I've been considering starting t and therapy for almost 4 years now,butwas never sure I really wanted to go through with it. I kept saying that some day I would finally feel like it was time. I cant put it off anymore. I woke up in pain this morning and discovered that shark week was here, had a major breakdown while dealing with it and nearly cried, and ended up calling out of work and hiding in bed all day. I did far too much thinking and decided this needs to stop. I'm not able to really be my self andcomfortable while people are using my female name and pronouns.
And really, when I get upset over a friend saying " what's up girl?" I can really only be mad at my self, because I never explained how I identify or asked them to call me anything different. 4 years of pent up anger and frustration is too much to keep internalizing.
It's not like ive been completely in the closet though. A lot of people are aware of high feel and know that t and a name clhange is something ive been considering. Now I just have to tell everyone that this is actually hapenning and ask people to use male pronouns and call me kyle. I finally left my house and went for a drive with my biest friend who is super supportive (and dated an ftm a few years ago) an excited for me. I think hes gotten sick of my indecicive ranting. I also came out to another friend who was hanging out with us, and his reply was "yay I need more guy friends".
