coming out to wife, again.

[Wil Najera]

so, a few of you who know me know the history about my transitioning efforts. i came out to my wife last summer in june. she pretended to be excited and supportive at first. then about 3 months later, she told me she really was just lying. and that she didnt agree with me transitioning. well, as you know, gender dysphoria doesnt just magically disappear. so i'm going to attempt to explain again, hopefully in better terms, about my transitioning and how it will make me complete. hopefully it goes well. i'm a tad bit much of a pushover, and well, ill let you all know friday how it went. or if i even worked up the balls to actually talk to her. :/ i've been practicing what to say to her all day. and i hope everything comes out as smooth and understandable as it has in my head. lol.

i dont know why i'm so worried about her reaction. i love her with all my heart. and i can only hope that she really loves me for who i am on the inside and not just my body. we've been married (domestic partnership) for a year and a month now as a lesbian couple. so, i really dont want this to end badly. just even thinking about the possibility that she'll object and give me some horrible reaction makes me so scared/anxious i could puke right now. does anyone have any advice? i only have an hour and a half till works done and i go home. (i dont have a computer at home... that's why i'm mentioning my time frame.) so anything, any advice. i'm willing to take it. i need it. :/

[niamh]

Personally I think honesty is always the best in a couple. If transitioning is what you need to do then you have to tell her straight and clear. Noone said it would be easy but in the medium to long run it's for the best to suffer a little pain now. Good luck.

[Wil Najera]

honesty is something that has never been easy in my life. this is going to be hard... but from texting her, i know she's already in a bad mood... so i'm kinda chickening out now.

[Felix]

Are you gone yet? Jesus. I hate that recognizing your identity means so much work being careful with other people's feelings. Good luck, okay? We wish you well.

[lilacwoman]

out in the real world lotsa lesbians hate TS just as lotsa homosexuals hate TS so you're lesbian partner is just acting true to form and wants to be with another woman not a guy.
and as a TS you won't be as welcome in the lesbian circles as she is which may be another source of friction.
if you really need to transition you may find things go pearshaped but that will free you to become yourself and make a new life.

[Wil Najera]

my plan to talk to her didnt really go as i had planned... we actually started fighting about finances and such, and then she magically brought up my transitioning without me even saying anything. lol. it was like she knew... it actually didnt go too badly. she now understands how much i distain being in this body, and that i am a man on the inside. we didnt go into detail about the transitioning process, but i've made progress. she caught me staring at myself in the mirror and saw the look of disgust on my face. i was trying to cover my breasts with my hands and make them disappear. so she just looks at me and says, "you wanna wear your binder love?" and in that moment, i had this little burst of relief. everythings going to be ok. and today, i'm happy. the woman i love actually sees and understands who i am.

[Wil Najera]

Are you gone yet? Jesus. I hate that recognizing your identity means so much work being careful with other people's feelings. Good luck, okay? We wish you well.

i know right? why cant people just understand? and be like, "oh, ur trans? that's awesome. i'm happy you are trying to truly be happy with yourself, i love you for who you are, and if you're happy, i'm happy"

[GypsySoul]

  Todd, I dont know you or your wife but I do know of the anxiety you experienced while trying to come out to her. My Wife (MTF Soon to be starting transition) very recently came out to me, and while it was a shock to me I also realized the kind of bravery and trust it must have taken. I take the standpoint of "i'm happy you are trying to truly be happy with yourself, i love you for who you are, and if you're happy, i'm happy". I dont feel that anything less is acceptable.
As an SO my advice to you in your personal relationship is to just be honest. Make an honest agreement with your wife to be 100% open about how you are feeling, 100% of the time (both of you, you must BOTH be honest with each other). I haven't been doing this long but in my opinion things are going much much smoother than they would be if my wife and I were keeping our feelings inside...And if things get too heated, take a break, you can come back to it when you are cooled off. 
  I honestly hope that everything does work out well for you =D

(Sorry for the ramble... Need sleep.) 

[Wil Najera]

no worries on the ramble. i do it too. even when not tired. i just tend to ramble. haha. its nice to hear about it from the other end of the perspective tho.

my wife and i are pretty young. and i know that i personally have ALOT more growing up to do. so i hope that things will work themselves out in time. either way i hope that i'll be happy. or that ill end up happy.

[Kyyn]

Congratulations
That must have been one of the hardest things to do.
I'm really glad it worked out and she can accept you as a husband instead of a wife

[Wil Najera]

its just baby steps for now. but hopefully things will continue to go great. we have alot of communication issues. well... 90% of it is me... i lock up. i always do, its just how i've been my whole life... kinda just a bad habit i took on while growing up.  i pretty much had to tho with my upbringing... so its just really hard for me to kick the habit now. i'm working on it tho.  its easier for me to talk to a random stranger than to truly express myself to my wife. that's really horrible, but its true. i told her last night that i'm going to keep working at it, and hopefully ill work up the curage to continue with a further in-depth discussion on transitioning. hopefully everything will go well. i watched a youtube vid today that really inspired me and kinda made my day. its was a very similar almost identical type of situation, and the couple that was in the vid, they're doing amazing. so it gives me hope. today is a good day.   

[Felix]

I'm glad she's being kind to you about it. I hope she recognizes that this isn't a betrayal. Transition is a hard thing to explain even for people who are really good at communicating.