How can I stop being transgender?

[Shantel]

People like us living in aboriginal tribes were sometimes highly revered for being in touch with both genders, they were considered to be in touch with the spirit world, they often became the village witch doctor.

[Joelene9]

  I would like being the male that I was born with.  But even with all of the hurt caused by delays, no gos, and non treatments by the professionals I been seeing since the late 1970's, I would like to go back to being male.  The HRT I was put on did a lot to quell my GID as well to repairing my prostate which was the primary reason for me to go on it.  I am pushing 60 and the prospects of being a proper healthy male in my generation is nil.  All of the females in my generation who are single has told me point blank that they are no longer interested in any kind of romance except the occasional hop into bed.  I have had an awakening this past year on the HRT that was supposed to happen during puberty, that I wanted to date properly for the first time of my life.  I have blossomed in the winter of humankind.
  I could go either way, but as I said above, the prospects of being a proper male in my generation is poor.  Only one of my siblings has told me that she will pray for me that I would find someone with some of the same interests as I have. 
  Joelene

[annette]

Simple answer.....you can't, it's beyond your power.
It's the same with stop being black or white.
It's not something you asked for, it's there, weather you like it or not.
The only thing you can do is making the best of it.
I hope you can manage to have a good life without fighting against yourself, coz that's what it is, a part of you.

[Hikari]

Long ago I realized that I could not "beat" being transgender, it is the way I am, so the only real path forward for me is to embrace it. Of course, I only have my own life, same as anyone else, so it isn't like anyone really has lots of experience on what is best to do, we can only make our choices and live with them the best we can.

[Jamie D]

People like us living in aboriginal tribes were sometimes highly revered for being in touch with both genders, they were considered to be in touch with the spirit world, they often became the village witch doctor.

I have often wondered how I would look in the toga of a demigod.  However, a bone through the nose is might go a little too far. 

[JessicaH]

Back to the OP, I'm afraid there is no was to stop being transgendered so all you can really do make an informed decision to transition or not. Either way it will be a painfull battle and you are the one who has to decide which one is least painful in the longrun.

In most aspects of life, we are rewarded with fighting hard and not giving up. Unfortunately, many of us fight this with everything we have and end up creating a life with spouses, children ,lots of friends and careers careers. Then at some point we hit a wall (age 40 for me) and the GID demands your full attention and will not be ignored. Then if you have a little more strength to fight it, you can get by a little longer but the GID will just increase the to match your will to fight it. It will invade every thought and moment of your life so that you can't deal with anything until you deal with it.

I don't mean to paint such a bleak picture but that's what I experienced and what I have observed from many others. THat's how you end up transitioning at a more advanced stage of your life. You can try to work so hard and stay distracted and all of those other things we do to ignore it but at some point it's not going to work anymore.

I encourage you to find a qualified gender therapist and do some serious soul searching and try to figure this out now. As much as it hurts now, It hurts even more as your life gets more complicated.

I only wish that my parents and friends were the only ones I had to worry about comming out to.

[Stephe]

Then at some point we hit a wall (age 40 for me) and the GID demands your full attention and will not be ignored.

This is the point when it becomes a disorder. You're life revolves around it and all your thoughts are about it. For me once I transitioned, I rarely think about it anymore.

[titsup]

Hi

it is not  really correct that you can or can't stop being transgendered. Hey it is ok to be what ever you want, but it is unlikely that someone "transgendered" can really stop being transgendered.

It is ok with me, if you now say your not transgendered.... M' kay

But lets say your simply confused as you think you are. If your not Transgendered would you like to state what you believe you are? I mean do you align yourself now as straight, Gay or Bi? If your somthing other than straight likely your family will be uncomfortable....

So, be what you want to be it will eventually work out for you as it does for the majority of people.

thank you

[Trixie]

Hi

it is not  really correct that you can or can't stop being transgendered. Hey it is ok to be what ever you want, but it is unlikely that someone "transgendered" can really stop being transgendered.

It is ok with me, if you now say your not transgendered.... M' kay

But lets say your simply confused as you think you are. If your not Transgendered would you like to state what you believe you are? I mean do you align yourself now as straight, Gay or Bi? If your somthing other than straight likely your family will be uncomfortable....

So, be what you want to be it will eventually work out for you as it does for the majority of people.

thank you

I now consider myself male. I still have these feelings, and I still WANT to be female, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing different about my brain or anything like that and my need to be female is purely psychological. It really hurt to admit that, but I felt I had to. I must be true to myself. I am autistic, and that probably has to do with my confusion.

I am bi, but I don't think sexuality is for me anyway. I don't do well with relationships, and I don't understand them. It doesn't really make a difference, as I don't expect to be with anybody anyway.

I must say that it's really, really tough to start thinking of myself as male again. I liked to think of myself as female, but... yeah, that way of thinking can only lead to bad places for me. I hope I can keep from thinking that way too much. Even today though, I have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she".

[Chloe]

. . . seeing as how woman have been oppressed by men since the beginning of civilization.

Oh is that so ? And WHO is it that told you that? I'm being rhetorical of course because obviously we all already know the answer ! So why on earth would you want to join such an "oppressed" class of people ? Guilt? To atone for being born "a man" (a baby boy actually 'cause they're much more "vulnerable" to ABUSE) you now think ya wanna transition so ? ? ? you can then "get even" with the "evil them" every chance you get ? If it makes you feel any better I assure you there are plenty doing THAT already !

Beg pardon but YOU do sound like a perfect example !

If confused it's quite understandable because your basic premise from the beginning IS WRONG ! Supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" why do you even feel the need to pay for the "past sins" of your alleged male forbearers ? Who made you personally responsible FOR THEM ? Again I think we all know the answer already . . . so yer GUILTY by sheer association eh ? I suggest you SCRAP ALL you've been told and, in forming your own objective thoughts and opinions, work on simply LIKING YOURSELF a 'lil better as somebody has obviously laid one huge mental trip unfairly upon you !

I have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she".

I'm no doctor but do know, based on faith if not anything else, that not ALL women are as horrible as you seem to have experienced and think ! Did it ever occur to you that as a "transgendered woman WHATEVER" you could easily "be" (edit: do is poor choice of word) "a women" much better than THEY ever could ?

[Trixie]

Oh is that so ? And WHO is it that told you that? I'm being rhetorical of course because obviously we all already know the answer ! So why on earth would you want to join such an "oppressed" class of people ? Guilt? To atone for being born "a man" (a baby boy actually 'cause they're much more "vulnerable" to ABUSE) you now think ya wanna transition so ? ? ? you can then "get even" with the "evil them" every chance you get ? If it makes you feel any better I assure you there are plenty doing THAT already !

Beg pardon but YOU do sound like a perfect example !

If confused it's quite understandable because your basic premise from the beginning IS WRONG ! Supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" why do you even feel the need to pay for the "past sins" of your alleged male forbearers ? Who made you personally responsible FOR THEM ? Again I think we all know the answer already . . . so yer GUILTY by sheer association eh ? I suggest you SCRAP ALL you've been told and, in forming your own objective thoughts and opinions, work on simply LIKING YOURSELF a 'lil better as somebody has obviously laid one huge mental trip unfairly upon you !

I'm sorry. I realize that was ignorant and I realize that nor all men are that way. I was just explaining how my reasoning was at the time. Guilt was a part of it.

I'm no doctor but do know, based on faith if not anything else, that not ALL women are as horrible as you seem to have experienced and think ! Did it ever occur to you that as a "transgendered woman WHATEVER" you could easily do "a women" much better than THEY ever could ?

I don't think woman are horrible. Where did you get that idea?

And I don't know what you mean by me being able to "do a woman" better than "they".

[Chloe]

I don't think woman are horrible. Where did you get that idea?

Because many ARE bitter, hateful, delusional and vindictive. They're generally classified, referred to as "feminists".

And I don't know what you mean by me being able to "do a woman" better than "they".

All i meant by that is lighten up on yourself /already corrected poor wording/ Be Proud of whoever you are as God does NOT arbitrarily make "mistakes" just for the fun of it and, having a specific good purpose for all of us so-called "trans-people" it's only a matter of each of us discovering where we "best fit in". I hate to see anyone so down on themselves - YOU DO MATTER, probably more than most !

Sorry so PREACHY sounding ! I'm pissed today 'cause another alleged "trans-friend" RATTED me out and got me BANNED from another site based solely on my "age"! Some people are *very touchy* set themselves up as *final authority* but can't take criticism at all, which is part & parcel of the "territory". I didn't "respond", resolved to just let it go !

[Sweet Blue Girl]

I now consider myself male. I still have these feelings, and I still WANT to be female, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing different about my brain or anything like that and my need to be female is purely psychological. It really hurt to admit that, but I felt I had to. I must be true to myself. I am autistic, and that probably has to do with my confusion.

I am bi, but I don't think sexuality is for me anyway. I don't do well with relationships, and I don't understand them. It doesn't really make a difference, as I don't expect to be with anybody anyway.

I must say that it's really, really tough to start thinking of myself as male again. I liked to think of myself as female, but... yeah, that way of thinking can only lead to bad places for me. I hope I can keep from thinking that way too much. Even today though, I have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she".

I had authism too, trixie, for me it s just a way to call a psichological block that arises and developes in people that suffer inside for misunderstood reason ( such as being , feeling different ) so I had to be more easy on myself, and understand that sometimes also the worst things can be worked out, these illnesses are in evolution now.
I feel the same about being woman, i mean my body is horrible, my heart aches everytime i think about a woman, and i wish i could ask to simply be a man! Just i dont think it s a feeling i can eradicate anymore, because more i go to accept it, more i understand this feeling takes my whole person. I wish you good luck with your tries.

[RhinoP]

Personally, in this modern world, there's usually no reason anyone should hold themselves back from their desired gender just because of a lack of confidence (usually stemming from the feeling that one is too masculine to pass realistically as female.) In this day and age, even conservative facial surgery goes a very long way in bringing the features to a more harmonious, soft point, and it isn't expensive by many folks' means.

However, if someone feels that by all means they'd be better off staying in male mode, that transitioning would never be a realistic option for their life or appearance, the second piece of advice I have is simply to find something else, something huge, that you enjoy. More people than Transfolk have had to "deal with it" in life, getting over the emotions of severe handicaps, disabilities, and diseases, yet if you search out for another purpose your life may have, it may give you emotional positives in areas you never expected to get them from.

While I know how it feels, I don't believe that it's "impossible" in most cases for people to "do something else besides worrying about being a different sex" for awhile, I believe even the most tormented people can find an activity or purpose they enjoy, if they're brave enough to open their minds to it. If being the opposite gender is the only single thing in life that brings one joy, I believe their life will be pretty dull once they accomplish that. You have to care about other things in life too.

Like for me, there's plenty I'm willing to do in male mode right now. I'd love to work at a liquor store, I'm very passionate about alcohol as a artistic product (so much work goes into making it and it's really interesting to taste different products and learn about them). I'm very open to portraying certain roles in film productions as long as the role allows me to wear any sort of mask. If I happen to magically get aholt of tons of money that I was not allowed to spend on transitioning, I'd love to open a homeless shelter for young adults, where I'd also hold group meetings for all sorts of people in need. While I admittingly have a small, strict list, there are other things that interest me very much and really would take my general mind off it awhile.

[Trixie]

Let me try to explain...

I want to be a woman. Very badly. But I think that I am not ACTUALLY transgender. Meaning, I am not mentally female. I think I am simply autistic, and I am merely confused, and don't understand genders roles and society, and why I should conform to mine. (IE: My reasons for wanting to be a woman are purely psychological, not physiological)

I want to know how to stop WANTING to be a woman, and accept being a man.

[Stephe]

Let me try to explain...

I want to be a woman. Very badly. But I think that I am not ACTUALLY transgender. Meaning, I am not mentally female. I think I am simply autistic, and I am merely confused, and don't understand genders roles and society, and why I should conform to mine. (IE: My reasons for wanting to be a woman are purely psychological, not physiological)

I want to know how to stop WANTING to be a woman, and accept being a man.

I think you're grasping at straws and semantics. I can't say for certain I am mentally female either. Or that I have a female brain. Some people would argue I don't given I love math and science, like cars and motorcycles etc etc. I am much more of a left brain person and don't let my emotions rule my decisions, never have. I never wanted to play with dolls nor did I ever want a pony etc. I fit into a "guys world" on those fronts OK but I have also always wanted to be a woman very badly. Even now as a woman I can chat with guys about car stuff etc and it's not awkward at all for me but I need to be a woman/seen as female gendered too. I tried to fight this for 40 years of my life and failed. Maybe you can figure out how to do this "stop wanting to be a woman", I wasn't able to and wasn't happy with myself until I became one.

[justmeinoz]

As Beverley has posted, just be you.  Every one of the 7 Billion people on this planet is unique, so forget the labels and just be "you".  Whether you see yourself as a man, a woman, somewhere in between, or something else entirely is ultimately your own free choice.

We are all responsible for our own actions, but some people find that scary and resort to self-evasion to escape it.  Really, those of us here have all considered our situation and asked the decisive existential question, "what is neccessary here? "

We may not have a complete answer, but we are not afraid of it, and are working towards implimenting it.   
It sounds like you are on the brink of telling yourself the answer.  Approach it with honesty and integrity, and you will come out okay.

Karen.

[Shantel]

I am much more of a left brain person and don't let my emotions rule my decisions, never have. I never wanted to play with dolls nor did I ever want a pony etc. I fit into a "guys world" on those fronts OK but I have also always wanted to be a woman very badly. Even now as a woman I can chat with guys about car stuff etc and it's not awkward at all for me but I need to be a woman/seen as female gendered too.

Ditto that, I'm on the same page as Stephe!

[gail123]

I would recommend buying some feminine clothing , some make-up, most definitely a wig , get all dolled up strut around a little, and see what shakes out.

Given the choice between suffering from male guilt  for ~, what, 5000 years of civilization, or dressing up as a woman to find out if your desire is at least partially satisfied  is far preferable to living life as an abstraction.



I think if you transition it may dawn on you that women have their fair share of guilt to kvetch over not unlike men.

[Trixie]

I... think I am coming to terms with myself. I just... can't repress it, you know? I still don't know if I will ever transition or anything. I have time to decide. I have to go to a therapist, and find out if that's right for me. All I know is that, merely to think of myself as female makes me incredibly happy. I know the one I love is incredibly supportive, and she doesn't care either way. I just... it feels good.

I'll be styling myself more effeminately in the near future, for a start.