Hello Tori,
Please say hello to your fiance for me. She is some awesome partner. I respect her opinions and social position.
You are indeed a very perceptive individual. I commend you for reading between the lines and sensing my reservations. I did so, to acknowledge the advanced open relationship you currently have with your partner, and pending counselling opportunity. I didn't want to be intrusive as you appear to have the situation under an advanced form of management. Highly commendable.
However having said that; and in response to your hypothetical parental scenario, let me provide you with some personal experiences. You will already understand that each individuals journey is quite unique. What is good and works for one, does not necessarily work and is good for another. Also as a generality, it is understood that one persons transition is everyone transition. People in your circle of influence need room to move and adapt to these horrendous changes as well. Published figures in this respect, indicate that more than 50% of these relationships do not survive.
Let me address two issues I have a concern with from what you have said so far. Given the fact I'm not privy to your fiances opinions and thoughts on the matter. To a large degree I'm sailing in uncharted waters and as such may say something inappropriate, causing me to flounder. The two issues of concern are, the effects hormones have on an individuals perceptions and ways of thinking; and your relationship in context of wanting to prioritise the wedding first, transition second.
Firstly. HRT to be successful in MtF transition relies upon the reduction of 'T' and an increase in 'E'. This can have a radical affect to the brain by stimulating more 'E' receptors, changing and remapping various parts of the brain to a more"feminised" version. The changes you eluded to are more or less related to the physical changes HRT has on the body. Similar changes to your mental perceptions and ways of thinking may also occur.
These changes, may or may not be acceptable to legal partners, possibly creating undue demands/expectations resulting in irreconcilable differences.
By way of personal example, once I made the decision to transition and commenced HRT my preceptions of men changed substantially. 12 months ago my attitude toward men was somewhat distant. Not being able to trust them to any major degree, having been abused by them during my formative years. My perception of them now is totally different. I perceive them in the light of being a potential husband and looking forward to the day I can enjoy fulfilling sexual relations with them. Note well. This is not every TG persons perception.. It simply gives an indication of the possibilities one may encounter.
Secondly. Although I can understand the euphoric feeling you both may be experiencing regarding the pending wedding; plus the fact your fiance will have different perceptions, needs and desires than yourself about it. Based on the absolutely profound changes your transition is going to have on you both; I would think you would need to experience part of the HRT programme prior to entering into a legal and binding marriage contract. Your fiance needs to be able to understand and see what this transition is actually going to do to you, so she can make a well informed decision about where she wants to be in relations to her needs and desires.
Your example with teaching the child to swim, is very apt. My desire as a parent to ensure the safety of my child and promote the enjoyment, swimming can provide. The child's need to experience what is perceived by them as a enjoyable recreation and being socially acceptable, may come to a cataclysmic end when the child enters the water. They may be overcome by the cold temperature, power of the current, possibility of being taken by a shark, drowned in a rip, etc, etc. Could see the child scarred for life, never to go anywhere near water ever again. These factors weren't know prior to getting into the water, nor was there the slightest indication of them. The intent by both parties was good; the experience by one was fatal.
Hope this has shed a little further light on the possibilities of your journey. You mentioned, " electro-shock"? Can you elaborate on that? I'm not sure whether you are referring to electrolysis, Electro Convulsive Therapy or something else.
Just in summary. Having re-read your second post. I'm wondering
1. Whether you fiance is aware you now wish to engage in HRT.
2. Your current propensity to be "attracted to male personalities" may be heightened once on HRT. (i) How does your fiance feel about that? (ii) How does this change your overall perceptions? (iii) In your journey to womanhood; can you perceive being the bride/wife?
3. If item 2 realised itself, and your love for your fiance waned as a result. (i) How would you deal with this post wedding? (ii) Or if it was latent; post children?
There are may issues and scenarios like this that need to be canvassed by you both, pre wedding, through a therapist/counselor. My humble opinion.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
