Did i do the right thing?

[Nikki59s~Girl]

Hello again lol! I have another question! Sorry for this!
My wife and I went to see her laser hair removal person last week because she wants it lasered off. Anyways Nikki hasn't told her laser tech yet that she is transgendered. Last week her laser tech said to Nikki wow your hairs grown out are you growing it longer? That would've been a great oppurtunity for Nikki to mention she is transgendered. On the way home Nikki said to me I can't believe you didn't tell her that I'm transgendered. I didn't know I was supposed to. I mean she always complains that I never respect our privacy. I mean was I in the wrong? Should I have mentioned it? Or is that Nikki's job? She unfortunatly wouldn't let that go for like the whole day.

[Jeneva]

Generally speaking unless you are told you are allow to out someone you don't EVER.  Personally I had given Shannon blanket permission long ago, but it is a moot point now that I am fully out.  I went to my laser appointments alone and I told the tech myself.  If Nikki wanted you to do that she should have said so.  Unfortunately in the early days it is so easy to be consumed with fear and hope someone else will do it for us.  Unfortunately others usually don't know you are hoping they will do it.

I'm sorry she took that out on you, I suspect it was mostly just trying to bleed off her fear and moving her anger at herself for not saying something to you instead.

[Nikki59s~Girl]

Thanks Jeneva thats what I said to her. I don't know I tried even saying it was my fault because that usually makes her shut up lol. It didn't work this time she said no it's not it's mine I should have told her but I froze. She then said but hello as my wife it's called common sense you should've had my back and spoke up. I don't believe it's my duty what so ever to let some people know that my wife is transgendered if she wants somebody to know she should speak up. However I do know it is sometimes super hard for people to speak up. I even have a hard time sometimes. We wonder if there's ever going to be a good time to tell her laser tech again? In away I do feel guilty

[Jayr]

I'm a trans guy and my girlfriend is trans as well.
And it would be unacceptable for her to out me, vice versa.
Unless of course I tell her otherwise, vice versa.

Don't feel guilty!
It was her responsibility to tell him.
Or ask you to help her come out before hand.

I don't think it was right for her to go off on you like that.
Hope you two work it out.

[Cindy]

I would say it's Nikki's job without a doubt. And laser tech's are some of the easiest people to come out to in my experience. She sounds still very nervous, is she seeing a therapist? That is some of the stuff she needs to talk about because it is very much to do with self acceptance.

Hugs
Cindy

[Jennifer.L]

Laser places are  a great way to meet other trans girls lol my laser place is doing 3-5 other tgirls rignt now and I live it a small is place.  hmmm maybe that means there are few laser place or idk.

[chloe23]

Nikki needs to learn to take control of her life. She is putting to much pressure on you to do the work for her and this is causing stress on your marriage. No doubt she is nervous and scared and feels uncomfortable about when it is time to out herself. She needs to learn to stand up for herself and accept herself for who she really is. You can help advice her, but it is not your job to tell people she is transgender. Laser tech's are the easiest to come out to and most are very understanding. Telling them your transgender makes their jobs easier so the know what hair to remove and help guide you thru the process. Nikki definitely needs to discuss these issues with her therapist so they can help her thru this. She should be open and honest with her therapist and discuss what problems she is having. I hope you don't take Nikki's actions to seriously towards you and she gets help on these issues.

[Eve87]

Maybe it's not that she expected you to be the one to tell. Maybe it's just that she interpreted your silence as fear or worst of all, shame.

That tiny voice in the back of your head saying your partner might be ashamed of you is a terrible feeling.

Of course, I'm not saying you are. But I've had a reaction like that and it wasn't because I expected people to do my own coming-out.

[JoanneB]

I know my wife would not pleased AT ALL if I told anyone she is a TS, just as I would be hurt if she told someone about me without checking with me first if it was OK

Generally speaking, about the only time I can imagine it would be OK is if the TG person is very publicly out to start with. It isn't like they are trying to be stealth.

[Nikki59s~Girl]

I love my wife and well I know she means no harm. I just hope she will tell her next time. I wasn't afraid to say anything. I mean heck I'm actually glad I married a transgendered! I think It's hot sharing make up and wearing the same size of shoes, and to actually have somebody to do make up better than me that's even hotter! Nikki and I connect on sooo many levels... She said I'm her biggest support besides her sister. To me that's a big deal. If I take the blame for something I guess it makes me feel better

[chloe23]

It's great that you love and greatly support Nikki. You shouldn't have to take the blame for when something goes wrong. Maybe it would be a good idea for Nikki to talk with other transgender girls on this site to help her out and deal with certain issues that may be bugging her. Everyone is here to help and support one another.

Hugs

[ToriJo]

I'd say to find out what works for you as a couple.

If that's you telling people in some situations, that's fine, even if (as most posters indicated) it wouldn't work for most of us.  Each relationship is different.

But you do need to know when she expects you to do that, and she needs to be willing to let you make mistakes if she decides she wants you to do it in some situations.