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okay, what's going on?

Started by Stephanie_b, March 12, 2012, 11:04:27 PM

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Stephanie_b

March 12, 2012, 11:04:27 PM
Since I am pre-transition and pre-hormones, something has been bothering me.  Ever since I decided I was going to transition in January, I have been slowly coming out of my shell and am more or less being my female self, in regular guy mode.

My hair is getting longer now, but its nowhere near chin length yet.  I have 100% female looking legs already (because of 4 months of hrt a little over 4 years ago), and I am now walking like women do, I sit like women do and other such things.  I can't help it, I can't stand acting like a guy anymore!

What I am wondering about, is why are guys holding doors for me now?  This happens frequently.  Also many people look at me as I'm walking by them; it seems to be a curious look from what I can tell.  Also women at work are also chatting up a storm with me these days and guys are more distant.  Nobody knows that I am about to transition because I haven't said a word about it.  A male friend of mine said that I need to wear jeans that are more baggy because properly fitting ones make me look female from the waist down.

I am not in anyway horrified by any of this, but I am a little uncomfortable with all the attention I recieve because at this time I am still living as a male!

My mannerisms and speech; everything about me seems to already be more feminine than it was before and I don't know how to act as a man anymore, I can't help the way I am now.

I can hardly wait for the hormones so I can get on with this. Also I have noticed that guys from a distance appear to be eyeing me up until I'm close enough that they can see I'm a male (well not really, hehehe). 

Any ideas on what's going on with me and others?  I am becoming very self concious about this and I don't know what to do about this until I can go full time.
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Alainaluvsu

#1
March 12, 2012, 11:53:23 PM
I felt the same way as you pre HRT... and speaking from my experience, you haven't seen nothing yet.

I've been at my current job for a year now, started HRT roughly 6 months ago. I look back at the way I used to joke around with the guys there from April to about 2 weeks on E and T block, and I couldn't fathom joking around about that crap now. They used to think I was the funniest, most twisted guy at the job. Now I'm constantly the butt of jokes that refer to me as a girl, and when I say some girly junk nobody even looks at me cock eyed. Now it's more like a "yeah you would..." reaction. BTW, I haven't transitioned.

I've retained some of that humor, but just a shadow of what it used to be.

But since you've experienced HRT, you probably already know this...
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
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Sephirah

#2
March 13, 2012, 01:51:56 AM
Gandhi said it best:

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

That's what you're doing. Simples. :)

What starts in the mind radiates outwards. Body language, mannerisms, subtle indicators... like ripples in a pond. Radiating outwards into other aspects of your life. And people pick up on it, maybe subconsciously.

If you were a spiritual person, you could call it your aura that's changed.

Either way it's a change that's come only with self-acceptance.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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Stephanie_b

#3
March 13, 2012, 09:58:46 AM
Hmmm....I guess so.  So far it seems to be generally positive the way people are responding to me, so hopefully that will equate to a transition that's not going to be extremely difficult. 

I think that for now I should try to behave more like a man, but I just can't do it; I have tried and its awkward and feels fake. 

I was only on hrt for 4 months the first time but I only went out as female (as myself) just a handful of times. 

I have yet to experience much in the way of a true transition yet, but am anxious to start.
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Catherine Sarah

#4
March 13, 2012, 10:13:08 AM
Hi Stephanie,
Welcome to your new and exciting life. Couldn't be more happier for you.

What Sephirah said is ever so true. Exactly the same thing happened to me last July. I'm now confronted with the thoughts of how to find the man of my dreams and marry him. If you'd said that to me 12 months ago, I would have had you incarcerated for life in an institution. But now, it's so close, it's nearly reality.

Don't bother trying to act like a man anymore. It just doesn't work, and makes you look ridiculous. Just go with the flow. It will make your transition to RLE, if you are going that way, just that much easier.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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lilacwoman

#5
March 13, 2012, 10:30:48 AM
you're letting your inner femaleness come out and people are seeing it...enjoy the feeling.

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Stephanie_b

#6
March 13, 2012, 10:53:00 AM
"Don't bother trying to act like a man anymore. It just doesn't work, and makes you look ridiculous. Just go with the flow. It will make your transition to RLE, if you are going that way, just that much easier. Be safe, well and happy Lotsa huggs, Catherine"

Yes, I want to go full time as a woman and get srs when the time comes. 
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