Dark and Disturbing Thoughts

[Wild Flower]

When you have thoughts regarding "reincarnation", "Should I disown my family before they know", and more. I was like frozen in thoughts for an hour today, and it's distracting everything that I am doing. I was thinking of dropping college and go to CA, and wild thoughts, but I know I need to finish college. To feel content with myself.

This isn't a phase, and it's either, "Transition or self-destruction(like being depress forever)".

When you reach this point, is it time to consider being a transsexual woman and taking the first step after being only on spiro? I been on spiro for 2 yrs on and off...

I am so ashamed what my family might think too, and I don't know how I can look at them in the face without thinking I am some "->-bleeped-<-" or something.

I been questioning I was a woman for 4 yrs now, and it can be quiet, and then it comes in huge surges. It's like "oh maybe I am ok....", and then boom,. "I need to be a woman".

[Shantel]

Hi Wild Flower!
          Sure sounds like a classic case of gender dysphoria to me hon! Are you seeing a therapist about it yet?

Here's the deal about families, usually they act up, talk about disowning you, and other hurtful stuff. The truth is, they normally don't throw out the baby with the dirty bath water, moms are better about it than dads who feel compelled to go into the [WTF] mode. Eventually they give up and surrender to the idea that their child isn't an absolutely perfect replication of themselves. All of this will be a test for them and for you. For them, to see if they will finally cave in and admit that they love you regardless of this strange aberration. For you, by being as gracious as possible in spite of the onslaught of tantrums to make you cave under massive guilt feelings and continue living up to their expectations. If they refuse to relent then you have a choice to either continue on in a miserably toxic and unhappy life or recognize that it's time to part ways as painful as it seems.

[lilacwoman]

I don't understand what a Spiro only regime is supposed to do apart from upset your water system?

If you can't face the family or anyone else you are going to have a  hard time so you need to either give up the idea of messing with your body or take the plunge by going to a club for CD/TVs to see if you can match up and live the life part time or full time and if so make a start on transitioning to whatever you want to be.

[justmeinoz]

If you are not living with your family then they will just have to accept your decision.  How they react is up to them,  let's face it they are adults and responsible for their own actions too.  They should respect your decision as you would, I have no doubt, theirs. 

If you are living at home, and dependant  it is a different situation.  In that case I would be inclined to phrase things in  more "Questioning everything about myself" terms.  Let them see you are serious, and take things slowly.  In the meantime you can gather as much  knowledge of 'womanhood' and what it entails as you can, so that you can move forward more easily when you are independent.

Karen.

[Amazon D]

Spiranolactone will block further masculinazation (as it blocks T from locking into the certain sites) but going on and off will make your life and mind a rollercoaster and will affect your hormonal levels which add to the rollercoaster ride.