Well isn't this just wonderful.

[N.Chaos]

I've recently gotten a few of my paintings and drawings published in an anthology, the first I'll actually be recieving royalties from. This is a huge deal for me, so I've been telling a lot of people (primarily, my mom's side of the family). Being an idiot, and partially intoxicated, I made a comment to my mom about how crazy it was to type in my name on Amazon, and find this actual, professional book.

I didn't think any of it until last night. My dad called me and started asking about the book.
My dad.

Tiny explanation here, my dad and I are NOT close and I absolutely loathe 99% of his side of the family and have cut myself off from them for a few years now. He asked me for the title, and then asked me for the name I used. Which is the name I use for EVERYTHING. Which is, obviously, a MALE name.

So, I'm terrified he's going to find out, not just about how messed up I am, but EVERYTHING. See, I've been published several times under that name, and some of those stories are most definitely explicit, and more than a little disturbing. I never worried about using the name because, well, its *technically* a psuedonym. I'm not attaching my street address or anything to it. And, well, I never thought anyone in my 'family' would come across it or even know it exists.

So later on he posts it to his facebook (I see this because my uncle's girlfriend shared it off his page) and I'm thinking "Oh, okay. That's all." until I realize that my grandmother of all people has viewed it and 'liked' it.

And my grandmother, simply put, is a horrible, bat->-bleeped-<- old biatch with nothing better to do than gossip to hell and back. When my boyfriend (whom she had NEVER EVEN MET) got hit by a car and I had literally no way to be there when he was in surgery, she went on this huge diatribe on her facebook about how "SOME people are fake friends" and a bunch of insane bull. Excuse me? Lady, you don't know me and you HAVEN'T really known me since I was 9 or 10.

So, yeah. I'm piss terrified and a little pissed. If she decides to go googling, which wouldn't surprise me, I'm absolutely dead. Like, sell all my ->-bleeped-<- to afford a legal name change and a cross-country move kinda dead, because these monsters will make my life absolute hell.

[Shantel]

You are very talented and so typical of some of the artists I know in terms of your anxiety level which is obviously compounded by the rigors of transition. Ok, take a deep breath, relax, be proud of what you have accomplished and enjoy the notoriety. BTW -  There are more than a few authors and artists who have used an anonymous name  sometimes one of the opposite gender just for the sake of their personal privacy. In the 1800's no-one would publish a female's writings, so they used a man's name or just initials and their last name. There is a man who is famous for his romance novels and writes under a female name which surprised a lot of his female readers who thought that it was a woman author. There you go, nothing to worry about! 

[tekla]

my grandmother, simply put, is a horrible, bat->-bleeped-<- old biatch

Bet if you post that on her page you'll never hear from her again.

[N.Chaos]

my grandmother, simply put, is a horrible, bat->-bleeped-<- old biatch

Bet if you post that on her page you'll never hear from her again.

Oh, if only. That'd just get her hungry for more drama and jackassery. Not to mention her oh-so adoring children and grandchildren that will literally steal her stuff after a flood gutted her house. I just blocked her, and several other members of that side. They haven't said anything or tried to even add me, but I'm all about preemptive strikes.


Shantel, that's exactly what my mom's been saying (she knows I'm trans, dad and 99% of his brood don't) but I'm just kind of apprehensive that he'll, for whatever reason, ask me if the name is significant or why exactly I chose it. And I'm a damn good liar when I want to be, but I don't know how much longer I can keep dealing with him calling me that goddamn name. I don't think he'll flat-out hate me, but still. I've got enough personal BS going right now, my living situation is a little odd and there are so many factors that I'm just not going to go into on an open forum...I don't need a bipolar Russian Orthodox-style freakout flying my way.

[K Style Addiction]

I'm soo sorry , i wish i could help you. I can imagine what's it's like...just keep tough and although i may be giving crappy advice, don't tell him. None of us need that kind of treatment from members from my mom's side of the family that i hate to the point i don't even talk to them, see them or treat them like they exist. Last month i called my aunt who was with these people if you can call em that, and one of them picked up the phone and said my old name, it hurt but i'd rather take that hurt than letting this a-holes know about me.

[N.Chaos]

I'm soo sorry , i wish i could help you. I can imagine what's it's like...just keep tough and although i may be giving crappy advice, don't tell him. None of us need that kind of treatment from members from my mom's side of the family that i hate to the point i don't even talk to them, see them or treat them like they exist. Last month i called my aunt who was with these people if you can call em that, and one of them picked up the phone and said my old name, it hurt but i'd rather take that hurt than letting this a-holes know about me.

God, that's awful. I've picked up a (possibly bad habit) of either pointedly ignoring or lashing out at people who know and still use that name. Its not bad advice, though, it'd probably be a hell of a lot easier (if it even came up) but I've been trying to figure out a way to at least breach the subject to him. In a weird, possibly stupid-masochistic kind of way, I'm kind of hoping he'll pick up on it..

[V M]

Dude... Just keep doing your art and being yourself and don't sweat them

[N.Chaos]

Yeah, that's more or less the current plan. And maybe withholding information a little bit from my mom. Possibly.