Hurt but still in love...

[Dragonfly]

You may also want to try and separate this into two different conversations.  The one about her dating site isn't really related to the transition starting with or without you.  And the dating site to me is SO MUCH more a betrayal of trust.  Jeneva and I were reading this together and she read slightly faster so I asked why she took such a shocked intake of breath and she told me to just keep reading and I'd understand.

Both of those are big issues and if you discuss them at the same time they may compound each other (oooh, lets use a business buzzword and say they are synergistic - Jeneva, the sidebar queen, insisted I add this).

We will both be sending energy for love, trust, understanding, and even tranquility so that the tempers stay cool enough to decide where to go.

We are so sorry for this situation.

Blessed Be!

[CisInLove]

Thank you all so very much. Without your wishes and support I wouldn´t have any hope. I am so glad that I found this forum!!!

She still hasn´t arrived....got lost again... is touring Germany at the moment. We´ve driven this route so often, she should know that my sat-nav needs to be set in stages to really directly get from A to B. She would get lost in a phone booth LOL

Outcome will follow in a few days..... Hugs xxx

[Jeneva]

Thank you all so very much. Without your wishes and support I wouldn´t have any hope. I am so glad that I found this forum!!!

She still hasn´t arrived....got lost again... is touring Germany at the moment. We´ve driven this route so often, she should know that my sat-nav needs to be set in stages to really directly get from A to B. She would get lost in a phone booth LOL

Outcome will follow in a few days..... Hugs xxx

Oh isn't getting lost so much fun.  On our first 10 dates or so I think we only DIDN'T get lost twice.  We've both lived here all our lives, but both were kept from driving until around 18.  And then once college starts you just don't have time to go touring the backroads.

Oh, but GPS can be fun.  I remember when we bought our second prius just after the second gen hit.  We decided to let it drive us home upon which it promptly told us.  "On the way to your destination there are roads with incomplete guidance, turn by turn directions cannot be provided in those areas" in that nice polite computer voice.

Anyway that is my attempt at humor to help lighten the day until she gets home.  There are some perks to working at home I guess.  Shannon is out of pocket until 4ish and today is shopping day, but please post if you need anything.  You are never alone unless you want to be and we are all willing to listen even if it is just to vent a bit so you can regain your equilibrium.

Best of luck and remember our thoughts and energy are yours to request.

[help4me]

i feel you completely. i am so glad i found this place. my husband toggles back and forth. i do not know if that word is acceptable and if not i am sorry. right now she has decided to keep the feeling and desire to be the real person she is. this is happening for the lst 9 years. the only things that i am mad about is #1 wont communicate #2 selfish #3 starts drinking hard liqour and such.
i dont know what to do. i fear she will leave her job(as in every prior time)i told her tho if she quits i have no choice but have to leave with the kids. unless i find a job while going to school, she can not quit. we are too old to be asking our parents for money. i feel so embarassed over money asking.
i feel that even venting here and then going back to her with good information and things that may help she never wants to talk that minute. but when she speaks there is no stopping her.
am i doing something wrong by continually supporting her? i mean i have gotten used to her stealing my clothes when she comes back. but not all my clothes. i have learned to hide everything when she decides that she can not do this. b/c i got tired of buying clothes for her when our kids need it more....
so when she went to be her true self the other day i saw the clothes i had hidden. my closet is basically storage for stuff i dont want outside. but its my stuff..i dont go into hers ever. well no yesterday i HAD to steal a pair of jeans back. and what has me a smidge livid today is she stayed up all night knowing she would not be awake today. i got news from my doc that i have to go early monday from my anemia becoming severe, to sit and not do much this weekend.
i figured at least she would help clean or watch our 2 year old. nope. fine. i am dealing with it. ut when i went to do the laundry of my kids and mine, i noticed my tattoo machine box had been messed with.thats one thing that i have that is truly mine! i dont feel like tatting this weekend, i am sorry. but it is mine,i dont mess with her things or when she is confused and convinced that these are not real feelings.
if i touch anything, it is bloody murder. thats what goes back to selfish.
i am loosing it right before her eyes, and it is no matter.
the last thing was my honda has been sitting in the carport for 2 years now, with bad brakes. she stated to me that the jeep is starting to "go"like all the other cars here. and he needed todrive my honda. no. its mine. i have had to deal with it sitting there. my mom said she would fix it and c gets all up in arms that she could pay her for it. c got extremely ill
c says that it is not safe for me to drive around with the kids, but since mechanically inclined if something happens it would happen with her. NO. no. i said no, but she is not listening. someone help me...
yes, i see a psych and my primary care...im just not doing well this time. really i am not.

[envie]

am i doing something wrong by continually supporting her? i mean i have gotten used to her stealing my clothes when she comes back. but not all my clothes. i have learned to hide everything

Of course you must keep your dignity and respect in the back of your head as you don't want to be a door mat or taken advantage off either but remember, you are the more stable one.

help4me this is what I brought up in an earlier post here.

There is inconsiderate, irresponsible, selfish and destructive behavior that goes beyond being transgender and in fact might have nothing to do with being transgender.
While transition can be very self centered process I have a strong feeling your partner is just finding excuses for her irresponsible behavior.
I am sorry I had to say it this way and I am so sorry you are finding yourself in this situation with a young child on top of everything else.

I so wished some trangender people would find more respect for their spouses who, unlike many others, are actually trying to go along with the transition and show support
and engage in forums like Susan's. My heart goes out to you all!

[CisInLove]

SOS:

Does anyone know what side effects would take place if my partner would stop HRT immediately(she´s been taking them for 4 weeks and 1 day)? I need to know this a.s.a.p. please or if anyone knows of a website where I could research this would be fab.

The effects have gone wild on her, bigger tits than ever before(she had manboobs before), mega mood swings, etc. etc. etc. but she did say she wanted to quit for a few months so I can be able to say "goodbye" in peace. She´s just afraid of stopping abruptly and the next doc appointment would be in 3 weeks. That would, let´s say "taint" her even more. This whole HRT thing (even though she still doesn´t have any counseling etc. which I still think is wrong) has almost killed our relationship, although I want to accompany her through her transition. I love her so very much.  Help!

[Jeneva]

Well I'm sure there is some drawback to stopping abruptly, but that isn't a long time to have been on them.  It definitely isn't long enough to have rendered her permanently sterile.

I suspect that she isn't the only one to have done started/stopped HRT so quickly and maybe someone else can chime in.

[madwoman_in_the_attic]

Just sending more energy and support for both of you!

@Envie, that was a great intro to NVC. I am using some NVC techniques in my face-to-face partners' support group: "what are we [each] feeling and needing right now" and then "how can we formulate specific do-able requests to ask for what we need" and so on. Would love to chat some time about how you have found it useful, but I don't want to distract from focus on supporting CIL...

Maddie

[madwoman_in_the_attic]

Cis in Love, just stopping by to ask - How are you two doing?

Hugs,

Maddie