Artemis says "hi" (very shy and quietly)

[Artemis]

I'm M2F, XXY, asexual [edit I removed some personal information from the public space to protect my privacy]

I kinda-sorta always knew that I was female, but without actually realizing it? I never had a narrative in which "I'm not male and never will be" could be expressed? What finally forced me to seek help was waking up at night crying/grieving because I would never become a mother? Because that was just too weird?

While I'd love to transition (and I would if I was younger) However... I already have "a life" which I don't want to give up? So at the moment circumstances prevent me from transitioning :-/ which makes me sad, because circumstances might not change anytime soon.

For me it's mostly about how I see myself: I want to see the real me when I look into the mirror? On the other hand I do feel a growing need to find someway to express my feminity? To become more feminine but without becoming the "gay male" stereotype, which is quite a tricky thing to pull off? Perhaps I should just try to become more androgynous?

Even though I can't transition at the moment, I don't particularly look very masculine either? Still more a boy then a man and I would like to prevent any further development? Even low-T has a cumulative effect over time. Just knowing that I will not become (however slowly) more masculine but instead will become more feminine will most likely be enough to lift 90% of my dysphoria? So I think I would like to have HRT, but for now without the RLE, very slowly moving towards my goal, until either my circumstances change or I decide to go ahead with the transition regardless?

Does anyone here have any recent mtf experience in NL? Especially with the UMCG? Do they offer "slow, long term HRT, without RLE" as an option? Later this month I have my first meeting at the UMCG. Just the intake, if I'm added to the waiting list... it will be at least 6 more months before my first actual session :-/

Any advice on how to deal with the time between knowing your trans* & (maybe/someday) transitioning?

[Princess of Hearts]

HI Artemis!   

[Felix]

Hi Artemis, welcome. I can't help you with most of what you've brought up, but here's some site use links:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

and I can say that

Any advice on how to deal with the time between knowing your trans* & (maybe/someday) transitioning?

is a question I struggled with for years. I'm a single parent and I thought transition wasn't a possibility. I tried to stay busy and not do too many overly gendered activities. Also I spent a lot of time reading about and trying to understand trans stuff from both a medical and a social perspective. That didn't make me any more patient, but it made me feel less powerless.

[Cindy]

Hi Hon'

I'm sixty, and yes that is me. You can do it. You just have to want one thing. Wanting to do it.

We are here for you Doll

Cindy

[Devlyn]

Hi Artemis, it's nice to meet you! Spend lots of time here is my advice. As they say, time flies when you're having fun! See you around, hugs, Devlyn

[Jeneva]

Welcome.  Most people here treat everyone else as family so when you face problems, need some help, or just need to vent someone will be hear to listen.  We'll also be here to congratulation you when you succeed too.

While I'd love to transition (and I would if I was younger) However... At end30s I already have "a life" which I don't want to give up? So at the moment circumstances prevent me from transitioning :-/ which makes me sad, because circumstances might not change anytime soon.

Never be sure that you will lose your "life".  If you need to transition and you can stay positive you may find that things aren't as bad as you think and find a way around the various obstacles.

Any advice on how to deal with the time between knowing your trans* & (maybe/someday) transitioning?

I finally reached a breaking point at 35.  At that point I didn't feel I'd be able to transition until I was able to retire, but learning about the process and being in a community like this was a great help.  Try to stay positive and even when you feel down don't walk away from your support.  I ran from the forum for a year or two and if I had stayed I'm sure I'd be much better off than fighting through the depression on my own.

[Artemis]

Thank you all for making me feel so welcome.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Artemis,
Welcome to Susan's. As Jeneva said, we are family. So feel free to relax and open your heart to your real self. Plenty of good info and resources to take for a test drive and see where it fits on you.

Difficult position to be in. Not knowing which way to go. They say the best way to predict your future is to create it. Just like our circumstances, we create those as well.

I guess you are in that awkward postions of either staying as you are and being sad all the time, or creating your destiny that has the potential to take you places you never imagined were possible.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy

Lotsa huggs
Catherine