advice on a so-called friend?

[go..ogle]

I know a person who knew me before I started transitioning. This person once said they were trans though they always dress in a feminine way, and enjoy receiving compliments about their feminine figure. This person even goes to great lengths to get attention for their female secondary sex characteristics.

This person always refers to themselves as a girl, woman, things like that - terms a male identified person probably wouldn't use to describe themselves.
Today this person brought up their trans feelings.

They then "jokingly" commented on "[my] pathetic attempt to appear male."
This person used female pronouns& looked nutty because EVERYONE reads me as male nowadays. I felt like cussing this person out because I've come very far& find nothing "pathetic" about my impressive progress. I'm not making an "attempt," I'm male and people finally see that.

A few days ago this person asked which bathroom I was "trying to use" in a very loud voice, causing people to look at us in a food place. I've been using the men's room for some time...

I feel like that was uncalled for. If you seen me... any sane person would know I'm male identified& therefore would naturally use the men's room.

I don't know if this person is jealous or what exactly is going on.
I'm not sure what to even say, I don't want to upset them by being upset. I might just cut this person from my life I don't know what to do. My patience is running thin with this person. I can only be so understanding of whatever the heck this person is feeling/going through.

[fatalerror]

Wow, it does sound like some kind of personal problem. I would be wary of keeping a friendship with someone who is constantly trying to out you. It could be dangerous in the wrong situation. Have you asked them why they keep saying these things and won't accept you as you are? Their actions on gender seem highly contradictory and confusing, it is possible that they are just uncomfortable with themselves, unhappy, or like you said, jealous.

[Darrin Scott]

Sounds like your friend might be upset about the fact that you are transitioning and they are not or are unable to. I feel like it takes courage to transition.

[go..ogle]

Honestly guys, I sometimes think this person doesn't take trans issues seriously. As I said this person will loosely thro the word around to apply to themselves& then acts the way they do w/me..

I haven't sat this person down& asked this person why they behave this way.
Usually when this behavior starts up I look at the person like they're ridiculous or that I'm confused when they become loud about bathrooms or w/female pronouns.

The reason I have yet to directly speak to this person about this is because they have a tendency to become very dramatic. I'm leary this person will claim I don't "understand" them. In the event they say that I'm not sure what my response will be. I've had it w/the dramatics. But I'll go ahead and take caution in spending time w/this person. I don't need anything to become dangerous w/anyone who overhears as fatalerror mentioned.

I'm just very annoyed as it's difficult to make sense of this person's behavior.

[Kyyn]

Sounds like this person has some serious attention issues.

Have you taken attention away from her in anyway? Maybe she's angry that you've become your true self when she though it was just a trend?
She doesn't sound very intelligent... will it be such a huge loss to avoid her until she gets over this little hissy fit?


Good luck

[go..ogle]

I think the reason I still speak w/this person is b/c I know something weird is going on w/them& just tell myself to endure it because I may be the only one this person has& I've been alone before, I know how that feels; I don't want anyone to have to feel friendless or anything.

But after reading everyone's comments& after discussing her w/my partner I think I'm going to have to put myself first& place SIGNIFICANT distance between this person& myself for my own happiness; I don't have to be responsible for this person's happiness.
I don't think that would be being selfish, just practical.

Next time this person wants to spend time I'll just say I'm busy.

Kyyn: I don't spend TONS of time w/this person but when I do it's emotionally exhausting. Maybe this person is just used to having the entire spot light on them& even just seeing change in me takes it from away, maybe? I don't know. I'm definitely going to avoid for now.

[justmeinoz]

Why bother to have a battle of wits with a poorly armed opponent?  If they are as messed up as you say they are, I'd let them know you think "they are f***** d in the head", and that you don't want to be around them any more.
You may have to be that blunt to get the message through, if they have acted as you have said. Perhaps even in front of a good friend who agrees.

Be thankful you didn't end up in a relationship with someone like that. It's no fun.

Karen.

[go..ogle]

Yeah I'm definitely thankful that this person isn't someone HUGE in my life such as a romantic partner - HELL NO, NEVER.

I suppose the beauty of the situation is I can just walk away. Like I said earlier I never did b/c I was afraid of looking like a "bad friend" or w/e.

Not anymore.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm feeling confident in my stand in putting distance between the two of us now; not going to put myself through the wringer for this individual.

[fatalerror]

Glad you're not letting this person bring you down. It may be true that they need help, but you have to do what you need to for your own well-being, none of us need someone like that dragging us down all the time.

[Felix]

I have a "friend" like that too. I try to avoid him, but he seems to have issues and I don't want to be cruel when I do see him. If I let him spend any time around me it's exhausting and I'm sometimes testy into the next day, which isn't fair to everyone else. I'm still learning how to be civil but also keep my space from him.

I would do what it takes to stay away from your friend for awhile. They might just need some time to accept your transition.

[Natkat]

wow, if I was you I would go straight to ask what there problem was,
you say you been out to them, so it not like its anything new? and its certainly them having a problem and not behaving like they should, for whatever reason they might have.

friends are to make you feel better, not to make you feel worse..

[wheat thins are delicious]

I would tell them to cut it out and if they didn't I would ditch them as a "friend"