The New you know you pass when

[Sydney_NYC]

Generally people will be afraid about gossiping about you as that may be a disciplinary offense. In NJ there are strong laws and protections against discrimination based on gender identity and expression.

But in your case, no, people probably genuinely don't know.

Since the laws don't apply to contract work or vendors, your right.

Today I was at a client's 3rd party warehouse location that I had not been there since it opened in 2010 as my pre-transition self. I went there to setup their workstations to access my clients system (that I wrote.) There were only two  out of the 50 employees there there that I knew pre-transition. One had known for 9 years because he and I work at the same company. He didn't recognize me at first (after all it had been 5 years since he seen me). Then I said hi to him and he had this puzzled look. (Someone had already told him 6 months ago that I transitioned.) Then his eyes opened wide up and he says, "Wow you look good, <hesitant at old name>." I told him it was now Sydney. His response: "Well it's nice to meet you Sydney "<pause>, "again." He then asked about my wife, and my brother. We talked for a few minutes catching up on life. He had to cut it short because he was on duty, but he gave me a big hug and said he was glad to see the new me.

The other one I had known for 2 years at the same old company and he didn't even recognize me at all. I didn't get a chance to speak with him.

[barbie]

I'm pretty sure my cats don't know I'm trans, and some people do, and others don't, so it's a mixed bag, but I like my life, and I'm happy being me, and that's what really matters.

Dogs seem to bark at me more compared with other men or women 

barbie~~

[Nattiedoll]

You know you pass (or will pass) when ur not even full time yet so you go into men's room and someone is looking back and forth at you, then says omgggg wait omg (confused). Then I smile and say "did I confuse you sir" he then says holy ->-bleeped-<- I thought you came into wrong bathroom! I laughed and took it as a compliment.

This happened today

[Jill F]

Someone asked my wife and I if we were "twinsies".

[Emjay]

My wife and I were out to lunch today, as we were finishing up the waitress asks:  "Are these together or separate?"  when asking about the bill.

This happens all the time now. 

[Stella Sophia]

Honestly I never pass physically, I am a linebacker in a dress.

My voice however is another thing. I work at a call center and when we do internal transfers it will show our name on the phone bar, for some reason my dead name keeps showing up. So I frequently get internal peers asking me if I logged in under the wrong name because "clearly I am not 'dead name'." It always makes me smile

[MaryXYX]

Not exactly passing but:

I've just come back from the local Baptist "coffee & cake".  The minister stopped to chat to me, I was telling him about being alone at Christmas and I wouldn't be seeing any of my family.  Then I said one of the local daughters invited me to Sunday dinner for a short while after I moved here, but stopped when she realised she wasn't going to see her father again.  He said "Well can't she see her father if she wants to?" - he had forgotten I used to be her father!

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

I was in North Face looking for a winter coat because those sales are amazing, and this woman comes up to me and goes "OHHH you're about the same size as my son, can you try this on?" and needless to say i internally had a small emotional breakdown from happiness.

also i'm way too chicken to brave the men's loo, so i get FIILTHY looks from women going into the women's toilet, especially when there's a long line.

[allisonsteph]

My kitchen sink backed up over the weekend, flooding the kitchen. When they repaired the clog, the maintenance guy not only cleaned up the mess created by the repairs, he cleaned my entire kitchen and washed my dishes that were sitting in the sink.

That never would have happened back when I was perceived as a guy.

[iKate]

I stood in the supermarket checkout line, when the cashier looked my way and said, "sir! I'm closed!"

I couldn't believe that I was misgendered/clocked! White as a ghost, I told the woman, "sir? What part of me is SIR?"

Then she said, "Ma'am, I was talking to the gentleman behind you."

Oops... lol

[Sydney_NYC]

I stood in the supermarket checkout line, when the cashier looked my way and said, "sir! I'm closed!"

I couldn't believe that I was misgendered/clocked! White as a ghost, I told the woman, "sir? What part of me is SIR?"

Then she said, "Ma'am, I was talking to the gentleman behind you."

Oops... lol

LOL, oops, I've almost made the same mistake a few times when I realized they were talking to the person next to me or behind me.

[MaryXYX]

Oops yes!  I haven't quite done that but I have been too sensitive.
Both of you look as if you should just blend into society.

[Rina]

Went out to have a glass of beer with an old friend recently.

Once we'd ordered and my friend went to fetch his wallet (or something - could've been his cell phone beeping), the bartender asked "is he paying for the both of you, or do you want me to split the bill?"

[Jill F]

You hear the following in the post office-

"Goddammit you fat ugly bitch, you took my f***ing parking spot."

Me: "That's funny, if it was yours, then why is my car in it?" *gives her the finger*

[Jill F]

I stood in the supermarket checkout line, when the cashier looked my way and said, "sir! I'm closed!"

I couldn't believe that I was misgendered/clocked! White as a ghost, I told the woman, "sir? What part of me is SIR?"

Then she said, "Ma'am, I was talking to the gentleman behind you."

Oops... lol

HAHAHAHAHA!!!  That's almost happened to me several times.  I love the "WTF!?" feeling, then you turn around and there's a dude there.

[Obfuskatie]

Went out to have a glass of beer with an old friend recently.

Once we'd ordered and my friend went to fetch his wallet (or something - could've been his cell phone beeping), the bartender asked "is he paying for the both of you, or do you want me to split the bill?"

Lol, I've gotten out of the habit of reaching for my wallet after dating for a while. Unless I'm really not attracted to my date...

My most recent confidence boosting moment was at a company party my boyfriend invited me to. A female friend of my boyfriend I met there, her husband and my BF and myself were talking for a while. They were really cool, and after getting to know each other, (let's call her J) J complimented me on my makeup as an aside saying she often felt uncomfortable with all the fancy pomp of the big parties and didn't really know how to get herself glammed up.
I was pretty unselfconscious after I had spent about a week assembling my outfit and look for that night. I honestly don't know if J knew I was trans or not, but nevertheless I could tell her compliment was genuine and it kind of floored me for a second. I almost immediately transitioned into talking about the parts of my makeup routine I had troubles with and how I went to have someone do my makeup for me and asked a lot of questions to get past it. But that one moment was a big deal for me, getting acknowledged for not only being attractive but good at doing my makeup by another woman.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rina]

Lol, I've gotten out of the habit of reaching for my wallet after dating for a while. Unless I'm really not attracted to my date...

It's kind of normal to split here (many women refuse to let the guy pay), but apparently it's uncommon for the girl to take the whole bill, since the option didn't even seem to occur to the bartender. Kind of entertaining since this was a long-time friend, and I don't date guys anyways. And when seeing friends, I'm used to sometimes paying their bill, and sometimes being paid for.

Anyway, even though we were going to split, my feminist side kinda took over and I told her "I'll take the whole bill, provided my credit card works". But turns out the pub in question didn't accept Diners, so my friend ended up paying after all... Oh the irony.

My most recent confidence boosting moment was at a company party my boyfriend invited me to. A female friend of my boyfriend I met there, her husband and my BF and myself were talking for a while. They were really cool, and after getting to know each other, (let's call her J) J complimented me on my makeup as an aside saying she often felt uncomfortable with all the fancy pomp of the big parties and didn't really know how to get herself glammed up.
I was pretty unselfconscious after I had spent about a week assembling my outfit and look for that night. I honestly don't know if J knew I was trans or not, but nevertheless I could tell her compliment was genuine and it kind of floored me for a second. I almost immediately transitioned into talking about the parts of my makeup routine I had troubles with and how I went to have someone do my makeup for me and asked a lot of questions to get past it. But that one moment was a big deal for me, getting acknowledged for not only being attractive but good at doing my makeup by another woman.

It's kind of nice when cis women start relating to you as a woman at parties, whether or not they are aware of your status. I went to a Christmas party with my martial arts club recently, and there were several encouraging moments. First, on our way from the restaurant to the afterparty, a group of drunk, misogynist guys walked by us and had a very loud discussion about women, seemingly centered on how hopeless we are not doing their every bidding. My instructor, who is a woman and have known me since before I started transitioning, gave me a sideways glance, rolled her eyes and smiled. I've noticed this on other occasions too, that women who have known me since before I transitioned, that I meet often, increasingly relate to me as a woman instinctively.

Later, at the afterparty, someone who were at our Christmas party two years ago (she's from another part of the country, so I haven't met her since) was there, and when we started speaking, she obviously didn't recognize me. She even introduced herself. I decided not to do the "I think we met two years ago" thing since I really wasn't in the mood for trans education, and it seems like she didn't clock me throughout the evening.

I kind of find these situations in parties a lot more encouraging than other situations like passing in stores, pharmacies, doctor's office and so on, since I tend to get slightly drunk at parties, and that means I also lose some voice control. I had a long period when sober me passed and drunk me just almost passed. But I guess over time, my voice is so used to speaking like I normally do (I can't even find my old voice back, when I tried once just for fun a friend of mine said it sounded unnatural, like I was forcing my voice down), that losing a bit control doesn't affect it as much.

[Obfuskatie]

I kind of find these situations in parties a lot more encouraging than other situations like passing in stores, pharmacies, doctor's office and so on, since I tend to get slightly drunk at parties, and that means I also lose some voice control. I had a long period when sober me passed and drunk me just almost passed. But I guess over time, my voice is so used to speaking like I normally do (I can't even find my old voice back, when I tried once just for fun a friend of mine said it sounded unnatural, like I was forcing my voice down), that losing a bit control doesn't affect it as much.

I'm seriously not used to my new lack of alcohol tolerance, after dropping some weight and a lot of muscle mass, so I totally know what you mean about getting a bit drunk at parties. I've found a somewhat similar thing with my own voice control, in that trying to talk lower hurts my throat. That being said, I still have my tenor vocal range, and when I don't think about it I can slip into the new bottom of my register that is a bit huskier than most women's.
There's also up talk and down talk, which has something to do with taking social cues and unconsciously modulating your voice in certain situations, and when we drink it can amplify the effect. I know I don't always sound super femme, especially when I'm talking to someone I'm out to, but I think most people take cues from my mannerisms, inflection and appearance more than tone. And I know I often use a higher and softer pitch and tone when I talk to my boyfriend than my mom.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

[Wynternight]

I stood in the supermarket checkout line, when the cashier looked my way and said, "sir! I'm closed!"

I couldn't believe that I was misgendered/clocked! White as a ghost, I told the woman, "sir? What part of me is SIR?"

Then she said, "Ma'am, I was talking to the gentleman behind you."

Oops... lol

Hah! That's great!

[anjaq]

I stood in the supermarket checkout line, when the cashier looked my way and said, "sir! I'm closed!"

I couldn't believe that I was misgendered/clocked! White as a ghost, I told the woman, "sir? What part of me is SIR?"

Then she said, "Ma'am, I was talking to the gentleman behind you."

Oops... lol

Thats hilarious, iKate
One becomes so overly sensitive to misgenderings at times that one mistakes these situations for something offensive.

I tend to get slightly drunk at parties, and that means I also lose some voice control.

That was sadly true for me as well for many years. It was not totally bad, but bad enough that I was occasionally asked what the problem is with my voice and twice I was asked if I was trans... It also happened when I was relaxed in other ways, not just alcohol induced. Thats why I eventually went to have VFS, I can just hope now that this will be better.