Am I gay guy or trans? :( Please Help I'm depressed and confused!

[lilacwoman]

ConfusedGuy... you're not TS but just a gay guy with a problem about sex.
As you like your penis and think vaginas are repulsive you're not TS but a gay guy,
as you like a flat chest your'e definitely not TS a gay guy,
you need to get out into society and see what sort of sex you like...you'll find lots of gay guys will like you...you might also find lots of women like you as a friend or sex partner.
you might be bisexual.

spend money on a shrink's couch or in a gay bar or on a hetero dating site...

[Confusedguy55]

oh guys im so confused.. had to go home early from college today because these thoughts are killing me ;( i live in a small town i dont think theres any help available
I would be so much easier if i was just a gay male... im hoping that i am but at the same time im scared that i might not be...
Today in college i was working on my assignement and then all of the sudden I reminded myself that once or twice i went online to look at girl ags and stuff to see if i was a girl which ones i would wear... and imagined myself with different hairstyle, how i would do it and things like that...
it just hit me... i almost cried and had to go home to have a think about it
Basically its really weird because as i said i do not want to have vagina... as for breats i dont care... The thing why sometimes i wished to be a woman is because if I was one I could openly be in a relationship with a man and no one would judge that. Also it would be better in terms of feminity because if i said i like this and that eg celebrity gossips and stuff liek that then no one would think its weird ;/
I think if society was different and I could openly be gay (which im not but Im planning to come out) things would be different. If i was to stay as a boy but openly liek other men and be accepted + i could openly liek the things i like i wouldnt be worried...
Hmm maybe the problem is with my self acceptance... with being scared to come out and be myself, PAtrick who happens to like other men and likes some girly (but then i dont wanna wear makeup or shave my legs) things... hmm Im consfused.
There are days when I feel really positive and think that I dont have any problem... But them after i remind myself that i used to daydream of being a girl and i start to wryy why i did it etc.. I honestly do not remember wishing to be a girl during my teen years.. i think it all started once i started pretending girl on the internet i order to get nice boys lol

Hmm my mom knows about all my worries and she thinks I should wait unitl i move out to London or any other big city where i can be open about mys exuality... See if  like it and if its enough and then time will show. I think shes right, I need to see how life will be once im out, with someone and able to express my emotions fully.
I think i can be happy as a gay male and have nice life with male body but I'm such a worrier.
Im probably a femboy as someone on this forum said... I know for sure id like to have longer hair and be able to make ponytail lol

[Confusedguy55]

ConfusedGuy... you're not TS but just a gay guy with a problem about sex.
As you like your penis and think vaginas are repulsive you're not TS but a gay guy,
as you like a flat chest your'e definitely not TS a gay guy,
you need to get out into society and see what sort of sex you like...you'll find lots of gay guys will like you...you might also find lots of women like you as a friend or sex partner.
you might be bisexual.

spend money on a shrink's couch or in a gay bar or on a hetero dating site...

Your post makes me feel better Someone once said that i might be a tranvestite  (that from time to time i would liek to pretend a girl) but not transgender....
anyway. I really hope you are right
Btw i tried to wear makeup some time ago... looked at myself in the mirror and felt... NOTHING just like some face with makeup but it didnt make me feel any better hmm
I guess im a bit jealous of the fact that girls have really pretty clothes lol

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Confusedguy,

Just catching up on your other posts, it appears to me your state of confusion is escalating, to the point of substantial interruption to your studies.

So this matter can be resolved in the shortest possible time and have the least deleterious effect on you, now is the time to see the College counselor or therapist who is conversant with TG matters.

They are trained in getting to the root cause of any dysphoria, quickly, efficiently, bringing you back on an even keel as soon as possible.

Please don't muck around with this. It is important. Your studies are at risk, and so is your overall well being.

Let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Sephirah]

It seems from your posts that you're more interested in how men treat women with regard to relationships, and that aspect appeals to you more than physically being female. You would like to openly be in a relationship with a guy and feel that being female would make this far easier than trying to achieve the same thing from a gay perspective.

Something interesting struck me when reading your posts.

i think it all started once i started pretending girl on the internet i order to get nice boys lol

How did that make you feel? The attitude towards you from the guys you were conversing with?

My own suspicions are that you're afraid to express your feminine side as you are now, not just with regard to sexuality but other aspects of your life too, and feel the only way you can achieve that is as a woman because you think that will be seen as more acceptible by the rest of society.

However, as others have said, getting professional help with this is by far the best step to take. By the sounds of it, there are deeper issues here.

[Amazon D]

You said you haven't had sex with anyone yet.

You said you liked the personalities of straight men over gay men.

I guess all your sexual thoughts are about straight men because they treat you gentler.

You like gay males but you seem to be afraid of them as they might not be as caring and soft treating to you.

You just need to seek a male for their ability to be gentle and soft and stop looking at straight males because they will most likely become crazed if they found out your a male. Its not right to trick people online.

I am sure there is another gay male just like you who is also seeking to go slowly and find love over sex first.

Be patient and don 't jump into sex.

make an ad at a site for a sweet caring gay male your age not someone older who may not be sensative to your views.

be well good bye

[lilacwoman]

I got the impression you were in USA!

Anway you really do need to socialise a bit to find your own kind whatever that may be...a therapist will be available from your GP referral service or local PALS office of local NHS...but your college offic ewill have some links to TGBL services and organiastion in your college or area.

I'd be very surprised if there isn't a pub/club close to college that has lots of LBTG folk there one or more nights a week...ask around.

[Confusedguy55]

thank you guys! you all maked me feel so much better right now! my mum also said that she doesnt think at all that i might be trans because she obviously saw me growing up... and the fact that i used to play with dolls as a child doesnt mean anything as LOTS of gay guys used to do it during childchood.

I guess i just will try to accept myself a bit more... and If i feel like dancing in a girly way to Britney song then I will.. but as you guys told me it doesnt make me ts

Yeah im a bit of a loner... I dont have much of a life outside of internet... but i really live in a small town without ANY gay scene and its frustrating... I not gonna lie; i get EXTREMELY jealous when i see girls in relationships and how easy their life is. Hopefully once i move out my life will change and I will be myself as a gay boy... with a bit of feminine side who likes fashion hahaha
Gosh im such a stereotypical gay boy britney, fashion and gossip lol
I just wish i could be myself.. have a boyfriend, act how i want, move the way i want and enjoy life! Hopefully it will happen ona day, even tho im aware that being a gay male is not easy and it will never be as good as straight couples lives... but oh well... could be worse i guess!

[Confusedguy55]

the only thing that still worries me is that i want long hair... something like this: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/22/article-2028987-0D88C1DD00000578-934_308x346.jpg
but i guess thats just my feminie side that i got right?