Strong, and scary, emotions

[JinJan]

I hope that, as you read this, and if you reply, you will be gentle with me - because this is a very raw subject, for me - which I am still exploring.  But, if I can't post this here - then where?  Thank you, in advance, for listening.

Throughout my lifetime (I am 53), I have noticed, that I felt 'attracted', to young men, and young boys.  I have always felt disgusted with myself, when this happened - I was worried I was a closet pedophile.  But, I think there might be another reason, for my attraction to them.  My husband's niece, husband, and her two sons, came to visit us.  One son is 17 years old.  Well, again, I noticed this feeling of attraction, but this time, I noticed there was 'envy', included.  So, I am thinking now, that all this time, I have just been envious of those young men, because I, subconsciously, have wanted to be male, at times, and I feel like I 'missed out', on those 'young men' experiences - and even appearances.   Well, that is it - I await your replies - thanks again.  JinJan.

[suzifrommd]

First of all, JinJan, welcome back. I was worried you were gone for good. Good to hear from you again.

I would claim that desires are harmless, only actions matter. If I were punished for everything I *wanted* to do, I'd be facing about 20,000 counts of sexual harassment and at least 100 for murder.

As long as you are confident you can keep your desires from turning into actions, they are harmless and nothing to be ashamed of. They're part of you.

I know what it's like to have trouble discerning desire from envy. I've always only been attracted to women, but I've always wanted to be one as well. I'm especially envious of the "young woman" experience, but I don't feel any attraction there. Don't want to touch, see clothes taken off, etc., the way I would if I saw a shapely mature woman. Instead I wish I could be their age, wear their clothes, jewelry, share their secrets, etc. So maybe the way to tell the difference is to ask yourself if one of them cornered you and wanted a discrete liaison, how would you feel? Like you want to take them up on it or like you'd want to swap clothing?

It bears repeating: Feelings are harmless. Only actions matter.

[eli77]

Uh... being attracted to a 17-year-old is really not pedophilia. (Hell, 17 is past the age of consent here.) True pedophilia means someone attracted to prepubescent children. Being attracted to teenagers is a fairly normal, if somewhat socially inappropriate, thing. And like agfrommd said, being attracted is not the same as doing something about it.

[JinJan]

Thanks AG and Sarah - I liked your 'test', AG, and the more I think about it, I would NOT be interested in a liaison with them - just like you said, I just want to BE them, sometimes.  Thanks for helping me to see that!  That makes me feel better.  It was funny - I was sitting there, wanting to be able to wear those long, baggy shorts, and slouchy t-shirt, and flip-flops.  I know - I can wear whatever I want, and believe me, I do, for the most part - but, as we older folks here know, it is not always possible, to do 'everything' that you would like to - even regarding appearances (actually, I have just realized lately, that I almost have a 'Bieber' haircut - the original one - lol).

Anyway, thanks so much, for helping me to see my emotions, as they truly are!  Glad to be back!  JinJan.

[aleon515]

I agree that thoughts alone aren't important. Of course they matter to you. But you can have all sorts of bad, perverted, deviant, and evil thoughts, but that doesn't mean you are any of those things or would act on them. OTOH, I think your ideas about jealousy make sense. Perhaps we don't want to grow up but androgynes tend to like the boyish or the girlish rather than the mannish or women-ish. At least quite a lot this is true.

--Jay Jay

[Cindy]

 From a female point of view I think many of the woman here are 'attracted' to and often jealous of younger woman. Yes the very thought that they are going through a life that you wish you had is strong motivation for both attraction and interest. And I'm certainly not confining that to woman who have lesbian feelings. My preference is heterosexual, but I still find myself looking and admiring young woman. It is quite difficult to distinguish between envy, attraction and admiration.

As others have said the pursuit of carnality with young people is criminal and wicked but admiration and envy is a normal trait, in my opinion.

Cindy

[foosnark]

There is definitely a very fuzzy line between attraction and envy.

It sometimes confuses me, because the kind of body I would most like to live in is kind of cute but not the type that is the most attractive to me, or the type I tend to feel as envious about.

[VelvetBat]

I don't find it that strange. I have a similar experience.
I felt attracted to androgynous guys as long as I can remember. Not to get sexual with, since I am asexual. But still, some sort of attraction. I have been into relationships with those guys too, but that never worked. I didn't love them. I couldn't really understand my feelings. Very confusing.

And a coule of years ago I realised that it wasn't that I wanted to be with them, but that I wanted to be them.

I find it very difficult to label feelings and understanding them, so confusing the feelings is something that happens to me often.