Am I the only one?

[Trixie]

Am I the only one here who's not planning on "transitioning" at all? The only one planning on living as the "wrong" gender? Because it's very, very hard, and I feel very alone in that I have these feelings but have not changed myself and do not plan to.

This website has been comfort for me, but it's still hard. I just wondered if there were others like me, who could relate. That would mean a lot to me, for some reason.

[Beth Andrea]

"You must do what you think is right, of course."

--Obi-Wan Kenobi

Some of us transition "all the way"...others, for whatever reason, don't. We all make choices as to how far we want to go--or how far we don't want to go.

They're all good choices for the person involved; we want the best for ourselves.

*hugs* for you.

[Constance]

Trixie,

You aren't the only person here who doesn't intend to transition. There's Non-op board under Transsexual talk. It looks like there hasn't been much activity there recently, but if you were to a start a thread there that could help liven things up. And, you'd get a chance to communicate with others here in similar situations.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Trixie

That's for you. Thanks for putting your heart out there for everyone to feel. I'm sure there are plenty here just like you, and as Connie Anne said, there's even a special place for you.

Irrespective of what happens, know that you are special and always loved here.

Hope you can find some kindred spirits here. In the meantime, keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Michelle G]

Trixie,
there is nothing in this world I would like more than to fully transition into the beautiful girl I want the world to see     However! due to the nature of the business I own which is SO male dominated as an industry it would be an economical disaster that I could not afford in this stage of my life...so, I at least have my internal piece of mind and can be the "real me" at home with my wonderful S.O. and hopefully can meet some like minded friends where I can outwardly express my girlish side in "3D"

the real key is how "you" feel inside, it can be very tough at times, trust me I know....best of luck sweetie!!

[Trixie]

Thank you everyone. Your responses mean a lot to me. <3

Trixie,

You aren't the only person here who doesn't intend to transition. There's Non-op board under Transsexual talk. It looks like there hasn't been much activity there recently, but if you were to a start a thread there that could help liven things up. And, you'd get a chance to communicate with others here in similar situations.

I always thought non-op meant not having surgery, but still having HRT.

Trixie,
there is nothing in this world I would like more than to fully transition into the beautiful girl I want the world to see     However! due to the nature of the business I own which is SO male dominated as an industry it would be an economical disaster that I could not afford in this stage of my life...so, I at least have my internal piece of mind and can be the "real me" at home with my wonderful S.O. and hopefully can meet some like minded friends where I can outwardly express my girlish side in "3D"

the real key is how "you" feel inside, it can be very tough at times, trust me I know....best of luck sweetie!!

I have some "internal peace of mind" as well. If I think that "I'm a woman, it doesn't matter what others think or how they perceive me", then I feel a bit better. I, of course, would like to be perceived as female, be pretty, be accepted as a girl, but that's not in the cards for me and I have to deal with that in my own ways. I do have my ways. Sometimes I'm bothered by it, other times I'm okay.

[Elasmotraxx]

I transitioned everywhere but in my head.

The bigger one.

[Constance]

"Non-op" can mean various things to various persons.

For some, it is forgoing surgery but undergoing HRT. For others, it might be forgoing both and using other means (clothing, haristyling, makeup) to express themselves. And, there are those who forgo anything to do with transition and seek to address their dysphoria in other ways.

[Elasmotraxx]

"Non-op" can mean various things to various persons.

For some, it is forgoing surgery but undergoing HRT. For others, it might be forgoing both and using other means (clothing, haristyling, makeup) to express themselves. And, there are those who forgo anything to do with transition and seek to address their dysphoria in other ways.

Does that apply to drag queen transgender performers too or ones who have a gay male connections? Me thinks not.

[justmeinoz]

I have a good friend who decided that instead of changing his body, he would change society instead and is now a well regarded Trans activist, counsellor and role model.
Whatever you need to do is okay with me.

Karen.

[Trixie]

I'll admit, I get jealous of transitioning/transitioned trans people, especially those with supportive families. I hope I'll return to being okay soon. I usually do. Right now I'm feeling bad about my gender troubles though.

[JoanneB]

 

The only one planning on living as the "wrong" gender? Because it's very, very hard, and I feel very alone in that I have these feelings but have not changed myself and do not plan to.

I am not sure what your "very very hard" is referring to.

I never had plans to transition and still don't. I tried twice before in my early 20's and decided to run with "normal". While continuing to fake being a guy was going to be very hard, it still seemed a world easier than the alternative of transitioning. It worked out pretty good for 30+ years. The past 2-3 years have been extremely difficult generally speaking in my life. I have reexamined a great deal of mine and all the past mistakes. "Stuffing" might not have been the best way to get by.

I stopped the stuffing, found a fantastic TG group and got more in touch with my true self. As she gets out more and more in the real world, taking off the nail polish Sunday nights gets ever more difficult each passing week. A wife and career has always been the big reality check for me. The alternate reality checks I've been living also tell me what may be possible. Just those minor details of loosing a job and possibly a wife bring me back.

Non-transitioning is still the plan. It is becoming more and more difficult to to view that as an absolute it used to be.

[Shang]

I don't have any plans on transitioning.  This is partially because I am able to deal with my dysphoria in other ways (writing, dressing the way I want to, etc.) and partially because I really want to teach soon and starting HRT will hamper that.  My urge to teach overwhelms my urge to transition in any way and I'm scared transitioning is going to prevent me from being able to teach.

[Trixie]

I am not sure what your "very very hard" is referring to.

I never had plans to transition and still don't. I tried twice before in my early 20's and decided to run with "normal". While continuing to fake being a guy was going to be very hard, it still seemed a world easier than the alternative of transitioning. It worked out pretty good for 30+ years. The past 2-3 years have been extremely difficult generally speaking in my life. I have reexamined a great deal of mine and all the past mistakes. "Stuffing" might not have been the best way to get by.

I stopped the stuffing, found a fantastic TG group and got more in touch with my true self. As she gets out more and more in the real world, taking off the nail polish Sunday nights gets ever more difficult each passing week. A wife and career has always been the big reality check for me. The alternate reality checks I've been living also tell me what may be possible. Just those minor details of loosing a job and possibly a wife bring me back.

Non-transitioning is still the plan. It is becoming more and more difficult to to view that as an absolute it used to be.

If your avatar is you, I'm confused... you look female to me.

If by not transitioning, you mean you didn't have surgery or HRT, then I guess I understand, but when I say I'm not going to transition, I mean that I will live as a guy. No cross-dressing, no asking people to call me "she", no nothing. Just a dude...

I don't have any plans on transitioning.  This is partially because I am able to deal with my dysphoria in other ways (writing, dressing the way I want to, etc.) and partially because I really want to teach soon and starting HRT will hamper that.  My urge to teach overwhelms my urge to transition in any way and I'm scared transitioning is going to prevent me from being able to teach.

My fear and the inevitable consequences of coming out, transitioning etc. are what keeps me it. Especially social consequences, rejection, hate etc.

[Constance]

Not all transitions result in rejection. True, I am divorced and it's because I'm trans and my ex-wife is extremely straight. But, she doesn't hate me.

So far, I've had a remarkably easy transition. I'll not say that it's been static-free. But most of the unpleasantness has been fleeting.

But, that's only my experience.

San Mateo isn't as liberal as San Francisco can be, but it's still in the SF Bay Area. Are you in an area where being out could be less than safe? Do you have friends and family who aren't trans-friendly? What leads you to feel that you would face rejection and hate? Are there specific people?

[Trixie]

While I do live in a liberal area, I know my family would not be accepting. I don't want to lose them.

[Juliet]

Am I the only one here who's not planning on "transitioning" at all? The only one planning on living as the "wrong" gender? Because it's very, very hard, and I feel very alone in that I have these feelings but have not changed myself and do not plan to.

This website has been comfort for me, but it's still hard. I just wondered if there were others like me, who could relate. That would mean a lot to me, for some reason.

I'm one of the few who do not plan on transitioning at all- and not for any reason other than the fact that I just don't care enough.  I feel that maybe I was "supposed to have been" born a boy- but I was born a girl, felt like a boy and had the gender dysphoria and everything throughout my entire childhood, as a teenager I realized I look attractive as a girl because of the facial features I was born with and my petite body type, so then I started being girly which was fun cause I was pretty, then after my teen years I stopped caring so much about looks and now at 27 I just act however I want without ever considering genders and wear whatever I find on the floor when I wake up each afternoon.
I'm also a strange person and I do things differently than everyone else in basically every aspect of my life (not intentionally) so having my inside not really match my outside is just another part of who I am.  Hope this helps

[Felix]

Insideontheoutside isn't transitioning. He posts in ftm forums mostly but you could try looking him up.

[JoanneB]

If by not transitioning, you mean you didn't have surgery or HRT, then I guess I understand, but when I say I'm not going to transition, I mean that I will live as a guy. No cross-dressing, no asking people to call me "she", no nothing. Just a dude...

My fear and the inevitable consequences of coming out, transitioning etc. are what keeps me it. Especially social consequences, rejection, hate etc.

I relinquish my crown as Queen of Self Denial and First Lady of Delayed Gratification to you.

Without the occasional cross-dressing I allowed myself all my life, I don't know how I might have gotten by. No matter how hard I wanted to be "Normal", especially in the aftermath of my life turning to crap as a result of me being trans, I not once did a purge. The closest ever is just packing stuff away which lasted only a few months.

I cannot imagine anything harder than "Just a dude"

[Johnv]

Reading your posts and seeing the different levels dysphoria that exist gave me an epiphony of sorts. I had never thought to break gender into its two parts and then  consider each on its own. Doing so allows me to relate each to my always comforting bell shaped curve.  I wonder,  if the parts of gender could be quantified, it would be possible to derermine how much opposition an average person could tolerate?  As much as giving numerical gender ratings for body and soul is impossible,  the perspective works for my concrete thinking brain.  Is it reasonable to ignore physical gender and then think of mental gender like a scale with very feminine on one end, and very masculine on the other? Or is this an over simplification that doesn't  work in the real world?