money&security or my soul?...REALLY?

[bballshorty]

I really wanted to come out to my mom this summer, but I realized that would put my whole financial future into jeopardy...so...I'm not T.T I'm going to have to push transitioning back a few years until I can at least get most of undergrad done and support myself better (18 atm, just finished first year college). I'm so frustrated right now I can cry. Just when I think I can finally let myself free and have the will to live again, I am forced to can myself in for a few years...maybe even longer =.=

I know the world's not fair, but this is just evil...making us choose between being able to be true to ourselves and starve/have no place to live, or die more on the inside to give myself an easier financial future.

[Cindy]

I do know that it seems an impossible goal but we just have to keep chipping away. Start making small changes to keep yourself comfortable inside.  And practice mannerisms speech patterns etc of your true gender. You don't indicate whether you are male or female so I can't suggest a few examples. But study people who are your true gender and learn how they act and present and practice. It will really help in the long run.

Cindy

[bballshorty]

haha thanks. I'm a ftm and I can say that I'm already so boyish that my mom thinks I'm a les. I sit with my legs open and refuse to wear anything other than t-shirt and a jacket...although this isn't doing me much good especially when I'm trying to get a job.

[justmeinoz]

As Cindy says, you can use the time at college to observe the adolescent male in it's natural habitat,  study it's behaviour,  and learn all there is to know about this bizarre creature.
I can assure you that it's antics will amaze you at times.
Eventually you will, like a tribal shaman, be able to transform yourself into this beast at will, perhaps even taking on it's form permanently. 

Seriously though, it is worth taking the time to study guys to pick up all the little cues that will make the difference.  I spent nearly a year carefully watching and listenting to the women I worked with prior to going full time.  It seems to have been worth it.

Karen.

[Hikari]

I understand your frustration totally. Finances have been the single most difficult element of transition so far for me, at least look on the bright side if you can get a degree you can probably make the money to go wherever you want with your transition.

I know that isn't much comfort. But, I am sure there are plenty of other useful things you can do with this extra time. In any case good luck.