Well, she's letting me dress now.

[LivingInGrey]

I ended up taking a little bit of extra time off this week. I just feel stressed out from working so much since July that I wanted to take some time for myself.

One of the things I ended up doing this week was completing what little I had for women's clothes so I have at least two pants, two shirts (though we're thinking of getting some replacements for her and I soon) and I found a decent hoodie to be able to wear as needed. After complaining about the front of my pants bunching up (she says It's cause I didn't have the butt to fit into my jeans properly) my S.O. took me out to get some underwear along with a padded underwear.

first of all... O.M.G. what a difference an inch in the backside can make for the look of a decent pair of jeans. It felt good and sitting down for long periods of time is much more cooshy

Anyways, the first day off I ended up doing my nails and got fully dressed. By the end of the day I hadn't even noticed what time it was until my S.O. called asking what was for dinner. I was shocked that it was already time for me to get back into boy mode so I told her "be ready for it cause I'm having a feel good/look good day and I know you said not around me but with you buying me all this stuff it's about time you got to see the full set on me".

When she got home it didn't even phase her that I was all decked out with my hair down and nails done up. It wasn't until after dinner that she even commented on any of it. She said my nails were cute but I got something on my hoodie from cooking. Other then that later on in the evening she said the jeans looked better on me then my male jeans, but scolded me for using her clips for my hair =/

I felt like me. Seeing the nails when ever I did anything that had me looking at my hands was the kicker. The front of my jeans looked more natural then I'd ever seen them before. I felt complete.

Except for the nagging feeling that I couldn't ever go outside like that. I'm even going to have to stop wearing my bras once summer hits.

I feel like I just want to tell everyone to cope or GTFO and start on hormones.  But I don't know if hormones and surgeries would even be enough. My shoulders, hands and feet are huge! If I knew going through with everything, loss of family and friends included would make me happy I'd do it in a heart beat. But passing 110% seems overly important to me.

Gah... Enough with this silly QQ crap.

I had a good day though.

[VannaSiamese]

If I knew going through with everything, loss of family and friends included would make me happy I'd do it in a heart beat. But passing 110% seems overly important to me.

A little bit of advice... once you pass and live a normal life as female, passing means nothing.  It's just an anchor to latch on to to pull you further in, but once you pass you will find something else to worry about.
This is coming from somebody that is smaller than a lot of women, with a small head, small hands, medium shoulders that passes completely.  In fact, I pass so well that only my closest friends know I am really a guy. So, after the surgeries, after 3 years of living as a passable woman and being completely accepted as a female into society and the workplace, I am deciding to go back to being a guy.  I suspect I will incorporate a lot of my female cloths into my male wardrobe... but to me, going back to being a guy seems to be a way better life than the life I have now. My life now, or lack of life I should say, is consumed with being a woman.  If i'm not shopping for cloths, spending 20 minutes trying to dry my hair or doing my makeup, chances are I'm staring in the mirror at myself, picking apart all the subtle details that I think have any hint of masculinity.  Then that's usually followed by countless hours of reading on the internet about available surgeries that target that area... and then counting money to see if I can afford it.  After that I'll be scared to leave my house for a few days, and when I do leave i'll feel incredibly uncomfortable.

I use to say the same thing... once I pass, everything will be ok... and for me, passing as female was as easy as putting on women's cloths and stepping out of the house.  Now I can't even pass as a man and I want to go back.  Sorry to put a damper on things, but typically, passing solves nothing.

[Tori]

Life is life. Doesn't matter where ya' live or who ya' are.