Invisible

[Edge]

Sorry for complaining.
I'm tired of people assuming I am like them and/or assuming I am simple. I'm tired of people assuming anything about me because they are always wrong and they seem to always refuse to listen to me when I try to correct them. It drives me nuts. I'm tired of my so-called friends claiming to accept me when they aren't interested in who I am at all. They are too busy telling me who they think I am. I am tired of being told that parts of me either don't exist or don't matter. I want all of me to matter. I am tired of being told that certain personality traits of mine that I like are defective or bad in some way. Especially since it is by the very people who claim to accept me. I am tired of being put on a pedestal I can't possibly measure up to and I don't want to measure up to. I am tired of these people expecting me to be grateful that they are saying such things.
It probably sounds like I'm complaining about nothing. At least I have "friends" right? No, I don't. Those aren't friends.
For once, I would like someone to see me. I would like someone to actually be interested in me and not their illusions of me. I would like to say "I am..." and, instead of the reply being "No, you're not," I would like the response to be "Yes, I know. That's what I like about you."

[justmeinoz]

Hi Edge.
The only thing I will disagree about is that you are not complaining, and have nothing to apologise for.

I have concluded that  unless someone is prepared to die in my place, they have no right to tell me how to live my life.  As for friends, they will stick by you when times are tough. If they don't, then they are just acquaintances. 

Nature loves diversity, and there are people out there who love it too.  Just a case of keeping looking.

Karen.

[JoanneB]

I would chalk it up to just plain human nature. People, acquaintances, friends, lovers, soul-mates, family, all latch on on to aspects of others that can understand or relate to and build the rest of their definition of you on that foundation. It takes an extraordinary effort to break down those prejudices allowing the real you to be seen and understood.

Coming out as trans just makes this more obvious when combined with peoples reluctance to give up their previous definition of who you are. In the extreme case even hating you for "killing" the person they had grown to like or even love.

[Edge]

In the extreme case even hating you for "killing" the person they had grown to like or even love.

That has happened to me so many times. Not because of the gender issues, but because inevitably there comes a point where they realize I'm not who they thought I was and act like I've been lying to them even though I've been telling them the truth all along. Usually, they replace their previous illusion with new one that they don't like. It's like I have to be all good or all bad all the time.
I hate the idea of someone telling me they would die for me. That's unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on me. One of my "friends" told me she loves me and would give me her kidney if I needed it. That freaks me out.

[Sephirah]

Sometimes people are friends with an image of someone they see and project onto you, hon. As a means to an end. They take parts of you that they identify with, and appreciate, then make up the rest to fit what kind of a friend they need you to be, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with reality.

I'm tired of my so-called friends claiming to accept me when they aren't interested in who I am at all. They are too busy telling me who they think I am. I am tired of being told that parts of me either don't exist or don't matter.

This is the crux of it. People's attitudes are clouded by their own perceptions. And who they want you to be, in order to fit their preconceptions. I guess a lot of people struggle with change, with having to assess their own assumptions and beliefs, so it's easier to just dismiss it or ignore it, so they don't have to deal with it. It's easier to think someone just doesn't know what they're talking about than admit that you were wrong about them. After all, many people claim to be a good judge of character, and to have that called into question, it's uncomfortable, and leads to insecurity.

"Well I must know better, after all, I chose to be their friend. No way I wouldn't know someone like that. They must be lying. I'm right."

It's not about you as a person, hon. It's more their issues with themselves than anything.

[suzifrommd]

I hate the idea of someone telling me they would die for me. That's unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on me. One of my "friends" told me she loves me and would give me her kidney if I needed it. That freaks me out.

With you on that. So much wrong. Insincere (how does she know how she'd feel if she had to give a kidney) and unnecessary to say (seems calculated to produce some effect).

Don't know if it helps, but I find the friends I really count on are the ones that have been with me so excruciatingly long, that nothing I do surprises them.