally locked it.

Why?

This is Susan's. It is a support site for people with gender identity problems. Susan took it over to make it a more accessible site for people like us. She keeps that vision.

What is that vision?

To enable an area where people with terrible social stigma can meet, talk discuss and help each other.

It has not worked well,  IT HAS WORKED MAGNIFICENTLY.

It has worked so well that many of the girls and boys who started out on this site have left. You know why?

Because the support from this site and their friends have  gave them the confidence to move forward. Some stayed for a while and then realised that life had moved on. They could no longer argue or discuss with people who are too frightened to go forward. They were in NO WAY  unsympathetic, it just gets grinding, and we move on to the next flow of people.

As staff  I see the bizarre and the rude and the mad and the sad, and yes some of us have spent hours trying to talk a gun out of someone's mouth. Some we win, I still hear the sounds for those  that I lost.

We are all different.  There is no agenda, some of the post op girls just find it too weird to be here after a while. I can understand why.

They get insulted.

They insult back

The cycle starts and ends and then we poor fools, the Moderators, have to ban our friends.

Goddess that breaks my heart.  Banning a person who has talked me down, because she has been riled by a pretence of a person. But I follow the rules.

I keep the site running for you.

I get pleasure from being a Mod and I have made many many friends, and some of you know that it has given me an opportunity to do stuff that is probably unique in your lives.

That is what Susan's is about.

I am not Susan's but I'm a part of it. A very proud part of it. A very humble part of it.

If you don't like how this site posts, well post better. If you want to post porn go somewhere else. If you do not want to support people, leave. I will shed no tears.

If you want help I will be with you every step of the way.

As I know every true member of this site will be as well.

I am here.

I am Cindy James and I have had enough of the crap.
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