Do any of you ever feel jealous towards other trans people's acceptance?

[N.Chaos]

I just recently joined a trans/gender variant group on FB one of my friends invited me to, and its full of people who are so proud of who and what they are. Hell, you don't have to go far on the internet (or even on this forum alone) to find people like that, and I have to confess I just don't understand it.

I envy it, though. I envy the confidence, the acceptance and the pride that some people are able to have about something that I think of as at best a miserable inconvenience, and at worst an emotional/social death sentence.

Yes, I'm negative. I always have been, and I just honestly feel safer that way. I don't want to get my hopes up on anything, at least not any further then "occasionally, eventually something will work out maybe possibly".  But that's another thing entirely.

So, yeah. Does anyone else ever feel this way, looking at all these out and proud people and just not comprehending it?

[King Malachite]

In a way yes.  It's not that I don't get it.  A lot are happy after all and it works for them.  Occasionally I see the fit transguys that all the girls think he is just hot and he's the one with the partner that just completely accepts him no matter what and he is the guy with the body that some cis guys will just die for and this in some cases he is the guy who only needs top surgery to feel better about himself and has the money for it or has it covered by insurance.  This is the guy who doesn't feel the need to go stealth because most everyone accepts him at his job or school or whatever may be the case.  That's the guy who seems to have it all going for him especially at a younger age and he is

Do I envy him?  Heck yeah I do.  I envy "that guy" and his lifestyle.  However to be fair since I'm pretransition, I envy ANY guy that's able to transition.

Am I proud to be trans?  Nope not at all.  I wouldn't even be proud to be cis.  Like you I'm a very negative person and even though I'm trying to work on being more positive to be honest I like to be negative towards myself.  My whole thing is in life is "expect the worse....then you can only be pleasently surprised.

I view my situation as a curse and and I currently live my life accordingly and almost anything that comes out of it is just a by-product of being transgendered.

Now of course when the day comes when I CAN take T I will be all like, "OMG LIFE IS GOOD IT'S JUST BEGINNING NOW!" Blah Blah Blah but until that day which may never come I just my life as a tapeworm waddling in a bucket of water.

But back to your question yes I envy their confidence and while I may not have what they have I can comprehend it.

[Felix]

Being proudly trans is a stance that comes of privilege and safety. I'm sorta there, living in a progressive west coast city. But I have mixed feelings.

[Adio]

I'm not proud to have this experience.  I'm also not ashamed of it exactly.  I just don't want anyone else to know that doesn't have to.  It's none of their business, and I don't proclaim it to the world.  No pride parades, no t-shirts, no necklaces or bracelets, no facebook groups.

Not sure if I'm jealous of the guys who are proud of being trans.  Just like I'm not sure if I'm jealous of guys who are proud to be gay.  It's just...I dunno.  It's just a part of my overall experience of life.  It doesn't define who I am.  I'm more proud of my accomplishments than individual traits about myself or my medical history.

[King Malachite]

I'm not proud to have this experience.  I'm also not ashamed of it exactly.  I just don't want anyone else to know that doesn't have to.  It's none of their business, and I don't proclaim it to the world.  No pride parades, no t-shirts, no necklaces or bracelets, no facebook groups.

Not sure if I'm jealous of the guys who are proud of being trans.  Just like I'm not sure if I'm jealous of guys who are proud to be gay.  It's just...I dunno.  It's just a part of my overall experience of life.  It doesn't define who I am.  I'm more proud of my accomplishments than individual traits about myself or my medical history.

This ^

[N.Chaos]

You know Adio, bringing up the gay pride thing made me realize something about myself.
I'm not really a big pride person at all.

Like...I'm gay, very much so, and very openly, but am I proud of it? No more than I'm proud of having black hair or wearing a size 10 shoe. These are just things about me, natural things I was just born with. I'm proud of my accomplishments, the things I've done and the things I've survived. I've never understood the heritage pride really, either.

[insideontheoutside]

I'm not proud to have this experience.  I'm also not ashamed of it exactly.  I just don't want anyone else to know that doesn't have to.  It's none of their business, and I don't proclaim it to the world.  No pride parades, no t-shirts, no necklaces or bracelets, no facebook groups.

Not sure if I'm jealous of the guys who are proud of being trans.  Just like I'm not sure if I'm jealous of guys who are proud to be gay.  It's just...I dunno.  It's just a part of my overall experience of life.  It doesn't define who I am.  I'm more proud of my accomplishments than individual traits about myself or my medical history.

Pretty much this ^.

This is something I hide from just about everyone and I always have. I couldn't even fathom some big prideful "coming out". Hell I won't even transition because I don't feel like I need to to be who I am. So I'm kind of an oddball anyway, but hey, to each their own. I don't have to understand (or even approve of) other people's own personal agenda or stance on something ... whatever floats their boat.

[Kyyn]

I don't really understand being proud for being trans. That makes it sound like a fad.
It's not something that I fought for or worked hard at or even studied. It just happened.
Same with being gay.

I'll fight and rally for our rights.
But I'm neither proud nor ashamed to be myself. I just am. And I am content

[Natkat]

I just recently joined a trans/gender variant group on FB one of my friends invited me to, and its full of people who are so proud of who and what they are. Hell, you don't have to go far on the internet (or even on this forum alone) to find people like that, and I have to confess I just don't understand it.

I envy it, though. I envy the confidence, the acceptance and the pride that some people are able to have about something that I think of as at best a miserable inconvenience, and at worst an emotional/social death sentence.

Yes, I'm negative. I always have been, and I just honestly feel safer that way. I don't want to get my hopes up on anything, at least not any further then "occasionally, eventually something will work out maybe possibly".  But that's another thing entirely.

So, yeah. Does anyone else ever feel this way, looking at all these out and proud people and just not comprehending it?

I would think of myself as pretty proud in general, but for sure I have my up and downs, and my "why was I born like this" depression times.. I dont think of it as a fad but as a fight I been surviving for myself as well as others, and I tried to turn the fight into something better for myself and others, and thats what im proud of.

but yeah I do know about the jelousy, I am very jelous of transgender people who seams to have it easy, even when I hate to admit it.

I know nobody is having a perfect or carefree transition but theres diffrently some who has more to deal with than others, and even when I consider myself in the lucky category I cant stop comparing myself to those I feel more lucky than me.

[AbraCadabra]

Can't say I know anybody that has it THAT easy - even if married (M2F to cis-male I happen to know)...
Look, they pretty much have their own issues to deal with - she her gender issues like SRS revision and the like, him God knows what... like income, male expectations to fulfil?

I however do get jealous at times just looking mostly at somewhat younger folks that are so sorted and appear so fixed into their cis-gender-model. It takes some reminding that they too will have some issues to deal with - even the prettiest and most successful. One just does not see it.
If we filled with our specific kind of sadness/depression (GID) and it is written all over us... yeah, that is ever so sad.

So? We just will need to move on and try leave at least some of those heavies behind us. It's said: "travelling light, is the only way to go..."
So let me suggest to learn dumping some surplus baggage...

Take care now,
Axélle

[N.Chaos]

Axelle, dumping some baggage is exactly what I need to do right about now. I've gotten so bogged down by so many things lately that any progress I was making (in anything, really) has been all but stopped.

[supremecatoverlord]

I don't understand the whole "trans identity" fad or whatever it is, so I can't say I'm jealous because I simply don't understand.
To me, it's as silly as being a boastful diabetic.

Or well, something of the sorts.

[tekla]

In the beginning at least the entire 'pride' deal comes about after gay liberation, after gay freedom and with many of those obstacles out of the way, the one frontier left was the self.  I don't think it's as much about pride for the sake of pride, but pride substituting for shame, for fear and for self-loathing.  It was far closer to the widespread notion at the time of "I'm OK, Your OK" then it was some sort of chest pumping exercise.

But, you do have a lot of people who dig shame, like fear and wallow in their self-loathing.  So it's not working for them.

[thatsme]

I am not proud of being trans i am trans and to be honest most in my life have no idea that i am!!
Never been to a pride event and problably never will although never say never!

But i am happy who i am and how i am that comes after years of being unhappy with who i was and never leaving the house ect!

Now most days i wake up with a smile on my face

But no i NEVER get jealous its a waste of my time and effort being so won't change things for me!

I thought in the early days looking online at all the happy people poseing for photo's ect that it would never be me that happy but it took years n years but i am that happy!

no i dont post pictures anywhere on the net as i am not like that however i think i am happy as the people i once looked at years ago wishing i was like them.

[N.Chaos]

In the beginning at least the entire 'pride' deal comes about after gay liberation, after gay freedom and with many of those obstacles out of the way, the one frontier left was the self.  I don't think it's as much about pride for the sake of pride, but pride substituting for shame, for fear and for self-loathing.  It was far closer to the widespread notion at the time of "I'm OK, Your OK" then it was some sort of chest pumping exercise.

But, you do have a lot of people who dig shame, like fear and wallow in their self-loathing.  So it's not working for them.

Never even thought of that, but it does make a lot of sense.

[Stephe]

Yes, I'm negative. I always have been, and I just honestly feel safer that way.

  You likely are creating this hell you seem to be living in. Being negative causes negative things to happen all around you. It's a self fulfilling prophesy.

A great quote I read the other day, I think someone here posted it. "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours" - Richard Bach

I wrote a post a while ago about how we create our own reality. How you can make it a positive or a negative experience from your own perception of things. By how upset you let little things make you. If you let some jerk wad get under your skin. Having confidence and a positive attitude will carry you through almost anything.

One thing I have learned for myself, I do -not- allow negative people in my life or around me. It's toxic to my happiness and their negativity will flood into my life. I see these types of people are never really happy, They see things in a worst case way, I suppose like you said, to not be disappointed if that happens. The problem is they create these worst case scenarios to occur because they expect and in a way hope for it. Back to the self fulfilling prophesy.

I've never been to a pride event, don't hang out with LBGT people, never been to even a gathering of them. I'm just a woman who happens to be TG and see it as a perfectly natural thing. I'm not "proud" of being trans, but I'm not ashamed of it either. I think that's the difference, is I don't feel like there is anything wrong with my being TG, I'm not "broken", I don't have to hide this from everyone because it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[auburnAubrey]

I have to agree with Stephe.  We are what we think.  And let me tell you, I used to be a very dark, depressed person.  I was the one that always said "Look what life is doing to me", and all I wanted was just one break..... until I made an amazing discovery.

Life isn't happening to me.  I am an ACTIVE participant.  Life just is.  It was before I was born, and it will be after I pass.  I could stay in a box my entire existance and life would still happen.  But when I saw that I had control.... that happiness is not something that you find in other people or things, but in ourselves, then I set out to find it.  And now my life is what I intend it to be.  Sure there's ups and downs, and obstacles. I have no control over my circumstances, but I have total control over my actions and reactions.  Because you can wish as hard as you want to be something else, but you will only be who you are.  So chose to be something great!  It isn't a matter of pride, it's a matter of coming to terms with self.  The outside world is no more changed by me being TG than if I did stay in that box.  It continues to move forward, so why shouldn't I?

Yes, it sounds like a simple solution.  the solutions are always simple, but putting that solution into effect may be difficult.  But it IS the solution.  And peace only comes from inside yourself.  You have to find a way to find it within you... to create it within you, so that when an external solution happens, you have a peaceful response.  As Buddha said: "think of the last time you were angry, then think of the last time you were happy.  Which would you choose next time?"

If other people's happiness causes you discomfort, it's not them being happy that is the problem, but more likely the effect that you are missing something inside.  But you CAN find it, and you CAN achieve peace.  And this is coming from someone that was downright suicidal for the first 30 years of their life.  No one can tell you what it is, you have to find it.  As I did.  But I can promise you it is there if you decide to look for it.

Best of luck on your journey....

[Jayr]

I'm proud of being trans.

And I agree with Stephe.

[Make_It_Good]

     Im not jealous of them. Like others have said, I dont get the whole proud, boastful attitude to this, simply because I personally have the viewpoint that being trans is not something I would want to boast about. Im not proud to have had to go through transition, its not something I ever would have wanted to, and I hate people knowing. I guess Im more ashamed than proud. Its not that Im a negative person overall, Im happy, proud, positive and hard working and many other things, in other areas of my life.

I used to get jealous of the fact of just how much positive attention and encouragement Id see "out" ftms get, when Id be struggling alone, but I would never have compromised my stealthness for that.

Other than being on this site and a yahoo group for surgery, (where I can be anonymous :p) I dont have my life associate with trans stuff because I dont want to. But its good, though I wouldnt say enviable (if thats a word) that people can live their lives out and proud.

[MrTesto]

I get envious of the energy they don't need to spend on some forms of vigilance. I used to be more out, and still am sometimes for various reasons (lobby days, and such). But as a gay man, I also know that the way other gay men think of me when/if they find out I am TS is very different than how they are with other gay men. I do disclose when appropriate   ...but I am loath to trade one form of being misunderstood (getting read as female) for yet another (getting read as trans).