Misgendered...again....

[Keaira]

@Adio,  I think his friends that he hangs out with are in the best position to help. we're limited to digital media. Like I said, I think he passes fine. I like his look too! I just think we're missing something because of our limited ability to see him in his element.

Nygeel, I would like to hear some punk rock Justin Beiber. that would be interesting. Like death metal Ice Ice Baby. and no, like you I have to wear glasses all the time. and I dont mind at all. Make's me look smarter than I really am. And if you see a woman in the first 2 pictures then you see me better than the general public ever did. 

Unfortunately I'm about to fall asleep. You seem like a fun guy to hang out with. Quite the opposite of the guys around here. I look forward to continuing this again.  And you don't have to match hats to your outfit.

[Nygeel]

Friends have no idea how people see me as female...which (IMO) means they see me completely as male without any question.

I see a woman because I take what people say about their gender at face value. If you had a full beard and said you're a woman then you are.

[Jayr]

I see a woman because I take what people say about their gender at face value. If you had a full beard and said you're a woman then you are.

Lol. The world doesn't think like that.

[Nygeel]

Lol. The world doesn't think like that.

I'm not the world.

[Jayr]

What I mean is people don't think that way.
Just like Kearia said ''demanding that society changes or waiting for that day isn't going to get me anywhere.''
 
Sometimes it's either you act yourself and not pass, or you act differently and pass.
That's a personal preference.

Your picture passes to me. Completely. Yes you have a baby face but I still think you pass.
Which makes me think it's your manners that stop you from passing.

[Squirrel698]

It has to be something the picture doesn't show Nygeel.  To my eyes you look fine.  Of course my brain is programed to see you as male after knowing you for 1+ years on this forum.  So that could be a contributing factor in my evaluation.  A beard will help but nothing short of lumberjack will be hundred percent I don't think.  It's more then the way we look, it's in the way we act.  Projecting as a man, always confident and in-control even if he doesn't feel it, is hard and draining work.  However that's what people expect to see.

I was misgendered myself, recently.  I was buying training pants for my daughter at Babies R Us.  When I asked for help locating them I was given the floor manager.  She was rushed out of her head dealing with her teenage work staff.  She rushed me to the corner and called me Ma'am.  It was so unexpected I almost laughed honestly.  When I answered her in a deep voice it was her turn to look shocked.  Then she took a closer look, saw the beard and got even more flustered but didn't apologize.  Honestly I wasn't all that bothered about it and had forgotten about it before your post reminded me.  There was plenty of contributing factors.  It was probably feminine of me to even ask where the damn things were.

Of all the places I go where I get confused looks the most is Babies R' Us.  Apparently men don't buy diapers.  Even though I see other father's there all the time.     

[supremecatoverlord]

No ->-bleeped-<- Sherlock.

What I mean is people don't think that way.
Just like Kearia said ''demanding that society changes or waiting for that day isn't going to get me anywhere.''
 
Sometimes it's either you act yourself and not pass, or you act differently and pass.
That's a personal preference.

Your picture passes to me. Completely. Yes you have a baby face but I still think you pass.
Which makes me think it's your manners that stop you from passing.

His profile picture is really old, Jayr. I sort of wonder why he hasn't changed it yet, because it isn't a very good representation of how he currently looks.

I do agree with everything you're saying though and also how Nygeel's outlook is a little unrealistic.
He can think whatever way he wants to, but the truth of the matter is most people don't think that way and therefore may find it hard to truly understand his way of thinking.

[Nygeel]

What I mean is people don't think that way.
Just like Kearia said ''demanding that society changes or waiting for that day isn't going to get me anywhere.''
 
Sometimes it's either you act yourself and not pass, or you act differently and pass.
That's a personal preference.

Your picture passes to me. Completely. Yes you have a baby face but I still think you pass.
Which makes me think it's your manners that stop you from passing.

I've done both (acting completely differently, as myself, and some middle way). It just hasn't happened to me yet. I've changed my mannerisms as much as I can but either way, doesn't happen.

Eventually I will be seen as male. I might need to grow out a Brian Wilson beard but it'll happen.

[Nygeel]

Of all the places I go where I get confused looks the most is Babies R' Us.  Apparently men don't buy diapers.  Even though I see other father's there all the time.     

I used to work (Sort of) at a Babies R Us...I liked working with the kids more than the parents. For me, I usually don't get seen as male.

[Jayr]

I'm just throwing ideas out there.

But a month ago I had plugs. Tunnels. Whenever I was mis gendered, I would correct them, and often they would say ''Oh sorry, it's cause of the earrings.'' I know they aren't earrings but people didn't seem to get that. So last month I dropped my stretches.

I'm pre-T by the way.

[Darrin Scott]

Funny. I have plugs and maybe I should drop them. I just don't want them to close up. Although, I'm being misgendered less and less now.

[Zerro]

When I look at you from the neck down, I see a pretty average dude. I don't think it's the plugs or glasses, those are styles I've seen quite often. The hair isn't the problem, but I think it's your hair line that makes me hesitate and see a possible female? That's one thing that can't really be changed overnight though, I dunno. Your hair line looks masculine in your profile picture, but from that front angle, it looks a bit feminine. I've not heard you speak, but yeah...I'm sorry people keep misgendering you though. It sucks like hell. :/

[Jayr]

Darrin if you're passing more and more, I'd say keep them!

It's just some people can't pull them off, like me right now xD

[Nygeel]

HAIRLINE COMPARISON!

[emil]

Sucks how this still happens to you. In the video you posted a few weeks back i thought you passed just fine, especially voice- and mannerism-wise.
The one thing that strikes me about the current full-body photo you posted is that your clothing style doesn't completely match up with your glasses, plugs and hairstyle. Depending on where you live, i could totally see longer hair and a more daring outfit work with the plugs and glasses....or else your current clothing style with some uber-male glasses (square + metal frames) and no plugs.

(When doing a google search on guy with plugs, most of their styles are quite consistent - skinny jeans and tees, longer hair etc.)
Other than that, I'm clueless....especially since your voice passes so well.

[Nygeel]

Here are some guys with plugs that are pretty darn dapper looking (how I would like to dress).



The jeans I'm wearing are (Surprisingly) skinny jeans...or maybe they're just a slim cut. Skinny jeans don't look right on me as a chubby guy.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Funny. I have plugs and maybe I should drop them. I just don't want them to close up. Although, I'm being misgendered less and less now.

I say keep them.  I find plain stainless steel tunnels are the most simple and masculine looking and I've never gotten misgendered with my plugs being mentioned as the reason.

[Jayr]

v_v

I didn't say plugs were bad.
I said some of us can't pull them off.

Geez you guys don't have to invalidate what I say.

What ticks me off the most is that you, Nygeel, are complaining about not passing but when someone gives you tips you put them off. Guess what, those guys in the pictures are most likely cis and if not, T was freaking kind to them. You don't have that privileged. Why put chips against yourself? Like seriously, you wanna pass, put all the chips on your side.

[Nygeel]

v_v

I didn't say plugs were bad.
I said some of us can't pull them off.

Geez you guys don't have to invalidate what I say.

What ticks me off the most is that you, Nygeel, are complaining about not passing but when someone gives you tips you put them off. Guess what, those guys in the pictures are most likely cis and if not, T was freaking kind to them. You don't have that privileged. Why put chips against yourself? Like seriously, you wanna pass, put all the chips on your side.

I'm frustrated with being seen as female constantly. It is frustrating. I never asked for tips on how to pass (although that's what these threads often turn into), just wanted to vent about a situation that happened.

What chips? Look, here's the situation...I got bad genes or something where I have great difficulty being seen as male. I already wrote some of the things people have told me will help, and for me the things that I've had done haven't really made a difference.

It's a matter of effort vs result...currently I've maxed out my effort with no result so I'm currently at a point where I'm just going to try to do what I feel is right for who I am. Finding what I feel is what I can do to make people see me as me while still maintaining who I am...finding that balance between being a completely different person and fitting all sorts of stereotypes and being myself.

[wheat thins are delicious]

v_v

I didn't say plugs were bad.
I said some of us can't pull them off.

Geez you guys don't have to invalidate what I say.

What ticks me off the most is that you, Nygeel, are complaining about not passing but when someone gives you tips you put them off. Guess what, those guys in the pictures are most likely cis and if not, T was freaking kind to them. You don't have that privileged. Why put chips against yourself? Like seriously, you wanna pass, put all the chips on your side.

Why are you being so hostile?  No one is invalidating you, we are simply discussing our experiences in regards to our plugs. 

Also I don't think Nygeel came here for advice, just to vent.