Finding Peers

[Ashley_C]

This has been one of the biggest struggles for me to this point, pre-HRT.

I'm not active in the community. I don't do clubs. I'm just trying to find other girls in my area my own age that I can hang out with and be my true self.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did your address it?

[RachelH]

Yep I'm desperate to find some more people like myself, just to have a nice chat with a person in real life.  I've been put in touch with a much older girl and we've had coffee but still it's not the same as someone your own age. 

My best friend has made it clear that she is going to take me to a Trans event and we agreed on Sparkle in Manchester, so I'm looking forward to July!

Other then looking out for these events and getting in touch with with local or even national groups I really don't know.

[Ashley_C]

I've been put in touch with a much older girl and we've had coffee but still it's not the same as someone your own age. 

I can join a therapy group but found out than there was no one close to my age (they're all older). I still may join just not until I get closer to HRT.

I don't feel comfortable going to any sort of events right now. This is something that I need to ease into, I know, and I can't do that alone.

Grrrrrr.

[RachelH]

Well you don't have to go as female.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, just that I have to go.  Well that's actually I lie I think it's going to my major event out as a female, I'm looking more and more feminine and what better place when it's in a huge supportive festival.

If the local groups aren't within your age groups, spread your field a little wider, still go to them because the experience those girls have will be valuable and they may be able to point you towards girls nearer your own age, you never know  

[Bexi]

My university has a LGBT club so that proved quite good for meeting people in a generally decent atmosphere. AND they would organise nights-out in 'friendly' clubs, which was quite good for someone still starting out in their transition.

I don't know if its possible (legal) or not, but you could ask your doctor if (s)he knows of any trans people and if they would like to get in touch.
X

[RachelH]

I don't know if its possible (legal) or not, but you could ask your doctor if (s)he knows of any trans people and if they would like to get in touch.
X

I met my friend through my doctor.  He asked her if it was ok and passed my e-mail to her and we have remained in touch and I've met with her,  she has supported me through the early stages, as she is post-op.  If they know some former patients they may be willing to help someone on their journey.

[Bexi]

I met my friend through my doctor.  He asked her if it was ok and passed my e-mail to her and we have remained in touch and I've met with her,  she has supported me through the early stages, as she is post-op.  If they know some former patients they may be willing to help someone on their journey.

Thats cool! - I wasn't sure if it would affect patient confidentiality or not.
X

[RachelH]

Well my GP is amazing, when I first went to him he mentioned I wasn't the first, and it ended up with him introducing us through consented contact.  That is the only thing that is needed, a GP that cares and who is willing to be a go between.  It made me very happy.

[Ashley_C]

Thats cool! - I wasn't sure if it would affect patient confidentiality or not.
X

I guess it's OK if both people give the doctor permission. I should ask her when I see her next.

[RachelH]

Definitely, what's the worst she can say, no, and the best you get to meet somebody who understands your situation in the local sense.

[Molly]

I would love to find people my age as well (early twenties), but don't really know where to start in my area.  Might have to do some digging on the good 'ole interwebs.

[Renee D]

I'm so darned special and unique that I have no peers.  :p



No, really, I know one trans woman just down the road from me, she recently moved back to town after years away. We talk every now and then, but haven't really gotten to know each other.  Otherwise, I don't worry about it. I tend to mostly keep to myself anyway and the few people I spend time with regularly are cis and vary in ages. 

I don't know where you are, but where I live, there really isn't any sort of center, group or clubs for us, so I think the few of us there are tend to just do whatever with whomever they like to be around. Besides, I'm not one to want to immerse myself much in trans stuff beyond a little bit online.  And I tried going to a couple major events years ago and pretty much got turned off on it due to some things I saw going on in the background.

[Alainaluvsu]

There's no real LGBT support stuff here either. Basically the only thing here resembling it are a club and a gay bar. However once I started telling people I'm trans, it's been amazing how many people THEY know that are trans, and have been constantly been offered to be put into contact with other transsexuals.

I guess what I'm saying is you just have to put yourself out there. You may be surprised at the support you get.

[mementomori]

There's no real LGBT support stuff here either. Basically the only thing here resembling it are a club and a gay bar. However once I started telling people I'm trans, it's been amazing how many people THEY know that are trans, and have been constantly been offered to be put into contact with other transsexuals.

I guess what I'm saying is you just have to put yourself out there. You may be surprised at the support you get.

i rang trans support here about cheaper finding cheaper electroylises sessions and they gave me completely the inccorect information , its all people who are quite aged , they said to me something about only doing 15 minute sessions of electroylises becuase " who could handle the pain beyond that " umm ive done 3 hour long sessions before , its painfull but worth it

imagine the lack of support say in the 60s

[Constance]

There is little to no queer or trans community in San Mateo County. It's like there's nothing between San Francisco and San Jose.

I started with Google, looking for peers/resource in my area. I found precious little, but some are there. Being a member of a church where queer and trans persons are openly welcomed helps. Through mutual Facebook friends, I've been finding more things near me. I went to a bar for the first time at age 42 last November. I've been to a couple of others since then, but felt like I was out of my element. Rainbow Skate was better and definitely trans-friendly, but I'm 1 of a very small number there.

The only peer group I have at this point is the Transgender Parents group up in SF. People are in various stages of transistion there (pre-op like me, post op, pre-HRT). While many of the parents there are my age, I have the oldest kids. So, I don't quite fit into the group.

I'd like to find something closer to home. I guess I could try to start a meetup or something, but I'm not sure how to proceed.

That said, I feel like I've been granted peer status among many of the cis-women I know. It's like they've welcomed me into their circles. But, the struggles that cis-women face aren't the same as what I face as a trans-woman. A peer group would be ideal, I think.

[Ashley_C]

There's no real LGBT support stuff here either. Basically the only thing here resembling it are a club and a gay bar. However once I started telling people I'm trans, it's been amazing how many people THEY know that are trans, and have been constantly been offered to be put into contact with other transsexuals.

I guess what I'm saying is you just have to put yourself out there. You may be surprised at the support you get.

We have one here, too. I live in LA I just don't really want to go there. I can't explain it, I just have a bad feeling about that place.

[Siobhan]

I only found one group near me, they meet in the gay bar part of the city. Shame I dont like bars or clubs if it was a non-alcohol venue I would def go at least once.

[lilacwoman]

There is little to no queer or trans community in San Mateo County. It's like there's nothing between San Francisco and San Jose.

My Google shows San Mateo seems to be quite a hotbed of TG support and socialising?

[Cindy]

I know it can take time but once you get the confidence to go out as you, you will quickly make friends. I have had no problems, I have more friends than I have ever had in my life. Including some gorgeous Aussie girls on here, but also people I have met. Woman seem to be very friendly to me in a I'd like to chat and meet about you, in a social way. I'm not gay so I prefer guys sexually but for friendship, woman any day.

Just take your time.

Cindy

[kelly_aus]

I know it can take time but once you get the confidence to go out as you, you will quickly make friends. I have had no problems, I have more friends than I have ever had in my life. Including some gorgeous Aussie girls on here, but also people I have met. Woman seem to be very friendly to me in a I'd like to chat and meet about you, in a social way. I'm not gay so I prefer guys sexually but for friendship, woman any day.

Just take your time.

Cindy

I can only second what Cindy has to say..

And speaking of 'gorgeous Aussie girls', we really need to catch up for coffee or something Cindy..