Wish I hadn't gone out

[ki1977]

Hey,

I was a little reluctant to post this..mainly cause I felt a bit silly.

I went out a few weeks back to celebrate my partners birthday, the night was really good and I felt confident being out and using the male toilets etc . We finished the night in a local lgbt bar, within 10 minutes of being there a woman came up to me saying "your not a real man". I'm living in the same area as I was pre-t so it is possible that she knew me from before. I was with a large group of friends and we all decided it was best to leave. The woman was waiting outside and shouted "show me your chest". She didn't use that term, but am sure you know what I mean. She then hit me across the head and grabbed my private area shouting something that I wouldn't like to repeat on the forum. Her friend grabbed her and luckily knoweone got hurt and we ran off. Since starting T I have found it really hard to cry. However, that night I didn't stop. The following day I made a you tube video. which I felt helped me get it off my chest. However, I keep finding myself cringing at the thought of her touching my private area. Whenever I get a negative comment/message through my you tube channel I usually just brush it off and put it down to lack of understanding. But, I really cant get the thought of her touching me out of my mind. She didn't touch my skin and I almost feel stupid for thinking this way. Sorry for posting this, but thought this be a good place to share.

[Shantel]

I'm sorry that you had to endure such a horrible experience. Me being an MtF with a type-A chloric personality makes it easy for me to say that she should have had her ass kicked right then and there. However, that kind of behavior is not only uncalled for in today's society, but in many places is illegal. Anyone touching your body in an unwanted and aggressive manner is assault. Her touching your breasts or crotch makes it a sexual assault. You have my warmest sympathy sweetie, do discuss it a lot among your friends that you hang out with and all of you come up with a plan of how you will respond to this type of encounter as a group should it happen again in the future. Continue to be you and be happy with who you wish to be and practice projecting that image to build up self confidence. ((Hugs))

[ki1977]

thank you.....I haven't expressed to any of my friends or my partner how I feel, but I think it's a good idea that I do.

And thanks so much for sharing your experience. I didn't report it either, at the time I think I was in shock. I completely agree with the humiliation part, I think that word really sums up how I feel.

[Shantel]

there are no protections for trans people where I live and I'm sure dealing with the local law enforcement on something like that would be even more humiliating for me, so I didn't pursue any charges. Plus, I think a lot of people think its funny to grab a trans person in the crotch area to "make sure."  Its like they disregard us as fellow humans.

Unfortunately Renee a lot of genetic females allow the gropers and the rapists to get away with their crap because they fear any further humiliation dealing with the authorities, the baddies bank on it. If you are FtM you will have to become more assertive and refuse to cringe and hide. This is an ugly society we live in, it's getting worse with increased population density. You may not like me for saying this, but you will have to man up mentally so that next time someone pulls that on you that you will see it through and watch them get terminated, it would serve them right! I hate bullies!

[Shantel]

I'm mtf, I haven't put my gender on here since I reached 15 posts.

And it was a customer in the store where I work as a clerk.

DUH what do I know??? 

[Shantel]

Nice photo, very pretty!

[Gretchen]

It's amazing what kind of crap we have to deal with being trans. Some days it just makes me so mad to have to deal with these ->-bleeped-<-s. I would imagine if we could gather all the tears from all the trans people from around the world we could fill an ocean. So much pain that is inflected upon us, so much misery, we are not the worlds whipping post damm it. For christ sake even our close cis friends don't have a clue how much pain they can cause with just the slip of the tongue and then to have complete total strangers physically violate us is just so enraging to me. Will we ever be able to stop this kind of abuse?

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

she sexually abused you, and harassed you. she should go to jail for that.

[ki1977]

Thanks so much all for your replies...I am feeling so much better after talking with my partner think I just needed to get it off my chest

[Kitty_Babe]

That's a pretty ugly encounter. Yes its an Assault, even more so a sexual one. Really makes no difference if were a man or woman doing the attack really. I'm sorry to read you had such a bad experience, there are some real scum bags out there.

[Julie Wilson]

As someone who went the m2f route, for a while GLBT spaces seemed like a "safe space" to begin interacting with others, a safe place to go when I first started wearing female clothing, etc.  Looking back all I can see from here is regret.  I was going to list all my bad experiences but instead I will just give a couple.  I had a transgender woman out me as trans while I was with a girlfriend I hadn't told yet, it was the very early part of a relationship and the transgender woman nipped it in the bud and destroyed any chance I had of allowing her to get to know me as a female, that was the end of that relationship.

A gay man I met at a bar some years previous came into my place of work (he had always been nice to me, bought me drinks in the past).  Instead of saying hello to me he told several of my coworkers that I was really just a man pretending to be a woman.

I have had some bad experiences but when it comes to GLBT "friendly" spaces... that is where the majority of ignorance, prejudice and just plain hate have come from, that I have experienced.  I have had far better luck just approaching other men and women as a woman than I ever had trying to gain acceptance in GLBT "friendly" places.

Also people who are GLBT are better at spotting someone who transitioned and often times just love to let you know it.

I avoid GLBT spaces like the plague, for my health and my sanity.

Sorry for your bad experience.  I recommend avoiding GLBT spaces.

[Julie Wilson]

By the way, I was leaving the women's restroom at work when a non-trans lesbian was coming into the restroom.  (I knew she was lesbian because a coworker later told me she was there to see her) she said casually to me, "You aren't a real woman."  Some people aren't really people I guess, more like soul-less demons in skin suits.

[Shantel]

I have had some bad experiences but when it comes to GLBT "friendly" spaces... that is where the majority of ignorance, prejudice and just plain hate have come from, that I have experienced.  I have had far better luck just approaching other men and women as a woman than I ever had trying to gain acceptance in GLBT "friendly" places.

Also people who are GLBT are better at spotting someone who transitioned and often times just love to let you know it.
I recommend avoiding GLBT spaces.

You are so right about this, I have had the same observations. It became clear early on that other GLBTI types seem to relish their moment in the sun when they can out someone who clearly passes in the eyes of cis people who aren't as gender-wise as they. It's so rude, especially when they know they are trampling someones self esteem! It always seems to me that street types and those who tend to be streetwise as well as the gender-wise individuals are most guilty of this type of vile behavior. Those in the middle-income and above range aren't generally the least bit knowledgable about gender dysphoria or it's issues and therefore generally don't see a FtM or MtF when they are out in public. Besides, they are filled with the busyness of their own daily lives and don't have time to waste wondering if it's a man or a woman, nor do they even care. So it's much safer just living in the mainstream and staying away from gender queer places altogether!

[Renee D]

Yeah, I quit messing with the local pflag because I was misgendered numerous times by the facilitator and they didn't even know me from before.  Apparently, just knowing I'm trans is enough. 

[Shantel]

My last TG Group meeting was a decade ago, but I still recall someone asking me, "Are you MtF or FtM?" My thoughts were like "WTF you Dork!" 

[Julie Wilson]

Yeah, I quit messing with the local pflag because I was misgendered numerous times by the facilitator and they didn't even know me from before.  Apparently, just knowing I'm trans is enough.

Ah yes... PFLAG.  I had some really bad experiences there just like you mentioned.

[Felix]

It really hurts to hear this. That kind of night is hard to shake. You aren't what she treated you as. One of the hardest things (for me) after this kind of encounter is rehashing it later, and being ashamed of either what it meant or of the fact that I didn't react better to it. You are cooler than you acted and better than she treated you, but it can get difficult to remember that.

She had absolutely no right to say those things or touch you.

- and btw I always avoided PFLAG for having heard similar stuff about them but the one I go to in NW Portland is great, lots of trans people and no misgendering that I've seen.

[Cindy]

Very sad to hear your experience. And yes it was sexual assault. It doesn't matter what gender you are, if a person grabs you like that it is sexual assault.

I have to admit I don't got to overtly 'gay' places. I just go to everyday places and clubs. I have nothing against gay places, but I find places where people don't have to wear labels are more friendly  places for  me.

[Keaira]

- and btw I always avoided PFLAG for having heard similar stuff about them but the one I go to in NW Portland is great, lots of trans people and no misgendering that I've seen.

I have nothing but the highest regards to the members of our local PFLAG. I go to their meeting once a month and never been mis-gendered. My only issue is that the Trans community has somewhat different needs than the Gay and Lesbian communities. But it works as a counseling session for me. And practice for public speaking. ^_^