Finding Romance

[CybeleNV9751]

I am curious about how, or the best way, for a middle-aged preop MTF to find romance (not just sex) with a man.

I've never been into bar hopping or clubbing.  I'm also not really involved in any social milleu.  I've had dates with men
I met online, but they were only 1-time encounters for sex.  And I found far too many flakes on both Craiglist and a site
called Gay Friend Finder (online personals)  .

I see a lot of sites that say something like "Date ->-bleeped-<-s and ->-bleeped-<-s" but nothing about matching interests with someone
for a LTR.  And yet there must be non-trans men and women who would like a LTR with us.  But where are they?

Has anyone had success with the big dating sites like Match.com?  My impression is that they are not really set up to match
the transgendered, not even with each other.  But I may be wrong.   

[Maja.V]

I actually found my romance on some chatting platform called IMVU. I'm from Europe and he's from The US. The distance is very iffy, but we'll make it work long distance over different means of communication (cam, microphone, etc).

I wouldn't really peruse dating sites (the transsexual ones, at least) if I was trying to find someone to be with. They most often don't work, and plenty of times it's just people trying to find a sex partner.
Most nice guys are either too shy to message someone (especially if they deem the person beautiful), or they try to act cool and come across as ->-bleeped-<-s.

Your best bet would probably be setting up a nice profile on a regular dating site, and possibly disclosing your trans status. I had many people ask me what that even is, and had great chats with them afterwards.

I'd also try to find good matches and send them a message. The worst they can do is say "no", or type some slur or another. But just ignore it and move on.

[justmeinoz]

Are you in a position to join a few social or sporting clubs that cater for your interests?   Just a suggestion.
That way you can get to know people and vice-versa before you take things further.  They will be able to see you don't have two heads.  When or if you tell someone about your Trans status, it hopefully won't scare them off, because you will have become friends.

Happy hunting.

[CybeleNV9751]

Thank you both for your responses.  You've made some good suggestions.

[Tigger]

I meet my gf through a hobby that we shared, we became friends then our relatioship grew from friendship.
Down side is we were not able to work out some of the problems of long distance relationships. But we remain
good friends still.

[Tammy M]

you might try     www.tsdating.com
I was never on it but my boyfriend used it to meet girls there before we met, and I met him through a meetup group. Since he told me about it I checked it out and it looks legit but I dont know how good it is for girls, he had to pay for membership but I dont think we do.

[Renee D]

you might try     www.tsdating.com
I was never on it but my boyfriend used it to meet girls there before we met, and I met him through a meetup group. Since he told me about it I checked it out and it looks legit but I dont know how good it is for girls, he had to pay for membership but I dont think we do.

Considering how they refer to trans women and the little bit I could see on their home page, I would think it does nothing but provide for sex hookups.

[Rabbit]

Finding romance is a tricky one...

I mostly in the past have tried to just date online ... it just seems there aren't any really good guys around on those types of things.

So, now I'm basically just getting out more. Recently I have started to go out with girlfriends to bars (nice bars, like outdoor bars with food... not the smoke filled dim lit sleezy type).

Anyhow, fingers crossed

[ToriJo]

My wife and I met through a shared interest.  It's nice to already have something that you can do together, that you both enjoy.  It reduces some of the pressure.  We started as friends, grew closer, and eventually ended up married.  But I know plenty of people who have met through other means too, so I won't say anything negative about things like online dating and the like.

[Nikki59s~Girl]

I recently married a MTF and I was lucky enough to meet her through a friend of ours. I guess I was a lucky person to meet the love of my life. For everybody out there thats MTF or FTM please have faith in god and don't give up hope. There's somebody out there for everybody. Transgender people are amazing and are kindhearted. 

[Bexi]

The best way I've found is usually asking a friend or family member to set you up with someone they know. If the go-between doesn't hate you  , then they'll typically pick someone who they trust, think would complement your personality and won't be a waste of time. And also, you can gauge post-date reactions by just asking the middle party!

I know a lot of people who have went down this route and most of them have started serious relationships with their recommended partners. 

[ZeldaHeart]

Dating can be a really tricky thing for trans people.  Personally, I'd just go out to places where people who share your inerests are.  My mom is 58 and still gets chatted up by men at the grocery store and such.  If you're looking to go online, I'd definitely go on regular dating sites.  Men who want a LTR probably aren't looking specifically for trans people.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Date a transman?

Easy-peasy.

If you don't want to date a transman for whatever "reason", now you know why cis-men don't want to be with you.
Now live with it

[ZeldaHeart]

JoeyD, that's sort of an unfair thing to say.  Most guys (and most girls) don't want to date a transgender person right off the bat.  That probably includes transgender people.  However, if you met a guy who you thought was biologically male and then figured out he was a FTM you might be more open to the idea.  If a guy met a girl who he thought was biologically female and figured out she was a MTF and rejected her after finding out, even though he likes her a lot, it would be different than not wanting to date a trans person right off the bat.  What I mean is that most men don't go out looking for transwomen cause they're not interested in them, but it doesn't mean they'd break it off with a woman they figured out was trans after dating her for a while.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

JoeyD, that's sort of an unfair thing to say.  Most guys (and most girls) don't want to date a transgender person right off the bat.  That probably includes transgender people.  However, if you met a guy who you thought was biologically male and then figured out he was a FTM you might be more open to the idea.  If a guy met a girl who he thought was biologically female and figured out she was a MTF and rejected her after finding out, even though he likes her a lot, it would be different than not wanting to date a trans person right off the bat.  What I mean is that most men don't go out looking for transwomen cause they're not interested in them, but it doesn't mean they'd break it off with a woman they figured out was trans after dating her for a while.

No, it really isn't. lol.
It's annoying to hear you and others talk about finding a cisman when there's nothing wrong with a transman.

You might think its a serious issue.
but wanna know what I'm seeing?

"OH MY GAWD DIS GUY SAY HE DONT LUV MI CUZ I GOT A DICK.
WAT? DATE A TRANSMAN? EWWW NO DEY HAVE VAJAYJAYZ11!!1"

[cacasca]

haha ive been on a few romantic dates and ended up in a disaster >_<

[ZeldaHeart]

No, it really isn't. lol.
It's annoying to hear you and others talk about finding a cisman when there's nothing wrong with a transman.

You might think its a serious issue.
but wanna know what I'm seeing?

"OH MY GAWD DIS GUY SAY HE DONT LUV MI CUZ I GOT A DICK.
WAT? DATE A TRANSMAN? EWWW NO DEY HAVE VAJAYJAYZ11!!1"

I understand what you're saying.  It's not about finding a "cisman" though.  No one ever said that.  It's about finding a man.  If he happens to be trans, so what?  We're all talking about finding a man to date but not saying he can't be trans.  Unless you're asking why transwomen aren't looking specifically for transmen?

[justmeinoz]

I think we have pretty well sorted out the, "If a man loses his genitals in a car crash is he still a man?" question and concluded that Genitals have nothing to do with Gender.

Any man who is uncomfortable with your medical history is just as likely to dump you if you are diagnosed with cancer or similar, so not worth your time anyway.

Karen.

[CybeleNV9751]

I must have missed the beginning of the "transman" thread.  If by transman you mean a FTM, I myself wouldn't mind dating one.  I met such a person at a convention and I never would have guessed he was born female: he had a full beard, a very deep voice, and a strong handshake.  Very attractive to me.

But there is another type of man -- a type of cisman, if you will -- that turns me off.  Below is what I posted on another site asking why men date (or marry) transwomen.

"As a transgendered woman -- very pre-op, not even on hormones -- I agree with much of what the author says. I try to make myself as feminine and attractive to men as I can, since that is my orientation. But I'll tell you something that really bothers me. When I go out with a man, I want him to desire me as a woman -- even if I still have male genitalia. What I DON'T WANT is for the man I'm with to want me to be dominant and to penetrate him. First of all, it's difficult for me to do this with erectile dysfunction; and would be even more so if I was on hormones. Secondly, I am the one who wants to be penetrated. But I see so many ads in magazines and on sex sites showing 'she-males' (I HATE that word!) possessing huge breasts AND a huge penis! This apparently is many a man's fantasy: so that the woman can 'do' him. But that's not me."

[Joeyboo~ :3]

I understand what you're saying.  It's not about finding a "cisman" though.  No one ever said that.  It's about finding a man.  If he happens to be trans, so what?  We're all talking about finding a man to date but not saying he can't be trans.  Unless you're asking why transwomen aren't looking specifically for transmen?

And yet there must be non-trans men

mhm.