Misgendered...again....

[Nygeel]

One year, five months on T. I felt pretty good today, went out with my little brother to get him some food since my mom wanted him to get out of the house. Went to a 7-11, wore an awesome in season check shirt, bound my chest really nice, wore jeans that fit....go to pay for his drink, and I did speak. The cashier misgendered me a few times, as did the other employee.

Here's a my reaction in gif form:

[King Malachite]

Sorry to hear that Nygeel.  I thought the facial hair would help.

[Adio]

Ugh.  I wish I knew what to say besides I'm sorry this keeps happening to you.  I watched your recent vid (and voted as well) and I don't see why this is continuing.  The only thing I can think of is some inflections in your voice sound a little feminine.  But I know you aren't going for the typical masculine presentation anyway, so I don't really consider that.  I suppose other people who don't know you might.

Do you correct people when they misgender you?  A quick "I'm a guy" can usually, hopefully end the "she"s and "her"s. 

[Nygeel]

Ugh.  I wish I knew what to say besides I'm sorry this keeps happening to you.  I watched your recent vid (and voted as well) and I don't see why this is continuing.  The only thing I can think of is some inflections in your voice sound a little feminine.  But I know you aren't going for the typical masculine presentation anyway, so I don't really consider that.  I suppose other people who don't know you might.

Do you correct people when they misgender you?  A quick "I'm a guy" can usually, hopefully end the "she"s and "her"s.

I generally don't correct people if they are people I don't think I'll see again, or that I'll see so rarely that I don't feel they will remember me. Or if I'm in a potentially dangerous position.

[Adio]

I generally don't correct people if they are people I don't think I'll see again, or that I'll see so rarely that I don't feel they will remember me. Or if I'm in a potentially dangerous position.

Understood.  I do the same when people assume I'm straight.  If they are some random person, I don't bother with it.  Or if I think it would be dangerous to come out, I don't say anything either.  Not quite the same, but I still get what you're saying.

[supremecatoverlord]

I would correct them.
That's what I think most cis-guys would do, even if they weren't going to see the person again.

[MacKenzie]

I would correct them.
That's what I think most cis-guys would do, even if they weren't going to see the person again.

Yeah you should have been like "Umm...i'm a dude" 

[driven]

I may get ripped by some of the younger guys for saying this, but I'm guessing it's the earrings (and to a lesser extent, the glasses) that are getting you misgendered so much. I'm not saying you should change your style just to pass better. It's just that most people who see earrings are going to automatically think "girl" before re-evaluating that first impression based on your other characteristics.

[supremecatoverlord]

I may get ripped by some of the younger guys for saying this, but I'm guessing it's the earrings (and to a lesser extent, the glasses) that are getting you misgendered so much.

I also have glasses and plugs; I've yet to be misgendered by a stranger.
My hair is also a lot longer than Nygeel's right now.
Honestly, I think there is a lot more to his problem than that.
Sadly, I'm not entirely sure what the main source of his problem is though.

[KamTheMan]

That sucks bro. It's obviously either a height or hips problem, because your vids and pics are 100% male. The second you open your voice they should be apologizing like crazy, so I don't get it. I'd throw a simple "I'm a dude." out there. Maybe a comment about your height and make people feel like asses for it because you're a guy. You look like a guy and people should refer to you as such, I think that's more safe than anything.

It's not gonna be like, "Hello ma'am!" "I'm a dude." "Oh my gosh you're one of those transgenders!" (and if it was) "No I'm short you ->-bleeped-<-ing weirdo." "OMG I'm so sorry what can I get you for free before you get the manager and I get fired!"

It's just, "I'm a dude." and they'll get red and be embarrassed.

[Nygeel]

I don't think it's hips. And they're plugs, not earrings. D: you can see through my ear. I can't not wear glasses (contacts are weird) and...idk, I think they match me. It's like Sally Jesse Raphael with her red frames. Correcting strangers is a new concept for me. It's also scary as hell. I'm still in a position where I'm not using the men's room because of how often I'm misread.
When I'm out with supportive friends it's easier. My friends do the correcting for me and it makes me feel warm happiness through my body.

[insideontheoutside]

When I'm out with supportive friends it's easier. My friends do the correcting for me and it makes me feel warm happiness through my body.

This is good ^. I was out with a friend a couple weeks ago and we were leaving the restaurant and one of the greeters said, "Have a good night ladies" and my friend turned around and said, "he's no lady!" and laughed lol.

Even though I'm only in "guy mode" with certain friends or in places where no one knows who I am, I still get misgendered. One of my friends pointed out that it seems a lot of people will error on the side of female, because they feel a female being mistaken for a male would be more offensive to them. As to what the big tip offs are, if I had balls I'd actually ask people, "what makes you think I'm female?" just to see what they say!

[Keaira]

I think part of the problem is that there are so many women who are cutting their hair short, and or smoke, look rough or like a butch lesbian that it's getting harder to identify men from women or vise versa. If you live in an area where there's a lot of Butch-looking women then that's going to make a shopkeeper really look at you too.
To me, you look fine. Just a regular guy. How's your body language or your walk? something is getting you clocked and your friends might be able to see what it is.

EDIT:

I had my wife take a look at your photo. She say's it's your facial shape. You have  what they call a 'baby face'. So it makes you look like an adolescent teen or a woman. She suggested some different glasses and a different hair style.

I hope that may be of some help to you.

[KamTheMan]

i think if one more person tells Nygeel to change his hair and/or glasses he's going to flip the f out. it's not him or his features, it's society. i guess the only thing that will do it is copious amounts of facial hair, so you unfortunately have to play the waiting game.

[Nygeel]

I think my current hair style is maybe the 40th on I've had since coming out/presenting as male. When picking out my glasses it took me maybe 2 hours to set myself on those frames. Dead. Serious. When I had the Pompadour my glasses looked fantastic with the style. I sort of think that I'd be seen as male more if I fem'd it up a bit. I mean, masculine women (in theory) would avoid walking like Peggy Bundy. It might soon be time to cover myself in glitter.

Anyways...not much can be done about my face. I kind of like my face. But uh...if somebody says lose weight I will be not happy. Lost like 45 lbs and don't intend on losing more (it doesn't seem like a legitimate variable).

Should I get a Brian Wilson beard or a Rollie Fingers moustache?

[KamTheMan]

I sort of think that I'd be seen as male more if I fem'd it up a bit. I mean, masculine women (in theory) would avoid walking like Peggy Bundy. It might soon be time to cover myself in glitter.

you might be right. why not try it out somewhere? aim to be seen as a femme gay man and see what happens.

[Jayr]

I might sound silly for this but...have you gotten you T levels checked?
Maybe somethings off. I don't know.

I would correct them.
That's what I think most cis-guys would do, even if they weren't going to see the person again.

This.

[Keaira]

i think if one more person tells Nygeel to change his hair and/or glasses he's going to flip the f out. it's not him or his features, it's society. i guess the only thing that will do it is copious amounts of facial hair, so you unfortunately have to play the waiting game.

I didn't invent the rules of the game. But something is getting him misgendered.
If I want to pass as female, I have to do everything I can to walk, talk, look and just be a woman. But demanding that society changes or waiting for that day isn't going to get me anywhere. If you wanted to convey that you were a die-hard punk rock fan, you wouldn't emulate Justin Bieber!  I'm not saying he isn't trying. It may be he needs to go though a process of elimination.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything but what if he's one of these unlucky guys who barely gets any peach fuzz?  T is just another tool in the toolbox, same with Estrogen.  I know guys who barely have to shave and some who look like Hagrid. And I didn't even grow any facial hair until I was in my 20's!

I mean would you believe I was a woman if I looked like this and told you I was one? (extreme example)


Just make-up?


If I look like this then I have a good chance.



I've grown my hair out, changed my glasses I wear make-up... the whole 9 yards but I still have visible facial hair. I can't cover it because the heat gets so intense at work my face would look like it's melting.

I walked into Subway today and the cashier said "What can I get you Ma'am?" She based my gender on all the visual cues presented. If you say it's because of my boob's you'd be wrong. Because i was wearing a baggy fleece jacket that was partly zipped up, and I was in my work uniform.

I believe in Nygeel! Just in the few posts of his I have read I think he's a great guy and I want to see him finally post one day: IT'S BEEN X AMOUNT OF TIME AND I HAVEN'T BEEN MISGENDERED!

Nygeel, if you're happy with your hair, try wearing a baseball cap see how it goes. and ask your friends too. they are there in real time and able to take notes and give suggestions.

[Adio]

@Keaira:  It might not be my place to say, but I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to change things.  Nygeel has changed things, many times over.  I can't even count the number of different hairstyles I've seen in the "Do I Pass?" thread.  I think 40th time as he said is likely very close lol

@Nygeel:  You probably don't care much about what I think, but I see you as a guy.  To be honest, I didn't always view your presentation that way.  But over time, you have appeared more and more male to me.  It makes me angry that other people can't see you for whom you really are.  I liked your pomp.  Kind of wish you had stuck with it, but you should do what makes you happy.  Too many unhappy people in this world.

[Nygeel]

My thing is that I've been presenting as male as much as possible for maybe 7 or 8 years now. I've gone to my comfort limit in search of ways to present to make me get seen as male. Some of these things have included shaving my head, not apologizing, wearing excessively big clothing, losing weight, walking like a cave man, always having a furrowed brow, clenching my jaw constantly, going over my eyebrows with pencils, talking negatively about women, not being around transgender friends, answering questions with grunts, and watch more sports.

Most of those were things I was uncomfortable with because of personal morals and not wanting to lose who I am. I like dressing fancy, hate wearing caps (they go with nothing I own now and cover my fantastic hairline). I like having color in my voice when I talk. I like that I squeek and jump up and down when I'm really excited. I like my big round hairy belly...it's fun to cuddle when I sleep. I like wearing bright colors and strange patterns. I like how fantastic I look sporting a pompadour. I'm starting to get to a place where I like who I am. It seems disingenuous to try to behave in a way I'm not comfortable with.

Why can't I love punk and not feel ashamed to sing along to Justin Bieber?  Looking at your pictures I believe you look like a woman in all of them. And that unless those are reading glasses you should probably get ones that are shorter from ear to rim.
Why can't I be a punk fan while.singing