Just what is"Living full time as a woman"?

[CindyLouCovington]

A friend of mine,70 years old who is sceptical of ->-bleeped-<-, made a remark that really hit home. When I told her about the required real life experience"living full time as a woman" she said, "Just what the HELL is THAT supposed to mean?".Good point. If this were the Victorian era, or the 1920's, or even the 1950's it would be an easy question to answer. But in 2012 America there is precious little difference in the way everyone lives(except economic considerations). Most women dress pretty much like men most of the time.The body shape is the main givaway.I wear leggins daily to do work around the house and yard, which has got a few stares, but since leggings are  even worn by men for exercising now, even that doesn't always raise eyebrows.And in the summer I wear shorts,which are obviously gender neutral.So what does it mean. My friend said"The only thing that I can think of that fits now is GETTING PREGNANT', which perhaps is a little too much to ask.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Living full time as a woman, or a man has nothing to do with how you dress, but instead how you present yourself.  Do you introduce yourself with a female name/pronouns, or with a male name/pronouns?

[peky]

Live with boobage, aquiered by hormones-usage, implants, or falsies; present yourself with boobies for a week, see how different people treat you.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Live with boobage, aquiered by hormones-usage, implants, or falsies; present yourself with boobies for a week, see how different people treat you.

LOL I don't think so, there are some cis men out there walking around with bigger tits than some cis women.

[rachl]

Live with boobage, aquiered by hormones-usage, implants, or falsies; present yourself with boobies for a week, see how different people treat you.

Uhh, no. None of that is necessary. It's about presenting yourself as female (name, pronouns, etc.).

[lilacwoman]

anyone wanting to be seen as a woman would choose a name, documents, look, clothes, and public presentation like a stereotypical woman...and ignore all those who say no need.

[Constance]

I started my RLE last September, about 3 months after starting HRT. My ex-wife had been calling me "Connie" all the time since about last April.

For me, "living full time as a woman" means that I use a "feminine" presentation all day everyday and I use my real name, Connie, in all settings except legal ones. My cubicle name plate at work says Constance even though I'm still David in the payroll system.

The presentation part for me is mostly about sending the necessary visual cues to those around me and it must be working. I'm addressed as "ma'am" or "miss" just about everywhere I go by strangers and friends alike.

[rachl]

I've been thinking of this more lately, especially based on my experience.

I submitted my name change application 5 weeks ago, though I had been using the new name for longer than that (I had to wait for a replacement birth certificate). And as of April 1, I only go by my new name. However, I was still using men's washrooms and change room facilities. However, over the weeks/months, I became increasingly very uncomfortable doing that, even though I wasn't fully suppressing my male secondary sex characteristics (e.g., facial hair). But around May 1, I had a conversation with a colleague at work (my department chair: I'm a professor), and just realized that I'm already "presenting female" full time, even if I'm not suppressing all of the secondary male characteristics. My manner of dress, social interactions, pronouns, name, and everything were consistent with a female gender, and so it made sense to stop using men's facilities even if I weren't suppressing the facial hair etc.. Shortly thereafter I had my gender designation changed on my driver's license (I mean by a matter of days).

That's the day I consider starting "full time" living. Everyone knows me by my female identity now and refers to me that way; I only use women's washrooms and change rooms (though it took another week before my sports club made their policy decision and announcement, with my guidance, I'm happy to say). So I consider myself full time even if I don't hide the beard shadow everyday, or if I don't wear my breast forms everyday.

It all raises an interesting question for what constitutes "beginning" RLE.

[Constance]

It all raises an interesting question for what constitutes "beginning" RLE.

That's a good question.

For me, the "identity transition" really completed around Easter 2011. That's when I really began thinking of myself as Connie.

And again, for me, I went full time when I started my RLE. That's when I officially started presenting in my "target gender" all day everyday.

[Asfsd4214]

Living full time as a woman, or a man has nothing to do with how you dress, but instead how you present yourself.  Do you introduce yourself with a female name/pronouns, or with a male name/pronouns?

This is english, you don't refer to yourself by gendered pronouns. What would you say?

"Hi I'm her-jordan"?

Which brings me too, what if your names gender neutral? Are you just not allowed to have one? Because that's a double standard. Hell some girls are given boys name and vice verse. The former of the two if it's popular enough is the cause of many modern gender neutral names.

I hate the term RLE for exactly this reason. 99.99% of everything I do in any day life wouldn't change in any way if I were a man or a woman. Nor would it for many other people. In english gendered pronouns tend to only be used in reference to someone else "she's funny" "he's a nice guy", when do you ever use them in reference to yourself? Especially when would you ever have too?

My shrink pulled the RLE crap on me, the shrink I had one session with and never went back too and now publicly recommend people not to go too.

She explained it as basically dressing like no ordinary woman of my age nearly ever dresses. Which is a ridiculous double standard.

In my experience, shrinks don't want you to act like a woman, they want you to act like their image of a transexual.

[Asfsd4214]

anyone wanting to be seen as a woman would choose a name, documents, look, clothes, and public presentation like a stereotypical woman...and ignore all those who say no need.

Funny, most women in their 20s I see don't see the need to do any of that.

Wtf is a female document? Paper in pink? A drivers license with an F on it? Our NSW, Australia licenses don't even have a gender marker on them.

So we're not allowed to have a gender neutral name? Normal women are. Same with clothes not that there's much difference.

Live with boobage, aquiered by hormones-usage, implants, or falsies; present yourself with boobies for a week, see how different people treat you.

Oh so dress slutty then? We're not allowed to dress modestly where our boobs aren't overly obvious then? Seems to be ok for regular women.

[GhostTown11]

Funny, most women in their 20s I see don't see the need to do any of that.

Wtf is a female document? Paper in pink? A drivers license with an F on it? Our NSW, Australia licenses don't even have a gender marker on them.

So we're not allowed to have a gender neutral name? Normal women are. Same with clothes not that there's much difference.

Oh so dress slutty then? We're not allowed to dress modestly where our boobs aren't overly obvious then? Seems to be ok for regular women.

But you're not regular women. I don't mean that as an offense I just mean that you were born male and as such are very Likely of getting read as male more than a cis girl.

[rachl]

 But what does that have to do with one BEING a woman? Well, nothing. It's irrational (and deeply unethical, on oh so many levels) for psychologists and the medical community to require trans women to live up to some unrealistic picture and standard of femininity. It's insulting to transwomen AND women.

[justmeinoz]

For me it means that a lot of the time I am wearing a women's motorcycle jacket because that is all I now have.  Regardless of the weather.  And my name is officially Karen, and I use the Ladies loo.  That's about it for the day-to-day stuff.

Karen.

[GhostTown11]

But what does that have to do with one BEING a woman? Well, nothing. It's irrational (and deeply unethical, on oh so many levels) for psychologists and the medical community to require trans women to live up to some unrealistic picture and standard of femininity. It's insulting to transwomen AND women.

I agree that the medical community needs to stop thinking of transwomen as living up to this goddess of feminity image. I just meant in teRms of passing.

[ktc]

I've never quite figured out what "Living full-time" was supposed to mean either, especially in my own case (where it's never been something I've bothered to identify). As a previous poster pointed out, this is english, so I don't introduce myself with gendered pronouns. My name is also gender neutral as heard, and isn't an English name anyway so a lot of people who see it written won't get the gender there either. Nevertheless, I haven't been gendered male since starting blockers around 15, despite not bothering with anything to change my presentation at that time. As for clothes, I just wear whatever I want (which in practice is a lot of t-shirts and jeans), but it's still obvious to everyone around me that I'm female and I don't do anything to dispel their natural assumptions because I am female so there's no need.

Have I done anything that constitutes "living full-time"? I finally managed to change the gender on my passport after having SRS a few weeks ago, but until then I just avoided showing ID cards to my friends (and didn't do a lot of stuff that involved ID), so I can't imagine that's the critical point. Plus, it'd be odd to have something defined as RLE that was only possible (here) after SRS.

[Alainaluvsu]

Funny, most women in their 20s I see don't see the need to do any of that.

Wtf is a female document? Paper in pink? A drivers license with an F on it? Our NSW, Australia licenses don't even have a gender marker on them.

So we're not allowed to have a gender neutral name? Normal women are. Same with clothes not that there's much difference.

You don't see them doing any of that because they've already done it, lol.

I wish I could get a non gendered ID. In Louisiana, they mark your gender on it.

There's nothing wrong with transsexuals having a gender neutral name. I was thinking about doing it and I'm sure many have done it and presented as female just fine. All I know is every time I tell someone my real name, they either look at me like I'm strange or they immediately go from calling me female pronouns to male pronouns. So I'd say it's quite a big deal for many to change their name so people actually take them as a female.

As far as clothes, same thing. Go ahead and wear whatever you want. If you want to wear boy cut pants with affliction shirts, you must be pretty passable in order for people to see you as a female.

IMO starting RLE is more of a psychological thing. It's when you go out and expect people to see you as a female. You don't really have to look it, although you may get treated insane if you're obviously male going around telling everybody you're female. Starting it is NOT necessarily changing your name, wearing girl clothes, makeup etc.

But as you can see, I'm a girl that obviously likes being the typical girl

[Constance]

IMO starting RLE is more of a psychological thing. It's when you go out and expect people to see you as a female. You don't really have to look it, although you may get treated insane if you're obviously male going around telling everybody you're female. Starting it is NOT necessarily changing your name, wearing girl clothes, makeup etc.

Bolded for emphasis.

This is a great way to sum it up, to me. By the time I "started RLE" and "went full time" I already thought of myself as Connie. Going full time and starting RLE was when I officially left David behind, and made Connie public.

[peky]

IMO starting RLE is more of a psychological thing. It's when you go out and expect people to see you as a female.

In that case, my RLE experience started in first grade. You see by that tender age I had not yet learned the "male' role, so I went around as myself, in my head, fully expecting everybody to see me as a girl, but alas all they saw was a feminine boy. The consequences of my early RLE were a daily beatens by the priests and seminariest, topped by the occasional kick and punch of my lovely Christians classmates.

[Carbon]

I agree that the medical community needs to stop thinking of transwomen as living up to this goddess of feminity image. I just meant in teRms of passing.

I finally saw a therapist who I was hoping to get an HRT letter from but he kept asking all this stuff like "Are you attracted to men? Do you want to wear make up and wear women's clothes? Did you know you were female since you were 5?" It's like holy ->-bleeped-<- come on. He actually really nice about it but the more I think about what happened I feel like it won't get anywhere. He complimented me on my hair too which I felt like was nice at the time but now I wonder if he was just testing me to see if I liked someone complimenting what is currently the most feminine thing in my presentation.

I tried to tell him like if I primarily just wanted to wear makeup/dress a certain way I would just do it, I wouldn't open myself up to the like 1000% of the scrutiny that trans people face. If it was that important to me to wear a dress then I would be going out in dresses now. I also told him that I didn't have a goal of breast implants because I have not even had the natural breast growth and my goal is not "have breasts as big as possible."

I feel like internally I am MtF nonbinary if that makes any sense but of course I didn't even START to tell him that because his response would just be "well if you aren't certain/don't feel committed then you shouldn't do it." But I AM committed and a nonbinary sense isn't less real or less important, and I definitely know I'm not male and the less I think of myself as male the happier I am. (I have a friend who has started trying to relate to me more as a girl and I honestly love that too)