well, hey everyone, how are you all
this is my first foray into transgender groups online, so i guess ill start with my "story" so to speak.
First, i guess you can all call me Rachel, its a name i have taken a liking to and want to listen to and see how i like it when applied to me.
I guess ill start at when i started feeling wrong, or at least the earliest i can remember. I can honestly remember wishing i was a girl at about the age of 11 or 12....ish.....all you mtf's know the feeling where you just feel wrong. you look at your body and your brain is screaming......ahhhh wtf. hehe. well i did the whole wish to my creator that i could be changed thing....the crying at some nights....feeling and looking wrong every time i see myself in the mirror. My personality has always been closer to that of a female, such as the way i act and interact with those around me. I have always found that traditionally masculine activities not only bore, but disgust me, and i find them dumb. I will be talking with a coworker at my job and he will be going on about the hot woman who just walked in, and while i do find her attractive, i find the conversation awkward, like i shouldn't be there.
Now i cannot say that I find myself physically attracted to males, just everything about the male body disgusts me, especially when it is on me. When I look at an attractive woman I not only feel attracted to her, but also envy everything she has.
I guess I just wanted to feel like I am correct outside, which was why I never fit in in high school. I was a recluse because I couldn't fit in with the guys (my brain never worked like that) and the girls just shunned me away. So I found my own friends (mostly guys as the case was) who I could interact with without having to deal with the typical testosterone based shtuff that i can't stand. Well now I have been out of high school for a few years, and have discovered how to fix this part of me,...transition.
I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now and have come to understand things about myself, and things that I need to stop worrying about. For example telling my parents, my therapist pretty much said that when I do, by what she has come to understand about what I have said about them, that they will love me however I am and accept it after a while. This way of thought has eased many of my fears, so I feel I have accomplished much with my therapist.
I plan on starting electrolysis soon (hopefully next month) and also getting my ears pierced next week........so I have much ahead of me.
So it is wonderful to meet all of you and I hope that we may all be good friends and that I will learn much here?
Rachel out....hehe
