Dreams About Coming Out To My Sister

[King Malachite]

About a year or so ago I had a convo with my mother.  It was getting into a slight debate.  I don't remember how it went exactly but I did express to her that I did wish that I was a biological male and that I want to be a boy/man.  Not too soon after I was riding with my sister to church on the following Satuday and she told me "Mom said you want to be a boy."  I just told her that I don't want to talk about it and she said ok.

Lately I've been regretting that I didn't tell her when she prompted the convo.  It would be one less thing off my chest.  I can't bring myself to officially come out and tell her now officially even though I'm more educated on the subject of being transgendered.  I'm sure she knows but she is a pastor which makes it more awkward.  She's more conservative and is against gay marriage so imagine how this would be.  I'm sure she would still love me but knowing her all she would say is "well I will pray for you" as if it's a cure to being transgendered.

I actually told about 10 years ago when I was in 5th grade that I wanted to be a boy and that I am going to have surgery to make that happen (this was before I knew it was actually possible) and she said the same thing that "I'm going to pray that you don't have the surgecary" and that just devestated me.

Before I get too off topic, I've been having dreams lately about coming out to her or being in the dream with her already knowing or even in the half state of mind where I think I'm talking in my sleep about being trans and she overhears me so I come out to her immediately after I wake up.  I kind of wish that was the case.

I just wanted to get that off my chest since I can't bring myself to officially tell her just yet but the dreams have been on my mind lately.

[Cindy]

Lets put this into perspective.

You identify as FtM, you are currently on treatment for it? As in a therapist and going onto T? You are committed and understand what you are doing?

It is your life. No one else's. no one has the right to judge your decision.

Your sister has a religious view that I'm not able to understand so I will not comment. But what right do she have to control any part of your life?

What part of self determination is confusing?

I do not mean this post rudely, just to point out that it is your life, your decisions and you live with them. No one else does.

As soon as we realise we are responsible for our own lives, then that is the day we move forward.

Cindy

[King Malachite]

Sadly I haven't even transitioned yet.  I'm still pretending to live as a female which makes it all worse.  No resorces where I live to transition. 

[Cindy]

Sadly I haven't even transitioned yet.  I'm still pretending to live as a female which makes it all worse.  No resorces where I live to transition. 

OK so why not start on the small steps. Start wearing non-fem clothes, unless you wish to. Stop shaving the legs, again unless you wish to, start using a deeper voice. Start to present Ando. People will start getting used to it. An guess what? You've made progress.

Hugs
Cindy

[King Malachite]

Then I've started making some progress then.  My clothes started to be more gender-neutral.  For some odd reason the genetics in my family are crap so I barely have hair on my legs to begin with.  I have been practicing with my voice though to make it sounds more deeper and soemtimes it works when I'm talking to others.  I just got to keep at it.

[Preston]

I'm kind of in the same boat. I've come out to my mom, but not to my dad or sister. I am on medication for a few mental disorders and they just don't understand them. They think that it's "all in my head" (pardon the pun) and that I just want attention. So, how do I come out with something like this?
I feel you, Malachite (I love that name, btw, it's a beautiful stone). I'm just trying to be true to myself and I hope one day I can be true to my family as well.

[King Malachite]

I'm kind of in the same boat. I've come out to my mom, but not to my dad or sister. I am on medication for a few mental disorders and they just don't understand them. They think that it's "all in my head" (pardon the pun) and that I just want attention. So, how do I come out with something like this?
I feel you, Malachite (I love that name, btw, it's a beautiful stone). I'm just trying to be true to myself and I hope one day I can be true to my family as well.

Hey Preston thank you for the name compliment man.    The emotional build up for me just got too much for me to handle so I did wind up telling her and the dreams have stopped so so far my dad and sister knows (although both reacted negatively).  I want to be true to myself too and I hope they can accept me. 

I talked about it here

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,115120.msg882051.html#msg882051