Well Lexi, honey this is very similar to what I went through when I was your age (im going to be 27). I had known that I was transgender and that there was such a thing as transitioning since I was seventeen. A case worker at KidsPeace Hospital gave me an article from Teen People about two teenagers that transitioned. I thought then (at 17) that I would start transitioning right away...
well, I hate to say it or think about it, but I'm now 27, and it's ten years later and I haven't done it at all. In college I was stuck there. I hated it and it wasn't for me and it didn't amount to anything. I was too afraid to transition on campus because I hated that there were so many students there and I didn't have a car. I had no transportation at all.
Things changed when I got a car so I would say the first step is mobility. I didn't get a car until I was 24 years old.
I can tell you that college is very rough for us because its very public and to make that kind of change in that environment is just not easy but I will tell you this: I regret not starting this at your age.
I went through ten years basically going through phases of trying to accept that I was stuck so I told myself I was gay and I told myself I didn't need to change. I wouldn't pass anyway and so whenever I would see in the mirror or in pictures I told myself to get over it and move on, but what I've learned is that you keep coming back to it.
It does not get easier with time. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be. The man is going to get older-looking as you get older - 24, 25, 26... you're going to see it in the mirror that you're getting older looking but as a guy and it's going to make you wish you could have done something earlier...
What I should have done is when I was your age I should have become much more vocal and committed and assertive with my identity. I would tell your parents. If you don't have a car, that is the first thing I would get. It's very important because you're going to be driving around a lot.
The next step after that is to find a good therapist and a support group. I would go to the support group as often as possible. I didn't think I needed other transgender people. I was wrong. I do.
There are conferences around the country for transgender people. If you live in the East, there is one in Massachusetts in January, there is one in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in March. The Harrisburg conference is a very good place to go and I would highly recommend it if you live within two hours away.
In Philadelphia, there is a very good conference called Trans Health and it is sponsored by the Mazzoni Center, which is a hospital that you can go to for GLBT people.
When I was in college, I hardly spoke to anyone. I have Aspergers so I am withdrawn socially. There was little social interaction during the day. I had much more interaction with girls than I did with guys. I don't think I even had a conversation lasting more than a minute with any guy on campus.
College for me was not at all fulfilling and I would have never went if I could choose. You're 22 years old and I know at that age my decisions really had to go through my father who controlled financial matters. He still does unfortunately. It is much harder to transition when you don't have control over your life.
I would begin to experiment NOW with makeup and see if you like what it looks like.
It's good you're on this forum here and stay on it. Listen to me. I've lived through what you're living through now. I know exactly what you're going through. So listen to me. Waiting until you're older and older does not make it better. It becomes harder. I never understood that before. I waited too long, I procrastinated, I fell into bad traps, I just languished in it. One day though you realize you're getting older, all the years are passing by and you're still where you were ten years ago... Just fight hard NOW, don't put it off, it will stay with you forever if you do that. Do something about it NOW. It's not going to look any better if you wait five years, believe me.
