Susan's Place Logo

News:

According to Google Analytics 25,259,719 users made visits accounting for 140,758,117 Pageviews since December 2006

Main Menu

Androgyne and HRT

Started by Melanie Anne, March 01, 2012, 12:28:34 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

ativan

Take the time to do what is right for you.
If that means your buddy, your wife, your children, then take the time to think this all out.
Part of dysphoria can be the constant changing of how you feel about your personalities.
Doesn't mean that it is, but still, another thing to consider.
Shan is absolutely right about what could be going on between you and your wife.
That's part of thinking this through.
You don't have time to make mistakes, nobody wants that.
Your wife is trying to tell you that in the only way she knows how?
You have plenty of time to do what is going to be right for you.
I know you have been thinking about this for quite some time, but take more time if you need to.
We all make mistakes, we try to learn from each other.
Just like you're bringing a fresh perspective to this forum.
With HRT, there isn't a way to reliably tell before what changes you will get.
And you might have to look farther for a good Dr, one who knows what is current.
Just like getting a good surgeon. It pays to get the best you can get, what you can afford.
I would wait until the finances are in place to get what you want.
Like I said, it is your decision, and you decide what is right for you.
There are a lot of things to consider. It takes time to sort through it all.
Take the time to do it right.
We do understand how crazy it can all feel, we all get that way at one time or another, and usually more than once.
You deserve to be who you are, now just make sure that will also make you, your best.
Ativan
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 06, 2013, 06:58:50 PM
Hellow Shan, this is sooo truee, she always talks about the "man", one day i told her, are you with me just because my buddy? and then i laugh, i was trying to make her understand that i am not a monster, that i am the same person, no matter if i change my looks, i will still love you, but well, she is going through this too, and money is the answer, but sometimes my female side just want her to hug me and tell me everything its going to be ok, you know what i mean? when i am around guys i feel girlie, when i am around my wife i am like, how do i suppose to act? i can´t feel femenine because it is like comparing her natural femininity with my femininity, and i feel less girlie, and sometimes i don´t feel like a real man, i just feel like a scared of life man or something like that, the therapist told me to act more often as if i am wearing my female clothes, i mean my feminine side comes more alive when i wear my eyelashes and lipstick, i usually don´t use make up, just eyelashes, so i have to do my homework, that brings another question, did you feel the same when you were wearing something femenine? i feel like more outgoing, more secure about myself, sexy, beautifoul, and being a guy i am insecure, not outgoing, quiet, and i need to mix those feelings to become who i am, basically i was like dividing myself into 2 different personalities, the man and the woman, and i felt great when i discover that i just need to mix this 2 energys to become who i am, but i don´t know sometimes my girlie side it is just to loud that i need love, and sometimes i feel like i am the man and i don´t want nobody to f..k with me, hahaha, it is weir but funny at the same time, i haven´t learn to be neutral, and i think that is what i need to be calm down...

Discuss all of this with your therapist we're all different although we have similar issues, but I am not qualified to give you an honest assessment of your situation. I am wishing you well my friend, you are a worthy human being and God loves you! Keep in touch and let us know how it goes for you....xox ~ Shan ~
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Thank you so much Shan and Ativan, both of you are great, maybe i sound like i am going to do something just tomorrow, but i don´t, sorry if i am writing and writing, it is difficult for me to talk about my issues with persons who don´t know what i feel, therapies are one day a week, to be honest i´ll go for therapy everyday hahahha, but they follow certain rules, so i have to go one day for week.

So yes, i am trying to do things slow, thinking over and over again, searching for alternatives, and trying to take intelligent decisions, so i hope everything gets better in the future.

For now i think i am done with hrt thoughts, i am considering some phytoestrogens just for the balance we need, but i will talk first with a Doctor, analysis, etc.. have a geat weekend guys, xoxoxo, ciaoo

  •  

Jamie D

I have been following the Ema, Shan, and Ativan conversation with great delight.

Ema, let me say, Bienvenido a nuestra casa, aqui en Susan's.

For our new members:

Please be sure to review


  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow Jamie, thanks, i´ve finish reading all the links, great info, i hope i did not violate certain rules hahaha, well so i gues maybe next week i could be ready to upload my photo, so you guys can help me out about my ffs in the future, like i said last message, maybe i sound like i am quite in a hurry with surgerys, but i´m not, maybe next year i would get my surgerys, but not for the moment, i still have to think about a lot of stuff, right now i am focussing on mixing my 2 energys, i mean male and female, and i hope this helps to calm my GID at least mentally, well that´s it for now, see you guys..
  •  

ativan

Hi ema,

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,98870.0.html

This is the link you might wish to use for opinions, ideas, and suggestions for presentation.
It's a nice way to try out different looks using things like hairstyles, makeup, and clothes.
Translations can be difficult, so I hope I'm pointing you in a good direction.
As far as I know, no, you haven't violated any of the TOS.
This is a fun link/topic. We have fun and enjoy the comments and input.
I think that as long as you are going to be taking your time with this, it's a good place to start.
We have some very amazingly androgynous presenting people.
There are many ways to achieve an androgynous presentation, FFS being only one of them.
Looking forward to seeing your pics, and I hope this helps you as much as it has for so many of the people here.

Because there are so many ways to be non-binary,
exploring what works for your feminine and masculine attributes is always good.
Have fun with it, it's a good way to lessen the difficult aspects of GID, and strengthen what is good for you.
Ativan
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

thank you ativan, i´ve uploaded some pics in that link, tell me what you think i should with my face, i mean ffs, i don´t need much, maybe i don´even need it, but i want to look a little more femenine, thanks for everything, ciaooo
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow guys, well on tuesday i went to my therapy session, well this week i had to deal more with my personal issues than my GID, economical problems and that sort of things, so basically we talk more about problems with my wife, also i told her about HRT, but we didn´t talk about it much, right now i am just thinking about hrt for quiting the noise of GID, so i have a question for you all.

There are a lot of vitamins and complements that stores like GNC sell without preescriptions, well some of them containg pythoestrogens, i was checking my mom´s pill, she is taking estrovan for menopause, so i was wondering, what if someone take this pills not everyday like the instructions says, i mean take one pill maybe 3 days a week, would that help? like i told you i don´t want to lose my erections, i just remember in the past i used to take some suplements "natural" that contained phytoestrogens, and i remember being happier, maybe it was the placebo effect maybe not, those pills suposeddly help increasing butt and breast, i bought them for butt augmentation, not for breast, well in my mind i think this products are less dangeruous than real estrogens, is that true? if i purchase a slimming pill for girls that contains vitamins and phytostrogens could that help with quieting the GID noise? i know i won´t have body changes, and if i can still have my erections, well basically that would be the way of being myself, i don´t want to take a lot of estrogen
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 12, 2013, 04:45:09 PM
Hellow guys, well on tuesday i went to my therapy session, well this week i had to deal more with my personal issues than my GID, economical problems and that sort of things, so basically we talk more about problems with my wife, also i told her about HRT, but we didn´t talk about it much, right now i am just thinking about hrt for quiting the noise of GID, so i have a question for you all.

There are a lot of vitamins and complements that stores like GNC sell without preescriptions, well some of them containg pythoestrogens, i was checking my mom´s pill, she is taking estrovan for menopause, so i was wondering, what if someone take this pills not everyday like the instructions says, i mean take one pill maybe 3 days a week, would that help? like i told you i don´t want to lose my erections, i just remember in the past i used to take some suplements "natural" that contained phytoestrogens, and i remember being happier, maybe it was the placebo effect maybe not, those pills suposeddly help increasing butt and breast, i bought them for butt augmentation, not for breast, well in my mind i think this products are less dangeruous than real estrogens, is that true? if i purchase a slimming pill for girls that contains vitamins and phytostrogens could that help with quieting the GID noise? i know i won´t have body changes, and if i can still have my erections, well basically that would be the way of being myself, i don´t want to take a lot of estrogen

Some people use them with some effect although my endocrinologist said that a person would have to take a large amount to achieve any substantial effect and anything in large amounts can be dangerous and even toxic to the human system. Best to get your doctor to prescribe a low-level estrogen, you can even get a pill cutter and cut pills in half.
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow Shan,  thanks for your reply, i guess i will have to talk to a doctor right? i was trying to get answers before talking to a doctor, i was searching about hormone levels, it seems like some of us as androgyne persons, have different levels of e and t, so i was thinking something like this, in order to be balanced with hormones, wich levels of hormones do we need? i mean 50% and 50%? Or how do that works? I don´t know if Ativan mentionated some info about her endochrynologist, that her doc was more aware about people like us, were can i search that info? i want to read it, also, people in japan consume a lot of natural estrogen, that´s why they look so androgynous, so how can they be ok consuming natural estrogen without having healthy problems? maybe i just need like 5% more of E and that´s it, do you know what i mean? also maybe my GID noise is only in my mind, because i don´t really get that feeling, could someone describe what the GID noise is? i mean what do you think when you have it, how do you feel, etc.. Because for me the GID nose is being searching and searchin info about my gender identity, that was before i accept myself as an adrogyne, now i am searchin and searching about what would i do to change my appearance, my face and body, that´s it, is that the GID noise? This days i wasn´t so frustrated about having GID, i was more frustrated about economical issues, and problems with my wife, now i am more acceptable within myself, and i know that someday i will be who i am mental and physycally, i just have to wait to have the money to get my FFS, i know that, when i think about that, i mean surgerys, and i visualize myself, i feel comfortable, like happy, calmer, so i don´t know if that is part of the GID noise, could someone help me figuring out what the GID noise is?
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 12, 2013, 06:58:52 PM
Hellow Shan,  thanks for your reply, i guess i will have to talk to a doctor right? i was trying to get answers before talking to a doctor, i was searching about hormone levels, it seems like some of us as androgyne persons, have different levels of e and t, so i was thinking something like this, in order to be balanced with hormones, wich levels of hormones do we need? i mean 50% and 50%? Or how do that works? I don´t know if Ativan mentionated some info about her endochrynologist, that her doc was more aware about people like us, were can i search that info? i want to read it, also, people in japan consume a lot of natural estrogen, that´s why they look so androgynous, so how can they be ok consuming natural estrogen without having healthy problems? maybe i just need like 5% more of E and that´s it, do you know what i mean? also maybe my GID noise is only in my mind, because i don´t really get that feeling, could someone describe what the GID noise is? i mean what do you think when you have it, how do you feel, etc.. Because for me the GID nose is being searching and searchin info about my gender identity, that was before i accept myself as an adrogyne, now i am searchin and searching about what would i do to change my appearance, my face and body, that´s it, is that the GID noise? This days i wasn´t so frustrated about having GID, i was more frustrated about economical issues, and problems with my wife, now i am more acceptable within myself, and i know that someday i will be who i am mental and physycally, i just have to wait to have the money to get my FFS, i know that, when i think about that, i mean surgerys, and i visualize myself, i feel comfortable, like happy, calmer, so i don´t know if that is part of the GID noise, could someone help me figuring out what the GID noise is?

Yes Emi. all of that which you are thinking and talking about here is what we call GID noise, it's the stuff in our brain that consumes us to the point that we are driven to do what we do, make physical changes in our personna. I can't give you answers about HRT only your doctor and counselor can do that effectively. You are very pretty for a male person, I suspect that you would make a beautiful woman, but in your culture it may not be what you would want to do. We are here as your extended family and want the very best for you. Hopefully you will find some meaningful employment because this should be your first goal along with your consideration for your espousa and your children.
  •  

ativan

Shan pretty much answered your questions as best we can here.
The amount and type of low dose HRT isn't enough to make noticeable changes for you.
To have a high enough HRT to do that, you can count on some loss of libido.
At low dose, maybe not, but over time it probably will be as inevitable.
The term 'noise' probably comes from it being a constant thought, like an actual noise.
For me it had an element of rage and anger in it. Low dose HRT is good for that.
Use google to find information.
You can get some idea of the hormone ranges and where the balances should be for you.
You do have to have bloodwork done to determine what your current levels are.
They ranges between male and female can overlap quite a bit, so there isn't a 'number' that defines it like you asked.
You can use google to find some sites, but be careful of the source when you read something.
There is some old and outdated and just wrong information out there.
Although nice to use as reference, full transition HRT is not the same as low dose. There is a little more to it.
It's not just a matter of taking less. It has to do with balance and what you want to achieve.
That's different for each person. One of the reasons we don't and won't give out dose information, here.
You could easily get the wrong dose information, or worse yet, try to speed things up with larger doses.
This doesn't work. There is only just so much that your body can use. The rest just puts dangerous strains on your systems.
It could kill you. Even low dose needs to be monitored. That's the first and most important thing you need to know.
You try to go it alone, you will be using sources that may or may not have real HRT stuff for you.
They may not even know from day to day what they are selling.
It is when people get into trouble, it's the main reason.
You need a good pharmacy and DR. You need to have a Dr keeping an eye on things for you.
Unless you have the equipment and a degree in several different areas, it's best to have the people who do, keep you safe.

I can't make a direct recommendation for you. Look at the HRT topics around here on the forum.
Use the search bar up near the top of the page. You should be gathering all the good information you can.
You need to make an informed decision for yourself, for what you want to do.
You need to know what you really want, make a flexible plan and use that information to make your decisions.
You're going to find answers to questions you haven't even considered, yet, by looking for and gathering information.
It's an important part of this, to know what you really want, and you won't know until you get some info together.
The more the better. If you have the time right now, that should be a priority. It should anyways.
This is your first step, getting ready, getting information together. It gets easier as you go.
Ativan
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow My dear friends, thanks a lot for everything, you are like my family, well so i think i have this noise, i´ve been thinking about that noise and maybe surgery will quiet it, that´s a good start i think.

About what i want, well basically i want to look more femenine, face, waist, hips and butt, my arms will slim down if i continue exercising, i was looking my body through the mirror, and i like my upper body, but mentally i feel like a little bit fat, i am not fat, and i know it i weight 65 kgs and my height is 1.65 cms, so i´m weighting what i´m suposed to weight, i will like to weight maybe 62 or 60 kgs, just to look a little bit more "fragile", i can reach that goal changing my food habits and exercising, so it´s not a big deal, about HRT, at first i was thinking about it to get the hourglass body, all the benefits from fat redistribution, skin, mental, etc.. but i am really stressed about the secondary effects, my libido, heartattacks, trombosis, etc.. And i really CAN´t balance the pros and the cons, because in my opinion, at least for me, there are more cons than pros, so that´s why i am thinking more about surgery.

So if someday i decide to take some E, i will do it like i told you, 3 days a week or something like that, or maybe consuming isoflavones, just for quieting GID purposes, not feminization purposes, obviously if i can have more butt, hips and legs, that would be awesome, but maybe i don´t even take pills because i am pretty comfortable with the size of my boobs, and i don´t see myself with boobs, i see myself with boobs but more in a fantasy world, not in the real world, do you know what i mean? so getting boobs will be like a con for hrt for me, im afraid of developing breats because my sister have big boobs, my unts, some cousins, so i think my boobs will grow within the first 2 months, and having boobs will be not compatible to act like a "guy" to society, because right now i am thinking on not changing my documents, my name or anything, also i not longer feel the need to "come out" to people, just my parents and people i care, not everyone, so i guess people would look at me and say something like "oh, he has a new look" he look prettier almost like a girl, and that kind of stuff, but for ME, i will be me, i won´t hide anymore, so this is the pros of being androgynes, we can be whatever we want, i consider myself ( obviously when finilize my transition) an angel, i think im a great person, a great dad and mom, an entrepenneur ( is this correct? ) and i will succeed in life.

I have good and bad news, my father offered me a job, 400 usd per month, i studied MEchatronical engineering, but all my life i was independent, i had my companies, bussineses etc.. When i started living with my "wife" ( i´m not really married) the economical issues began, so no one hires me because "my lack of experience", i hate that, but that is my reality, people think i don´t deserve a good salary, and think i don´t know anything, i feel like people treat me like if i had zero education, including my dad, but well, right now this oportunity is the only i have, so i have a job now "yeeeeei" ( sarcasm ) BUUT, he wants me to cut my haiiir!! that is the bad part, i was sooo depressed when he told me that, i was like, so WTF am i going to do with my GID?? Hair is a big deal when a guy wants to be androgyne, so i hope he can let that go, if not, what are your recommendations for my hair? my hair is curly, so there are not so much options to search about, so i´m open for good advices.

UUUhmm what else? well i really like doing bussineses, purchases/sales, import/export, but right now i don´t have money to start, the good part about this job, is that someday i will be the owner of the company ( legally it´s mine, but my dad uses my accounts and he takes the money) so i hope we can achieve better results, also i like clothing, i used to sell jeans, bags, also i like make ups hahah, i want to study some beauty, i like CNC and Laser machines, and my next project its about those machines, i want to produce different things, re-sell machines, mainteinance,etc.. Also i like psychollogy, but i´m 30 now, so i think i´d rather just take some courses and not the entire career, i really like fashion too, and also i was thinking on androgynous clothing, i mean produce it, jeans and t-shirts, so i really have a lot of projects in my mind, and some days i really can´t focus on any of them, but i know that my GID is helping a lot with my focus problems, and when i get done with therapy i will make my dreams come true, well that was a little bit more of myself, see you soon, kisses, ciaoo
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 13, 2013, 11:51:12 PM
i guess people would look at me and say something like "oh, he has a new look" he look prettier almost like a girl, and that kind of stuff, but for ME, i will be me, i won´t hide anymore, so this is the pros of being androgynes, we can be whatever we want, i consider myself ( obviously when finilize my transition) an angel, i think im a great person, a great dad and mom, an entrepenneur ( is this correct? ) and i will succeed in life.

I agree, androgyne will allow you to be either male or female appearing at will although surgeries have some potential setbacks if there is an infection or a botched job, so you need to be sure of who it is that's doing the work and what is that person's success and failure rate.

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 13, 2013, 11:51:12 PM
I have good and bad news, my father offered me a job, 400 usd per month, i studied MEchatronical engineering, but all my life i was independent, i had my companies, bussineses etc.. When i started living with my "wife" ( i´m not really married) the economical issues began, so no one hires me because "my lack of experience", i hate that, but that is my reality, people think i don´t deserve a good salary, and think i don´t know anything, i feel like people treat me like if i had zero education, including my dad, but well, right now this oportunity is the only i have, so i have a job now "yeeeeei" ( sarcasm ) BUUT, he wants me to cut my haiiir!! that is the bad part, i was sooo depressed when he told me that, i was like, so WTF am i going to do with my GID?? Hair is a big deal when a guy wants to be androgyne, so i hope he can let that go, if not, what are your recommendations for my hair? my hair is curly, so there are not so much options to search about, so i´m open for good advices.

So your father who is running a business doesn't want you to be the topic of conversation or to possibly drive away customers because you don't look really masculine. You need to reach a compromise with him and perhaps agree to wear your hair up under a hat or something like that. Good you have a job though, and so it doesn't pay what you are worth, you have to start somewhere and jobs are a limited resource in the world these days.

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 13, 2013, 11:51:12 PM
UUUhmm what else? well i really like doing bussineses, purchases/sales, import/export, but right now i don´t have money to start, the good part about this job, is that someday i will be the owner of the company ( legally it´s mine, but my dad uses my accounts and he takes the money) so i hope we can achieve better results, also i like clothing, i used to sell jeans, bags, also i like make ups hahah, i want to study some beauty, i like CNC and Laser machines, and my next project its about those machines, i want to produce different things, re-sell machines, mainteinance,etc.. Also i like psychollogy, but i´m 30 now, so i think i´d rather just take some courses and not the entire career, i really like fashion too, and also i was thinking on androgynous clothing, i mean produce it, jeans and t-shirts, so i really have a lot of projects in my mind, and some days i really can´t focus on any of them, but i know that my GID is helping a lot with my focus problems, and when i get done with therapy i will make my dreams come true, well that was a little bit more of myself, see you soon, kisses, ciaoo

Yes you most certainly do have the entrepreneurial spirit, without plans and dreams we amount to nothing!
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow Shan, yes i´m going to be with the best surgeon here in Mexico, he specializes in Feminization surgerys up and bottoms, i have a good friend of mine who went to him, so no big deal for that.

About my that, well basically he´s been that way with me since forever, he don´t like my fashion, he want me to dress like a 40 year old guy, and i refuse, i don´t like to be seen as an older person, i mean im 30, why should i want to look like an older person? I don´t know why he´s been doing that since i was in high school, i don´t think he told me that just because my feminine appearance, maybe yes maybe not, but he told me that because he thinks people see guys like me like a not serious person, so maybe that´s why he told me that, but well i´ll have to do it, i don´t have another choice.

About other jobs, my reality isn´t that way, i´ve been looking for jobs since the first months of 2012, it´s been a year now, and no one gave me an oportunity, and this situation keeps me frustrated, it is part of my depression, it´s not fair for me, but that´s just the way it is, i hate when people with no studys have great jobs, they earn like 1000 usd per month, and they have no studies, i don´t know is this is just bad luck, but well, now i have a job, and i hope my dad helps me, i hope i can earn more with him in the future.
  •  

Shantel

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 14, 2013, 11:26:42 AM

About my that, well basically he´s been that way with me since forever, he don´t like my fashion, he want me to dress like a 40 year old guy, and i refuse, i don´t like to be seen as an older person, i mean im 30, why should i want to look like an older person? I don´t know why he´s been doing that since i was in high school, i don´t think he told me that just because my feminine appearance, maybe yes maybe not, but he told me that because he thinks people see guys like me like a not serious person, so maybe that´s why he told me that, but well i´ll have to do it, i don´t have another choice.

He probably just wants you to be a macho male guy, unfortunately for him you are your own unique person and he isn't going to get his wish. Hopefully for you both he will get over it and realize that he can't make you into the image of himself, it doesn't work that way.

Quote from: Emanuelle aka ema on April 14, 2013, 11:26:42 AM
About other jobs, my reality isn´t that way, i´ve been looking for jobs since the first months of 2012, it´s been a year now, and no one gave me an oportunity, and this situation keeps me frustrated, it is part of my depression, it´s not fair for me, but that´s just the way it is, i hate when people with no studys have great jobs, they earn like 1000 usd per month, and they have no studies, i don´t know is this is just bad luck, but well, now i have a job, and i hope my dad helps me, i hope i can earn more with him in the future.

No I don't believe it was bad luck, we all know that life is unfair. I don't know how many times I have been passed over in favor of an incompetent person, and how many times I have had to compensate for the messes created by incompetent people who got much more pay than I did. I would come up with money saving or money making ideas and the incompetent person would take the credit and get the raise in salary. That's the way of the world we live in, but you can always shine brightly at whatever you do and rather than fussing about how little you make, try and show your employer how valuable you are to the company's success and make it so that he wants to promote you. Make his company profitable!
  •  

ativan

"Be so good they can't ignore you" ~Steve Martin
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Thanks for your words my friends, well i haven´t thought about my dad being with me the way you told me, and that it is the biggest posibility, or the big answer i guess, in the past i was like ok, my dad doesn´t love me, because he is not proud of me, and now i think maybe he wants me to be like anybody else, and i hope in the future he gets the point, i will try my best to make a profitable company, because at the end of the day, that company is mine, im trying to think about that way, not like an employee, more like an owner, i also have to teach him, that this days are soo way different than the past, the things that work in the past no longer work today, and he gotta understand that, i am feeling a little bit better, today i was playing with my hair, and without notice my dad told me, ohh when did you go to get a haircut? and i was inside of me like yeeeeei, if i use this look, i don´t have to cut my hair, and that was my biggest concern, so i am feeling a little better thank God, my mom refuses to understand my androgyness, yesterday was the second talk we had, i have to be patience, the good part is that she keep on telling me that she loves me, and thats the best i can get, she think i am confused, because she says that she lived with me forever and she didn´t notice anything wrong with me, or anything feminine, so basically she thinks this is just suggestions, she also thinks that when i talk to people like me, they make me think what im thinking, that isn´t true, of course, all of us have inspirations, right now my inspirations are guys like andrej peijic, and a lot other pretty guys, in the past my inspiration was watching MTF transition via youtube, but that is just an inspiration, so i have to be patient, at least she didn´t reject me.

About my girlfriend or wife, today she arrived, she was on a trip since last wednesday, i didn´t feel anything, maybe because i´m still not able to forget our problems, i hope everything is ok now that i have a job, and i hope she understands more about me, if not we all know what will happen, so right now i am focussing on getting money to my surgerys, i am searching and searching about surgeries, and also i want to ask something, is someone in this forum been throug surgery? FFS, liposuction, butt augmentation, etc..?? How did that go? i want butt augmentation with my own fat, about implants i just need it on my hips, i don´t think there´s a lot of problem with nose jobs, and lip jobs, so i´m scared a little bit about the hip augmentation, but i´m not scared about the other parts i want to change, i´ve been talking with Dr. Lazaro Cardenas, he is so famous around the transgender comunity, and a friend of mine went to him for FFS, and everything was great, so i hope everything gets better and better, if i think about this week advances, i am advancing pretty ok, i have a job now, i know what i want now, and i´m starting to produce some money to make my dreams come true, i think when i´m done with this, i will be a more succesfull person, a better person, happier, calmer, social, caring, that is my goal, to be happy with myself, and if im happy i can be succesfull, and if im succesfull, well life will be easier, so that´s if for now, have a great day my friends!! kisses, ciaoo
  •  

Shantel

Looks like you're rolling now Emi, you have things sorted out in your mind and now the world looks like a brighter place. Kudos Emi!  :eusa_clap:
  •  

Emanuelle aka ema

Hellow Shan, yes i gues im rolling now, well i got into a huge fight with my girlfriend last wednesday, she got frustrated because i told her why did she took some money from my pants, and she overreacted, she told me that she was going to leave the house, etc.. Then she told me something very important, " why didn´t you tell me about you? Why did you had a baby with me? you lie to me!! I don´t accept you, you are a woman, not a man!" and bla bla bla, i haven´t been that angry since a long long time, i guess she is the only person who had make me feel so so bad, then she left, and i arrive to my job ( my parent´s house) and there was my mom, so i just began to cry, that was the better part of this, because my mom is being so so so great with me, so we talk about my girlfriend, and my mom was like, why is she being so not understanding? she was the one who wanted to live with you, and that situation opened my eyes.

Now my girlfriend is acting like if she cares for me, i know she is lying, but i´ll try to act normal, but now i know that there is no future for us, maybe like friends, but like a couple there is no chance, well a day before that i went to my therapist, she told me the same thing you told me Shan, that i´m doing great, i´m rolling, she told me to keep going, and that make me feel great.
  •