I need to say this

[Beverley]

This will probably be deleted or locked very shortly, but I need to say it.

Just a few months ago this was a great place and I spent too many hours on it each day. Recently it has gone downhill. No matter what the subject is the same half-dozen people turn up and start arguing with each other and making everything personal and then a slanging match starts and the mods have to step in.

Why? Why does it have to be like this?

To those people who are utterly determined to ram their viewpoints down other posters throats I have the following things to say:

1 - If all you want is to win the argument then go post on a politics or computer forum. They like to argue

2 - Other points of view are valid as well

3 - If your goal is drive people away from here then well done, you are succeeding


I really, really like most of the people here and I would really, really like to help but I am so utterly frustrated and mad  and angry that I have simply had enough. This place is now actually starting to damage me. It is colouring my perceptions and making me think that the only way to succeed is to go alone or to stick to my monthly support group in real life.

To the poisoners - well done. You have got rid of me, someone who wanted to help. You have forced me out. Put another notch on your bed post in memory of a job well done.

To everyone else, I wish you all the best, I really do.

[Miki]

This is a support site.  Reading through posts in that context, it is almost impossible for me to sit and read things that are hurtful, flat-out wrong, assumptive, divisive and elitist without making some comment.  This does lead to some back and forth, to be sure, but that is not a bad thing if it's kept civil and respectful.

My observation is that most, if not all, of the flame wars stem from folks stating their personal opinions and experiences as fact and transgender absolutes painted with the broadest possible brushes.  Labeling, judging, condemning...disguised as "facts" pulled out of their asses.

Not all of it is trolling, some folks honestly feel that labeling and judging is ok.  I'd put forth that a support site with this rule...

10. Bashing or flaming of any individuals or groups is not acceptable behavior on this web site and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason. This includes but is not limited to:

- Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term

- Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more legitimate, deserving, or more real than any others

...is not the place for those who are unable to see past their own perceptions and experiences and are incapable of respecting the opinions of others.

It's pretty easy to identify as well.   Look at the threads that have been locked over the last week and what they all have in common.  It's easier to take some people with a grain of salt when all they seem to want to do here is throw salt at people who aren't just like them.  Age, maturity, education, personal experience, all of these variables can play into how we respond to the information put forth by others here.  Respect should be the thing that connects all of the dots despite those variables, but doesn't more often than not.

Is it frustrating?  Sure, but I don't have it in me to get angry or sad over someone else's opinion.  They have a right to it, and I have to respect that if I want the same consideration in return. 

I hope you stick around Beverley. 

-Miki

[Jeneva]

I agree with Miki, this is a support site.  I have benefited greatly from it and I feel it is only fair that I try to help others too.  Part of that helping is making sure that we don't divide ourselves.

Think of it as flushing out the snakes hidden in the grass.  We make the area safer for those walking behind us.  Because I'm in a good place right now I'm mostly immune to the toxin.  If they strike at me then it can be taken care of and no one is hurt.  But if we let those hurtful statements like snakes hidden in the grass it could easily be a person in a more fragile state that gets bitten.  What if a new girl that is just coming out to herself comes here and posts about how her parents drove her to be a football star, but she really wanted to be a cheerleader.  Do we want someone to jump on that post and say you are too muscular and you played sports so you obviously aren't a women?  What is that going to do to her?  I know that if the first few posts I saw when I finally decided that I had to do something and quit hiding were negative like that I wouldn't likely be here.  If we lose them then are we not also responsible in a way?  Yes, it was their choice, but did we do all we could to nurture them instead of tear them down.

I'm likely in every locked thread recently and I'm sorry if I have caused you grief, but I honestly believe that someone has to speak out against this exclusion.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

I wish you the best of luck with your future life and I am deeply sorry if I have caused you any pain.

[Annah]

Ive seen it happening a little longer than just a few months ago but yes, I agree with your frustration. I am beginning to think this is a reality with transgender websites.

I've been to all finds of forums of all kinds of genres from faithbaised to Gaming sites. Everywhere. Transgender forums seem to be the most confrontational. They're not as bad as 4chan but transgender forums are not known to being overly civil. The more civil a transgender forum is, the smaller their membership is.

It isn't just the internet. I've been to support groups and Southern Comfort Conference. When it comes to being rude, snarky, elitist the support groups and the conferences can be much worse than the forums. If you're in a good support group be blessed.

Do i know the exact reason why transgender forums are so scournful? No. No one does. But what I do know is this site is simply a mirror of other trans sites.

[Sarah Louise]

There is a fine line when you try to Moderate Forums of this type.

Staff tries to allow free speech, that is not easy.  There are many different personalities here and they tend to come from all sides of the spectrum.

We lock threads when we feel they have gone too far, but inevitably we get complaints that we locked it too soon, too late or should not have locked it at all.

I hope you don't leave our group over this, but that is your right.  You need to do what is right for you.

[Annah]

i also need to clarify...its not just this site..so Im not picking on this site. It's a common grievance across all popular transgender websites. So if you leave this site to join another, you may be upset even more

At the same time, there have been some members here who had been moderated over and over and over and never get banned. Some do get banned but its like after a multitude of reporting from the members. I remember one person who was banned....she and another tag teamed and wreck havoc on the forums for a week before action was severely taken. In my opinion, it should have been done much quicker. Another had trolled for months before leaving because she grew bored. She had been moderated (orange..muted moderated) over 5 times in five months.

So each sites has their issues.

[pretty]

Frankly I don't think it's ever gonna go away, because there are kinda 2 extremes on the MTF spectrum and the majority of people don't fall in-between. 

Well not that that forces arguing but people seem kinda hot under the collar, ya know?

[peky]

Ive seen it happening a little longer than just a few months ago but yes, I agree with your frustration. I am beginning to think this is a reality with transgender websites.

I've been to all finds of forums of all kinds of genres from faithbaised to Gaming sites. Everywhere. Transgender forums seem to be the most confrontational. They're not as bad as 4chan but transgender forums are not known to being overly civil. The more civil a transgender forum is, the smaller their membership is.

It isn't just the internet. I've been to support groups and Southern Comfort Conference. When it comes to being rude, snarky, elitist the support groups and the conferences can be much worse than the forums. If you're in a good support group be blessed.

Do i know the exact reason why transgender forums are so scournful? No. No one does. But what I do know is this site is simply a mirror of other trans sites.

are not all of us ^^ this way? Annah? Have we always been fair? just? or did we persecuted an innocent because we did not like her, or because we were so self righteous?