Closer to Transitioning, confronted/more open to masculinity/feminity

[YinYanga]

Hi everyone, not to make it sound too confusing (the title is so horribly long already ) but I wonder if other people deal with this too or that it's maybe something that rings alarm-bells

While I always have been androgynous/feminine in my expression and needs I notice that the closer I get to actually starting the transition to the female body I cherish I am somehow also more masculine or more open to it. It's hard to explain in it but I accept the nuances in others (like FtMs) a bit better than I used to, and I am more direct and opinionated than I used to ....it's like I am still the same person, just with a little bit of rough edges more now

Maybe I can't take the pressure, maybe it's the excitment , maybe it's normal

I talked to my gender-specialist who is counselling me in the transition at a hospital but I called it more like 'fears' , that I wouldnt be able to pass, that I am too 'off' to do it, she said it was
rather normal and that it's my personality ( very self-reflecting, emotional, poor discipline) and I have nothing to fear when it comes to my body, looks-wise

I don't know... it's a bit of an issue I can't really explain too well because I dont know what it means or where it comes from, hope anyone understands it ^^

Vivi