Preserving sex drive during HRT, keeping me me.

[NatalieUGA]

Sorry peeps. I started this discussion and should have been checking in more often. Anyway, after reading up and seeing what some people have said, I want to clarify my position.

This isn't about liking my "tool" as it's been so tactfully put. I really don't. But I still have a sex drive and no girlfriend. This leads to a need for some serious self-love and it's the only option I've got right now. I'd rather be using parts I'd be happy with for sure. I dunno, I'm just at a loss for what to do to get the mental sexual energy to translate into something physical again. I think men (including me at one point) don't appreciate just how easy it is for them to get off or just how much work it is for women. Assuming my experience thus far relates in any sort of way. I can't really go out on that limb.

Has anyone else had this sort of problem and found a solution? Or are we all either a) not missing the sex drive or b) having issues with it like I am?

[Jordan]

It's when I'm pleasing someone else, or getting penitrated that I can experence an orgasm that's deep down, in my center, that effects my entire body and leaves me satisfied.

For me, it revolves around WHY I'm wanted, and WHY I can please someone. Being desired in any way for my "maleness" is just horribly heartbreaking. It doesn't matter WHAT they or I do, it's the WHYs behind it that bother me. So my sexuality has always been just terribly frustrated. Sex with a gay man is just as bad as with a straight woman, as both would want me for my maleness.

Now that I look much more female (aside from the genitals), I dunno... we'll have to see what evolves. And after SRS, it's all good

~Kate~

I could not agree more, I hate being wanted in a male way, it just doesnt do anything for me. I think this is one of the greastest problems in my relationship right now, and I am ultimately convinced it will be the cause of our seperation. (

Posted on: December 17, 2007, 04:26:17 AMMY CONCLUSION FROM ALL OF THESE POSTS: 

Just like Keira said. After HRT, WHILE ON HRT

SEX DRIVE caused by Testosterone will go to nill, the kind we all know what its like, kinda annoying always there, causing you to get spontatneos erections, men thinking about sex like every 8 seconds somehow.

SEX DRIVE caused by Estrogen will occur, I.E. you will hopefully feel more wanting to be loved, more emphasis on Why, more of a profound desire for love.

Experience to Back this: 

Well I only have the Male side for now, but I know that alot of time I just jump into bed, spend very little time kissing, even though I think I am trying to be more concerned about making it last longer, I usually cannot help the fact that I just go at it, till its over and pass out.  This angers women to be honest but at the same time is a very male characteristic, caused by T.

I am think from conclusion of these posts, that it is possible to  for the sex mindset to change to reflect that of a natal women, given that E is also a Hormone and can/does influence sex drive.


MYTH:  Sex drive becomes nill.  I dont think it does, I think it evolves into a sex drive characteristic to that of a female.



OPINIONS, RANTS ABOUT ME, Feel free to leave me a Rep point or two. LOL all welcome and needed

[Purple Pimp]

One option for those who don't want their sex drive to be totally obliterated is to take Bicalutimide rather than the usual anti-androgens.  Bicalutimide blocks reception of T rather than production, so sexual desire still exists.  However, maybe this is only my perception; I've never taken Androcur or Spiro, so maybe I would  feel the exact same way taking those instead.  At the same time, I don't think that it's possible to do real HRT and maintain the the original sex drive.  Mine still exists, but it's... different.  But I understand the reasoning of the original poster, being a women doesn't mean that one has to be sexually "neuter."  Of course, if sex sickens you and you don't want to feel sexual, there is nothing wrong with that, that's your choice.  But for every Charlotte, there's a Samantha out there.

Lia

[Rachael]

Charlote may be a prude. but shes not afraid of sex.... shes more a miranda, shes not quite decided WHAT sex she wants
Gotta love satc analogy)
R

[NicholeW.]

"sex drive" seems to me to me sort of two different things, female/male. I have a deep "sex drive" when it comes to cuddly, touchy and even the act itself, but that is love-specific. If I don't love you I don't specifically wanna have sex, or even think about it, with someone.

OTH, I think with my partner, when I do think of having se with her and she with me, it seems more of a "love exchange" that's on a different level, a giving, sharing merging and orgasm is simply a wonderfully intense "oceanic" experience. Like everything, and I mean everything, is one, the whole universe coalesces in our exchange.

I know, that is really very vague.

But on T it was definitely different: intrusive thoughts that did occur with much frequency and wasn't necessarily limited to a love relationship.

Its hard to explain if you haven't been there.

As for the pornstar question, Kiera, I have heard, but don't know for sure that especially in Eastern European and South American meccas for that that a lot of surgery is involved and that HRT is not. That is more in the way of rumor I have heard from people who are definitely NOT, well, claim they are not, in-the-biz. So I don't really know at all.   

[Rachael]

something thats happening here, is  a large number of people posting, who dont have any experience...

ON HRT YOU DO NOT HAVE 0 SEX DRIVE.... it s a total myth, i have a healthy sex drive like any normal female my age. I get hot for boys, swoon, and get arroused in a very fulfilling way... so its total crap that it just vanishes. women do have sex drives too estrogen is as much a sex hormone as testosterone.

and regarding MTF pornstars: usually they dont use hrt, and have LOTS of surgery... or do use it, and then stop T, not ALL actually have functional male genetals btw....
R

Edit used to remove an offensive term. 

[NicholeW.]

Please, folks. I think we all know a particular word that is used for MTF pornstars is offensive. Some people are more offended than are others. Kiera, sorry if we simultaneously made edits.

So please avoid the word when "MTF pornstars" works really well and is not nearly as pejorative. Thanks.

And believe it. I will always ask you to do it first.

Nichole

Posted on: December 21, 2007, 10:20:50 AM

something thats happening here, is  a large number of people posting, who dont have any experience...

ON HRT YOU DO NOT HAVE 0 SEX DRIVE.... it s a total myth, i have a healthy sex drive like any normal female my age. I get hot for boys, swoon, and get arroused in a very fulfilling way... so its total crap that it just vanishes. women do have sex drives too estrogen is as much a sex hormone as testosterone.

I think what we often lose track of is that my experience is not usually 'universal.'

There are a number of reasons that might lead to no or small sex drive in women and men that are extremely valid and that also might not get talked about a lot.

The biggest might well be sexual abuse as children. Or sexual assault as adults. Often enough  TSes are more susceptible to both of those. And there's nothing like a rape to 1) make you not want sex at all: if I have no sex drive then I won't be abused. 2) Or to make someone hyoper-sexual, or at least that's what it looks like. What it probably actually is is what it was for me for a long stretch of time. "I am already filthy and used, why not just act that out constantly."

Neither of those options show a drive for sex. Instead, one is an absolute loathing that may be mirrored in physical response: the victim is incapable of having sexual activity. In the other the victim has a drive to debase herself (more prevalent in women than men is the reason for the pronoun) and constantly show the world just how terrible she is.

So before I get too convinced that people don't know what they are talking about, maybe i should consider other options. Maybe they know exactly what they are talking about, they just have very good reasons not to share with me what they know and how they know it.

Trauma of that sort, of any sort actually, does change the configurations of neurons and synapses -- it literally 'changes our minds' and our bodies.

Does E in and of itself change someone from a sexual being to a non-sexual one? Prolly not, but it can relieve tensions formed elsewhere so that the person is not as fixated on the sexual urge as they were. After years of a 'male' response, that can well be viewed as being non-sexual.

Often TSes become sexual after SRS when they were not before it. The operation may well 'free' them. OTH, some never achieve any interest in sexual activity and very often that's because they learned that sex is a power relationship that is betraying and hurtful and not to be desired when they were very young.

I wish these complexities didn't exist. But they do and it seems like i need to be mindful of that.

Nichole

Yes, we humans often try to make the world a black and white place, regardless the evidence that it is multi-colored top include all sorts of grey shades. 

[Lisbeth]

In a larger sense, I guess my biggest fear is that hormones will change who I am to the point that I'm a completely different person than I am now. I like being me, I just want my body to reflect the way I think it should have been born, I don't want to become a completely different person who feels completely different about things.

Well... Hormones didn't change anything about me except my body.  Getting rid of T got rid of that wretched overpowered sex drive, thank goddess!  Believe me, there's nothing gone that I miss.  Unless you count missing how miserable I used to be.

[cindybc]

Hi Nichol
Thank you so much for this information. You have went to many places that have opened doors to things I had not even given thought to for many years. Doors I dared not open.

Cindy   

[Rachael]

why use m2f pornstars, when ->-bleeped-<- is the term they use regarding the genre, im not calling anyone here a ->-bleeped-<-, heck, apparently some identify as it.
they arnt m2f pornstars, thier ->-bleeped-<-s. because a LOT are in it as sex workers, and transition FOR SEX WORK...
i would ask the moderator who edited my post without permission to CHANGE it back please. i dont feel it is justifiable to sneak around changing peoples posts when its a legitimate thing to say.
because we ignore a term, and sing la la la, it wont go away... When i call someone here that name, get offended, when i use it in its RIGHTFUL PLACE ie, taking about this type of sexworker, im actually shocked people are so sensative that the mere mention of the word breaks out herds of drama llamas...

R

[cindybc]

Hi,

One must not forget that there are TSs that work the streets as sex workers as well.  Most are there to make enough money to get the surgery. Each night they go out risking their lives doing this type of work.  There are also those whose drug dependencies keep them out there.  Given the way the world treats us, I cannot blame them for being on the street.

Cindy

[Rachael]

if your telling me every sex worker is an empoverished transperson forced onto the streets... i may well die laughing... i wasnt saying they all weere, i simply cant see the problem, with using a porn industry term, for a porn industry WORKER....
and dont try and suggest thier all forced against thier will either...
R

[cindybc]

I didn't mean to imply all, Rachael, but I should have been clearer on the emphasis of [some]
No one can be forced to live any life style against their will, that we do on our own, but some get caught up in that web.

Cindy

[NicholeW.]

Hi, Rach. If I offended you by editing the word then i also think you should say that i pmed you about it first and requested you change it.

Yes, the word is used, frequently. But being honest and using words that you know may well offend some when there are other words (you used a couple 'sexworker', 'pornstar') just seems a bit confrontational when there is no need.

My personal take is not that the word is problematic to me. But, I do know, as I imagine you do as well, that it's a problem for other people.

I spoz my problem is, if I can use something else that doesn't ignite revulsion in someone else, why shouldn't i do that. I just don't see the point in needless confrontation and hurt for someone when there are ways around doing that that don't require me to be dishonest.

We could all probably use the word 'punk' to insult someone if we wished. But the use o the word is not particularly an 'honest' one.

I understand that you wish to be heard and that maybe you even wish to engage me in some test of wills. I see no need for either. This is not about either you or me. It is about how we may make other people feel badly when we needn't do so.

I really wish you would go back to your next-last post and just delete the word and substitute one of the words you have already used instead of it. This time I'll ask you in public since private messages didn't work before.

Neither of us have any 'face' issues going here. This about simply being considerate of others when there are ways to be both considerate and honest. The rawer a word is in usage doesn't make it more honest, just more raw.

So please. Remove the offensive word.

Thanks so much. I know that you understand.

Nichole

[Rachael]

sex worker isnt offensive
pornstar is not offensive

if these words upset you, get off the plannet... im sorry, but this is taking poltical correctness, and making them stop saying correct, because it might offend those who are INCORECT!
I stand by my post.
R

[cindybc]

Hi Kiera
Sighhhhhh, do I know what spending Christmas alone is like. For many years now I don't even bother puting up anything in the house. But I do have some memories of some beautiful happy Christmases in the past. See the nice things In that part of our mind is nothing ever dies.

Merry Christmas



Cindy