The Neverending War Between Brain, Body, and Heart

[sysm29]

I have the heart of a woman.  I also have the soul and the spirit of a woman.  Truly, deeply, and always.  My brain has always been female. 

However, I've always had, for just as long, the body of a male/boy/man.  The two of them are always fighting a long, suffering, horrible, terrifying war that has gone on for a very long time.

There are many ways to view a transgender experience - as a war, a curse, a plight, a nightmare, a really bad chick flick ... I've used all of them but war seems to really be the strongest word.

I see myself as a woman who has been besieged by Male Puberty and Testosterone for a long time.  Whenever I try and fight my body, it fights back.

When will the war be over though?  Will the tides begin to turn one day and will I finally, finally begin winning battles?

[cindianna_jones]

It depends on what you do to win your war. Unfortunately, that is up to you. You are likely well aware from perusing this site that there are many potential solutions. You should also realize that winning a few battles does not win the war. For many of us, the war is never truly won. We fully transition and still look over our shoulder to see if anyone notices that we're different. I must admit feeling that way sometimes.

I think the first step is to acknowledge fully who you are and accept it. Without that, taking any steps towards transition can be wreckless and may hurt you. There are many challenges to face during transtion. Some do better than others.

Take care and...

chin up!

Cindi