Hi MADI,
Good to hear you are coping and quite positive about your experience with your parents. Both envie and Beverley have made excellent points in their advice.
I feel you have nailed your Father on the head, with your thought ,"I think most of it comes down to his desire for me to have more grandchildren for him and follow his goals he had set out for me,"
I sense from what you've said about his reaction, "At first, my father seemed quite supportive and very caring of my situation." Tends to be a typical male parent, knee jerk reaction to a siblings dilemma. Later his, "he has stated that no matter what the physical issues are, it can be "overcome." appears to be him 'sorting' your problem out while he is in a state of shock.
The fact he has used the term 'overcome'; and there is more than ONE issue at hand, as he defined one of them as 'physical', he may have other ones he doesn't want to 'scare' you with; rings alarm bells with me. He, being a traditionalist with the view of "press on to find God's calling"; plus the ability to "overcome" the situation, says to me, that he is going to make every concerted effort within his community to "pray the gay away", or have some 'shrink' straighten you out; come hell, rain or high water. I may be 1000% wrong, and I hope for your sake I am. I've seen this happen in the past, particularly with him trying to put you at easy " He seems to think that all that I need to do is be optimistic about it all, and everything will be normal..." The words "optimistic" and "normal" tell me he is looking for a cure.
The facts as I see them. You have a traditional (relatively closed minded thinking) Christian Father, who has high expectations of his son. Whom has just informed him, he is not really a son; but a pending daughter. Reaction: Good grief .... my son is seriously ill. I need to find a cure for him. The possible shame, he (your Father) may have to face; may be crippling.
A second dilemma for your Father, and probably your Mother, who, in the best interest of family unity is supporting her husbands way of thinking. Is the fact, how can I explain to my community and field of influence, that my son is going to become a girl? He has a choice. Either he forgets about you completely and your name is never mentioned in conversation, or he has to find a 'cure' for you. Failure to do so will bring a backlash reaction from his community, as he has 'failed' to provide adequate parental support for an 'ill' sibling.
These are typical reactions set up in the stages of grief envie eluded to. Again, I hope I'm 1000% wrong and have totally misread a parent engaged in 'unconditional' love. Unfortunately I've seen it too many times where parents, trying to carry out their duty, with blinkered vision, see your behaviour as some mental disease that can be cured.
A few points for you to consider. 1. Hold your ground, at all costs. This is your life we are talking about here. Nobody else. 2. As Beverley said, keep the communication channels open. 3. Tell your parents you have documented medical evidence of what you are telling them. Under NO circumstance, GIVE it to them. Wait until they ask for it. That action indicates they are in a head space of wanting to know the truth. Giving them (unsolicited) the information, may find them with the headspace that is not ready to receive such profound information and may be deemed as a plethora of lies and deceit. 4. Let them know you are ready to talk to them about this when and only when they are ready. When they ask anything about it, preface you reply with "Are you ready to hear what I have to say?" Their response should give you some idea where their headspace is. Hopefully it is in unconditional love and respect for you as an individual, place. Keep asking them, how are they coping? Depending of their state of grief will have them somewhere between unconditional love and a 'cure for your illness.'
Hope this in some way helps you navigate a good course through these times. Let us know what's happening and how you are coping. That's important to us as a family.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
