Feeling a bit lost and a little betrayed

[madwoman_in_the_attic]

> I'm glad I have this safe place to come to.

I am too! And same as you, my partner sent me, hoping that by hanging out with other partners I would cheer up.

Jessi, thank you so much for the long friendly update. I really like your plan: NO access to the ceremony (or your family) for his Mom! I can't believe she outed him TO YOU. Totally narcissistically creepy.

A small wedding sounds lovely. (Mine was on the beach. Yes, I'll complain later, but for now I'm just thrilled that things are getting clearer for you two.)

Karen, I want you to have a white wedding with double gowns! I think utes are very romantic actually ... (but heck, I think the woodchopping contests at the Sydney Easter Show are romantic so you have to take that with a grain of salt) ...

Hugs to all,

Maddie

[Jessikee]

A small wedding is in order with just our really close family members and friends then we're spending all of our tax money on a honeymoon to Hawaii. We've earned it for sure.


Things were going really well until DJ talked to his Mom the day before yesterday (Sunday) and she gave him a hard time because of us living apart. :/ I know that our relationship isn't perfect, but it works for us, you know? We love each other and see each other as often as possible and we're getting married in a little over 5 months.
She asked him if he saw this 'thing' between us lasting (Mind you we've struggled through a long distance relationship for the past three friggen years) and that she thinks that he should find a 'life partner' that lives closer to him, as if she thinks we're going to get married and then live apart. We only don't live together now because I don't want my grandparents to disown be for living together before we're married.

What bothers me the most is that she talked about me as his 'life partner' and not his future wife. He told her we were going to get married and that he was able to marry me and she responded with, "Well, okay whatever YOU want to call it." as if she thinks he's not worthy of being someones husband. As if he's not the most perfect husband in the whole entire universe.

This is what I mean when I say that his Mom is doing really well, and then something like THIS happens. It solidified my decision to elope and not invite her. I just, I can't handle the hurt. DJ is a heterosexual MALE and we're in a straight relationship. We're going to be husband and wife in a little over 5 months, and everything is going to be beautiful and I'm going to fight the urge to rub it all in her face.

Please, send me all the strength you can spare, as I need it. I'm having a hard time, yet again today, dealing with his mother's negative attitude.

In other news, we hired a wonderful FtM guy where I work. He's really great and I'm the only one using the proper pronouns, but part of it is that he's a re-hire and a lot of the people that work there worked with him before he started his transition, but I do make a point to correct them when they slip up. We get along really well and I feel like he's really comfortable around me BECAUSE I make sure I'm using the right pronouns and I'm not questioning him in anyway. I'm really looking forward to getting to know him better.

[justmeinoz]

Bugs hugs sis.  It sounds like you have made the right move by ignoring the monster-in-law.   
And congrats on your new staff member.  He will be grateful for you getting the pronouns right, it's not like it's all that hard really, pity your co-workers don't 'get it'. 
Have a wonderful wedding and a great honeymoon in Hawaii.  Don't forget to post some photo's.

Karen.

[Eva Marie]

Jessi-

This situation sounds VERY familiar - my own mother was a narcissistic mom, and i never realized it before we married. She caused a LOT of grief for me and my wife. A LOT of grief..... for many years. She was controlling and manipulative and just plain mean. I never saw that side of her before the marriage, and it took me by surprise. Nothing i did changed her behavior - because i cannot change what other people think and do. It took me many years and a lot of wasted effort to figure that out.

The best advise that i can give you is to let your sweetie deal with his family and you deal with yours. There will be a LOT of trouble brewing for you if you tangle with your mother in law - there be dragons there. Be charming, but realize that you cannot change other people, and if they won't accept your situation - so be it, and move on. Its their problem, not yours. Focus on your relationship and your happiness, and take along the true friends that want to be a part of that.

It sounds like you and your sweetie have a really good relationship, and i wish the best for you going forward.

[Nikki59s~Girl]

Best of luck to both of you!!! My spouse didn't tell me she was MTF until after we knew eachother for a few months... She was afraid to be in a relationship because she just wanted to do her thing and transition, but we fell inlove and a few months after she told me she was transgendered we started dating! Now almost a year went by and we are married!!

[Rubberneck]

I'm confused Jesse. You are a woman. Your man is a man. So why does he have to come out? And what's he coming out with?

[Jessikee]

Karen! Thank you for the hugs, I def. needed them!

We did have a break through last week though! He went to visit his Mom and they went to dinner, which is generally an extremely stressful time for DJ but she used proper pronouns AND used HIS name the whole time. He called and told me about it later that night, there was a whole ton of excitement in his voice and I was incredibly happy for him. Restaurants are where she's the worst with him, usually. I just hope this means she's finally moving in the right direction.

Rubberneck, he's not coming out with anything. But, a lot of his family members still have 'issues.'

Congratulations, Nikki59s~Girl! Marriage is a beautiful thing and I CAN'T WAIT until we're finally Mr. and Mrs.

Riven, thank you for the advice! I do my best to keep my distance and just be nice to her when I need to. I never see her so it's not all that hard to do. I just have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to the people I really love and care about. So far I've done very well. I just come on here when I need to vent about it to make it a bit easier.

And to touch on my new co-worker, we've hit it off WONDERFULLY. He's pretty awesome. We've hung out quite a few times. He's the male best friend I missed having once I moved down here. He reminds me so much of the friends I had up north and it's so comforting to be around him. I just wish that my co-workers were as nice and understanding about him. There are people that absolutely REFUSE to call him 'he' because he "doesn't have a penis yet." I yelled at a co-worker for it today and someone else had the audacity to tell me "It's hard for me to call [name] a he because [name] is a girl, not a guy. Changing your name is one thing, but having a surgery is a completely different situation." and I'm just like... WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS (In my head of course, I didn't cuss at work) I just do my best to make sure I'm using the right pronouns, 'cause when I call him 'sir' and 'mister', 'he', 'him' and other things like that, his face lights up like Christmas and I'm so glad I'm able to make a difference for him. Me and another co-worker of mine are quite fond of him and we all hang out a ton, so it's going well. I just, like I said, wish I could get everyone else on the same page. I'll just continue to do my part and hope that everyone else follows my lead.