Hello fellow unicorns,
I have been reading a lot in the forums these days.
But first of all, I would like to quote a post from ativan and say how much these lines touched me. So much.
| "You're travelling through another dimension, a dimension not only of
| sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose
| boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead -
| your next stop, the Unicorn Forest!"
|
| It exists along the highway that connects the two cities of binary
| gender. You've already stopped in for a look see. It's full of
| wonderful people looking for who they are, to some old souls that seem
| to have almost magical powers of reasoning, that of the forest itself.
| On occasions, strictly binary thinking people will visit to declare
| that unicorns do not exist. HAH! You'll find out that indeed, they are
| here in this wonderful forest of many paths, clearings, lake shores,
| and at the very least, a nod of recognition from all who you meet.
| Welcome.
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to clarify the title: "towards females _only_" in the sense of hetero, no bi, -- not in the sense "these questions are limited to ... only"
Anyway, let's get started. Questions are related to some degree. (As to myself, there (gladly) is congruence between an androgyne mind and behavior, androgynous appearance.)
Question one, a simple one: How do you deal with being thought of as a gay male by some? Or as beeing talked of as a heteresexual that comes across as gay? How do you deal with comments (from women) that they know some gays that would be so much into you. (And with gays that actually are into you.) And if you are *not* being thought of as gay despite your androgyny, why do you think is that?
Question two, it is obvious that dating becomes largely difficult. (In fact, there is nowhere to feel home, the lgbt community seems to be of less help actually than hetero mainstream and its surroundings, since you seem more likely to find a girl that leans in orientation towards androgynous males there, than within lgbt. in fact, within lgbt, you can count out l, g, t and male b. what remains are perhaps 20%, which are female b. whereas, in mainstream, you'll have 50% females with compatible orientation. (To my knowledge, bi women are not more likely to lean towards andro males, than hetereo women, or am I mistaken?) So so much for the subcultures. -> Question, what are your dating strategies? How to single out those women whos orientation actually lean towards the androgyne?
A note to female-born androgynes: Sorry for being so much on the male perspective here -- this is about orientation, so I have little to say from you perspectives...
insert: ok, in retrospect i am inserting that the following has gone overboard and is no longer a question but lots of ideas and points.
Question three, I found it interesting that the whole problematic of evolutionary psychology (with regards to _orientation_) is rarely if ever discussed here. I mean, we all know the more or less accurate reasoning about the alphas and betas and what hetero females typically look for in a mate. This is not to say that being (male-born) androgyne necessarily robs you of a dominant, or confident stance. Think of various androgynous pop stars. Still there is much room, and obviously there are those androgynes that don't exactly exhibt these traits. E.g. by being _overly_ feminine, or by being somewhat child-like, or whatever. -- So what I am saying, even if we are being confident and at easy with our identity, sexuality, and appearance, we are likely to fall into the "not dating material" category. I'd also like to point to the character sheldon from the big bang theories. I actually find it extraordinarily refreshing that he is being portraied as straight despite him being gay in real life. This one of the types of persons I have in mind, writing these lines. Back to topic, I would furthermore like to point to the ladder theory's (take it with a grain of salt, but theres much truth to it imo) definition of intellectual whores (a man that is kept by a woman for intellectual and emotional purposes but is not regarded as a potential mate, whilst the man does develop feelings), the plight therein, and who male "straight" androgynes may well fit into this, even thought of course the IW concept is as such not geared towards androgynes, of course, but towards heterosexual supplicant losers that are not deemed sexually attractive. Still I see overlap. The problem I see is that while there is motivation for these - as the pickup lingo calls them: - average frustrated chumps, to step out of their former behavior, cater to female emotional needs of a strong man (think advice to do get more muscels etc., practice a lower voice etc), this proves a punch for male-born heterosexual androgynes who precicely decided to actively go into the direct opposite! Personally, I have realized that for myself, all this leads to a bifurcation, namely in fact that I like to be androgyne in every day interaction, be feminine up to imagining I were a women when it comes to kissing and the sensitive parts of love (this is where I totally need to cut out any maleness), and then when it comes to the explicitly sexual, there suddenly is a 180° shift in the sense that all the male sexual dominance mindset and feelings are absolutely intact, even though to be performed explicitely with an androgyne body, i.e. there is _no_ shift that would then suddenly make me wish I had masculine feature that I otherwise despise, like body hair, muscels, a deep voice, etc.
Another question for male-born hetero androgynes, what's your feeling towards other mbha's? I notice how I have VERY varying views on them. Some I find distasteful, some I find likeable up to beautiful (but that'very s rare, and never meant sexually). Sounds banal, but what I am trying to say is, I find myself disliking certain over-the-board feminine mannerism in men a lot, up to a point where I admit that I really should take a look at my own female mannerism (e.g. i like to blink with my eyes in a female way, or make movements with hands and arms while talking in a female way) and find that there is a line where there is a break, i e when overdoing, my feelings towards it turn from love-it to find-it-ridiculous/unaesthetic. I am trying to find the "cool" dose of all this, but I realize that it really won't help much, since all behaviour is ultimately geared to make an impression on others, and chances that those happen to find the extent that to which one choses to exhibit female behavior caters to their preference is unlikely anyway, so why bother that much...
So basically I realized that I should avoid noticeable affected mannerism (think: those typically exhibited by feminine gays/even stronger drag queens) since these really seem to be overcompensating, in fact watching many females that I find feminine, I find these are NOT doing that stuff and still manage to be very feminine.
...and i also concerned myself a lot with emo subculture, and in how far those who are _male_ and adopt to this, can successfully blend in to heterosexual mating. i could find anything on emos in this forum, which i found strange. there a quite a lot of aspects about emo culture that i can associate with, even though of course i am aware of the questionable, up to idiotic, aspects of it. and to note, that it is a youth culture and, like any subculture, much about conformity through individuality / individualty through confomity / groupthink etc, which turns me off anyway. but i do like some styles and many of their prescribed attitudes.
OK, enough for today. Looking forward to your comments.
..
ps if you find some phrases incongruent, it may be because i am not a native speaker, obviously. pls ask for clarification then. might be using some words incorrectly.
