Tick-Tock....

[GypsySoul]

 Claire saw her therapist for the first time today... He told her it would likely be around 3 months before she starts HRT. Although I am so very happy for her, I feel like a timer just started tick-tocking away... A timer on how long I get to be with my husband (No one else knows C as Claire other than the Susans crew so we havent started using the proper pronouns off this site yet). I know essentially Claire is the exact same person as C but it still smarts a bit. So much about him is going to change. His clothes, hair, voice, but mostly his face... I think that is the hardest part for me. His body is just a body but the face I see every morning when I wake up and the one I kiss before bed each night is going to change. The face that (CORNY ALERT) I kept in my head that helped get me through some of the harder points in my life is going to change.

I feel like a jerk for being upset by this.... Ugh, When is this going to stop being so damn confusing!?!?!?

On another note, Congrats to my love for making it through her first session without fainting! (If you had seen how pale and nervous she was in that waiting room you would know why I am so proud of her for this =D)

[Mandie]

Ya know the hardest for me hasn't been the physical appearance. I can deal with the breasts, the face changes and the hips. I can deal with the mood swings, the mannerisms and even going out in public with my wife..the hardest has been the smell. I miss "his" smell. I guess its one of those weird things only a wife would ever think about, but when you cuddle up at night and the smell is different its almost alien. I am slowly getting used to smelling makeup, and perfume but that thought is always in the back of my mind about the way she used to smell.

[Mandie]

*hugs* I know how difficult it is. Once the hormones start, everything will be in fast forward for you. I highly suggest a hobby, something to fall back on to calm your mind. I write, a lot! It keeps me focused and then I can deal with the changes at my pace. The best advice I can give is to not be hard on yourself. I beat myself up quite a bit in the beginning, this is my fault..I am not good enough..I should have known..I hate this, I should be supportive..but now I just roll with it.

[Mandie]

Nope, not wrong..normal. It is a long process, and there are days I wake up and I hate her. I hate that she is changing, I hate that she smells like a girl, I hate that she is bonding with our daughter over hair and makeup, I hate that she likes lady ga-ga..but then something clicks and I realize I don't really hate her, I just miss *him*, and not the real *him* the illusion of him..the *him* I romanticized him as. Once that hits me, I am all better for a while. It just takes time, I cant even tell you how much time it will take any of us but like everything these feelings will pass.

Feel free to pm me if you would like to chat, I freelance for a living and don't start another project until monday so I am going stir crazy over here hahaha!