Kinda at a holding pattern...

[AbbyJamz]

So, here's the sitch... I have told my wife and a friend that I think I'm trans.  My wife hasn't mentioned it since and I haven't spoken with my friend in weeks (although she has been supportive).  I'm kinda at a loss to what I should do... Meanwhile, I've been try to lose weight for the inevitable transition.  I don't know what to do!  I feel utterly alone!!! I just need someone who understand me.  I know this type of thing is probably common around these parts, but I could really use some reassuring words... :-)

[Erin]

If a person truly desires something there is nothing that will stand in their way-Indian saying (?)

[Alainaluvsu]

The first person I told ended in disaster and it took me about a year and a half to finally tell others. The others I told went great.

Just don't force the topic. Chances are they're uncomfortable with it (especially your wife if she's straight). This subject is foreign to them and getting the support you WANT is gonna be tough.

[JoanneB]

Coming out to a spouse is one of the hardest things we can do. Often they are the absolutely first person we tell. Usually we expect the world to come to an immediate end with us being sucked into the deep fiery bowels of the Earth. Sometimes that is not far off the mark. Friends hear all sort of things. If they are curious they'll ask more about it. That may take a while, if ever depending on if the subject is ever brought up again by you. Or the more obvious case of you actually changing. Otherwise it just gets noted as something to keep in mind.

How deep was the conversation with your wifeconversation? Was it simply "I think I am trans"? Or, did you lay out to her exactly what you believe the future holds, and what your next immediate actions will be? BTW - transition isn't inevitable. Watching your diet is always good. Therapy is even better for you right now it sounds.

She may indeed be worried about herself and her future. But, if you aren't doing anything different then trying to drop the pounds she was on your back about, from her point of view nothing has changed, maybe won't. A lot different than if you followed up the talk with seeing a therapist, finding and going to a local T support group, perhaps purchasing a few items of clothing, etc..

It is the extremely rare and exceptional woman that you tell who will be all bubbly and supportive and helpful showing and telling you all that you need to know about being a woman now that you want to switch teams. To a spouse it usually means years of lying and betrayal. Anything else she can imagine that could have been going on all those years is likely true too. This holds true even for for spouse who knew of your TG nature long before marriage. Talking transition or just any sort of escalation is a change in the status quo and cause for deep concern.

[BillieTex]

be patient and let her take the time she needs, it's a big change for you both

[Jeneva]

You MUST lay out all your cards and come completely clean with her.  She needs to understand what your plans are and how/why they may change.  After that conversation if you are trying to stay together then you will need to let her control your speed.  You have to give her time to adjust to each new step.

Unfortunately not all women can be attracted to other women and that may kill the marriage, but it is better to let her know your path as soon as you know it.

[collettemichelle]

Oh so recently I was at the same point as you are talking about.(Only 10mnths ago).
You said you told your wife you THINK you might be transgendered.That sounds totally like you are looking for guidance and assurance.Finding a therapist with specialty in transgender issues is most important I think.Their input is professional and unbiased.
A lot of the girls here and on other forums state how ill advised it is to tell too many people about your journey through all this.It can come back to bite you.There are a lot of kind people here with a lot of understanding.
I was so scared and unsure when first asking what you are.I'm obviously not that far into this journey but taking those first few steps were like breathing clean air for the first time.
Be prudent and have fun.
Enjoy life.

[AbbyJamz]

I'm absolutely terrified about this situation!  I love my wife, but it appears she will never accept that this is who I am.  I told her that I've thought about transition, but I seriously need to talk to a professional about my issues.  She is a very Godly person and thinks I should see a Christian counselor.  She has told me that she thinks that the devil is trying to confuse me (even though I have told her that these feelings have been here since about age 12 & that I feel that God has been telling me that I must tell her about these feelings).  She cried several times this weekend.  I feel horrible because I know it's my fault that she is in such pain. The only thing I know for sure right now is thinking about becoming the girl I am inside makes me feel happy and excited. Things are so tough right now, though, those thoughts feel more unattainable than ever before.  Sorry to babble on.  I just have no one else to talk to!  Thank you all for your posts.  I feel that at least a few people care about the turmoil I've been dealing with.

[ThatTallGirl]

For me, the people I have told so far have known that I have had a bad depression problem for as long as they have known me. I didn't go up to them and say, "Hey guess what, I am trans, deal with it."

I respectively went up to them and told them, "I finally found a therapist that I have a connection with, this is the first time I have truly been happy since I can remember." And they ALL responded, "That is great! I am happy that you are finally happy and not depressed."

I softened the blow also by asking them questions about some t.v. program. Ask them questions like, "Those documentaries on channel "blahblah" are really good. I found myself watching one on "thingy-majigs" and couldn't stop watching it. One day I turned on the television and saw a documentary on trans gendered people. Have you seen it?" Then the conversation blossoms from there. I didn't force anything. Knowing that they think about trans people before you tell them can have a really big effect on how they respond.

I told one of my best friends not a week ago, and after I told her she put her hand on my knee and when I looked at her she was crying. We made eye contact and she gave me a huge hug and told me that she would love me no matter what. We (me, her and her fiance) are now looking for a place together, and it makes me feel great that I will be transitioning in a house with people who really accept me for who I am.

I am a lucky one to not have found a person who did not accept me. I am fortunate enough that all of my friends knew that I have depression problems, and this is really helping me.