When will they learn?!?

[GentlemanRDP]

That calling a boy 'Pretty' is not a compliment >__O;


...Seriously...

So, I have a DA account, and I have quite a few self portraits on there.
They are quite stylized and quite...odd.
Mind you, maybe I'm 'Asking' to be called 'Pretty,'
But I would think that saying that I'm a guy is enough to make other men realize not to call me Pretty.
Seriously. A 34 year old German guy who hardly speaks English has been telling me that I'm pretty for over a week.
I hate being a dick, but I'm considering blocking him...
God, I really hope there's a blocking option on DA.
Yes, granted, there are ways to justify him saying it, I guess...
But all I can think is,
I don't think that he would like it if another guy went up to him and said that he was 'pretty'
Yes, I'm straight, and I don't appreciate men complimenting my looks, Not like that.

This was a venting post...yes >.<;;

[Bishounen]

Whether being called "Pretty" as a boy is an insult or a compliment, is highly depending on what kind of boy it is.
If it is a gendervarianted boy, then it could actually be very much of a compliment. A friend of mine that was a femboy, loved being called "pretty".
However, if it is a cis-male, then that might be a worse idea, yes. On the other hand, even that depends highly on the guy in those circumstances aswell.

[Squirrel698]

Personally I don't mind being called pretty, any time night or day.  It's much better than being called ugly after all.

[GentlemanRDP]

Well, I can see both of your points.

But I suppose that, what upsets me is the fact that they assume that I won't mind.
I guess that I'm just assuming that their train of thought runs along the lines of
"Oh...it used to be a girl, so it's okay if I says that it's pretty,"
While most 'Bio-men' are usually not dubbed 'pretty' by other men,
Thought...I assume that this might happen in the gay community.
I have nothing wrong with gays, but I'm not one either >__O;
Byah....It just doesn't make any sense to me that this guy seems to think that it's okay to call me pretty,
Considering that I don't think he goes to other guys telling them that they are pretty.
And now I'm just whining >____O;;

[caseyyy]

Do they know for sure about your trans history? If so, then yeah, it's very insensitive to call you pretty. But is you present as a guy and have never given indication you're trans, I'd take it as a compliment. I've never really heard of guys calling other guys pretty, even gay ones, but I'm not gay - I know girls have used that for guys though and not meant it in a bad way.

[Bishounen]

Well, I can see both of your points.

But I suppose that, what upsets me is the fact that they assume that I won't mind.
I guess that I'm just assuming that their train of thought runs along the lines of
"Oh...it used to be a girl, so it's okay if I says that it's pretty,"
While most 'Bio-men' are usually not dubbed 'pretty' by other men,
Thought...I assume that this might happen in the gay community.
I have nothing wrong with gays, but I'm not one either >__O;
Byah....It just doesn't make any sense to me that this guy seems to think that it's okay to call me pretty,
Considering that I don't think he goes to other guys telling them that they are pretty.
And now I'm just whining >____O;;

It is unfortunate that it got to you as it did.

However, perhaps it might be more comfortable knowing that it does not necessarily has to be at all that they call you "pretty" because you have been a girl, although I completely understand those suspicions of yours.
And another thing; Do you equal "pretty" wth "Cute"?  If someone said you were "Cute", then would you feel offended by that aswell, or is it only the "Pretty" that feels effeminating for you?

And yet another and perhaps even more important thing: You said the guy calling you "pretty" hardly speaks any English at all- Perhaps he meant to say "Cute"?
In German he would most likely have said "Süss", which roughly translated means "Sweet"(As in sugar), but is used when referring to someone as either "Pretty" or "Cute" and "Süss" can be used on guys aswell, although perhaps not as often as other synonyms, so it could very well be a slight confusion of words on his behalf.

In either case, you do look "Cute", sorry for saying it if it is not appreciated but you do, even if you would not have been born a birth-assigned female.
In fact, I personally find the matter of the Bio-Sex irrelevant, as you are cute no matter birth assigned Sex. Some guys just are.
However, to me there is somewhat of a difference between "cute" and "pretty", and I agree that "Pretty" comes with a somewhat feminine feeling to it in a way that "Cute" for some reason doesn't to the same extent.

Anyway, if you are open about your status on the site/s you are referring to, then it could be helpful writing down your feelings on the info-section of your profile, about your identity and what it means and how various things affect you.

That way, the people contacting you may get a better grip on what to say or not to say(If they bother reading the profile at all, that is, as many people just go ahead and send whatever messages they like anyways and ask things that are already answered on the profile ).

I wish you luck.

[Natkat]

I see the point, I also highly prefern the word Handsome"

I got alittle simular thing with people calling me cute..
however cute are alittle more unisex and I am also called cute from people where I pass all the way.
yet its kinda annoying to be called cute all the time.

[fatalerror]

Have you brought it up to him in that you would prefer he not use the word "pretty"?

I agree that for some, it could be offensive or demeaning, and for others, they see it as a compliment. Plenty of my friends (both guys and girls) refer to a lot of male singers as "pretty" just because they're good looking, well-kept men. I know guys who like being seen as pretty boys, it's certainly something that can vary from person to person, but they don't have to be gay. I also agree with Bishounen that his limited English and his own meaning for the word (possibly "cute") is likely only an attempt to compliment you. Most portraits receive comments about the person in the photo being pretty, handsome, cute, etc. It's very common from what I've seen around DA.

There is an option for blocking people on DA, but he doesn't seem to be trying to upset you. Honestly, if it were me, I'd just respond politely by thanking him for the kind comment, but saying that you aren't very comfortable with being called "pretty." Hopefully he will understand. Good luck!

[JohnAlex]

I personally hate being called pretty, but that's because everyone who says it means it the same way they mean it when they call a girl pretty.
I think a guy can be called pretty, but it depends A LOT on the context.

And I've never been called pretty within a context that I wasn't offended.

[insideontheoutside]

I'm a much prettier guy than I am a girl So I'm ok with the term.

I guess if it's people who know you're trans calling you pretty it could have different connotations.

Even when calling a regular male pretty it has different connotations - can either be used as a complement or used as derogatory depending on who's saying it and the context.

I notice there's a lot of creepers on DA ... like people that scope out young boys/girls and stalk them. The German guy sounds like one of those types.

[Kreuzfidel]

It would annoy me, too - but I'd cut the guy some slack if he's not a native English-speaker.  As the others said, be blunt and tell him you don't like him calling you that word and why - people can't read your mind, mate.

[N.Chaos]

Personally I don't mind being called pretty, any time night or day.  It's much better than being called ugly after all.

If I'm being called pretty as a guy, than I absolutely don't mind. I'm not exactly butch (the regular use of eyeliner kind of puts an end to that, really) but as others have said, I can see 100% why it might bother a lot of guys.

And yes, thankfully, there is indeed a block option on DA.

[GentlemanRDP]

Do they know for sure about your trans history? If so, then yeah, it's very insensitive to call you pretty. But is you present as a guy and have never given indication you're trans, I'd take it as a compliment. I've never really heard of guys calling other guys pretty, even gay ones, but I'm not gay - I know girls have used that for guys though and not meant it in a bad way.

They do, I have it plastered all over my page, it's pretty hard to miss.
And that's exactly why it bothers me, if it was a term that other bio-men use on other bio-men, I wouldn't be nearly as offended.
I guess that I'm just whining, but it's kind of a no-brainer to me I guess.

[GentlemanRDP]

It is unfortunate that it got to you as it did.

However, perhaps it might be more comfortable knowing that it does not necessarily has to be at all that they call you "pretty" because you have been a girl, although I completely understand those suspicions of yours.
And another thing; Do you equal "pretty" wth "Cute"?  If someone said you were "Cute", then would you feel offended by that aswell, or is it only the "Pretty" that feels effeminating for you?

And yet another and perhaps even more important thing: You said the guy calling you "pretty" hardly speaks any English at all- Perhaps he meant to say "Cute"?
In German he would most likely have said "Süss", which roughly translated means "Sweet"(As in sugar), but is used when referring to someone as either "Pretty" or "Cute" and "Süss" can be used on guys aswell, although perhaps not as often as other synonyms, so it could very well be a slight confusion of words on his behalf.

In either case, you do look "Cute", sorry for saying it if it is not appreciated but you do, even if you would not have been born a birth-assigned female.
In fact, I personally find the matter of the Bio-Sex irrelevant, as you are cute no matter birth assigned Sex. Some guys just are.
However, to me there is somewhat of a difference between "cute" and "pretty", and I agree that "Pretty" comes with a somewhat feminine feeling to it in a way that "Cute" for some reason doesn't to the same extent.

Anyway, if you are open about your status on the site/s you are referring to, then it could be helpful writing down your feelings on the info-section of your profile, about your identity and what it means and how various things affect you.

That way, the people contacting you may get a better grip on what to say or not to say(If they bother reading the profile at all, that is, as many people just go ahead and send whatever messages they like anyways and ask things that are already answered on the profile ).

I wish you luck.

I guess that I wouldn't have been all that offended had he said 'cute' rather than 'pretty,' and it is the fact that it's more feminine that bothers me ( Which I guess is silly because I am rather feminine ) And I totally didn't even consider that, as I know no German whatsoever >_____O; But I guess that that makes sense. Thanks for pointing that out, that actually makes me feel a little better.

And I'll definitely take your advice, thanks for that!

[GentlemanRDP]

I see the point, I also highly prefern the word Handsome"

I got alittle simular thing with people calling me cute..
however cute are alittle more unisex and I am also called cute from people where I pass all the way.
yet its kinda annoying to be called cute all the time.

I definitely agree that being called 'cute' all the time is annoying >__O;
Makes me wanna go the Kyo route (( Dir En Grey )) And become all scary and gorey so that no one can consider me cute again xDD

[GentlemanRDP]

Have you brought it up to him in that you would prefer he not use the word "pretty"?

I agree that for some, it could be offensive or demeaning, and for others, they see it as a compliment. Plenty of my friends (both guys and girls) refer to a lot of male singers as "pretty" just because they're good looking, well-kept men. I know guys who like being seen as pretty boys, it's certainly something that can vary from person to person, but they don't have to be gay. I also agree with Bishounen that his limited English and his own meaning for the word (possibly "cute") is likely only an attempt to compliment you. Most portraits receive comments about the person in the photo being pretty, handsome, cute, etc. It's very common from what I've seen around DA.

There is an option for blocking people on DA, but he doesn't seem to be trying to upset you. Honestly, if it were me, I'd just respond politely by thanking him for the kind comment, but saying that you aren't very comfortable with being called "pretty." Hopefully he will understand. Good luck!

Thanks for the comment.

I've tried that, and he just responded, "But you really are pretty!"
Or something to that effect, I deleted the message.
Ehhh, I've sort of been selective on the messages that I reply to from him,
I guess that I need to be more patient because of the language barrier >__O;

[caseyyy]

I suppose there is also the option of ignoring him? I would say if he knows your history, and you've asked him not to call you pretty, and he still isn't respecting your boundaries, it's time to cut the ties.