That awkward in between stage

[Jeatyn]

I'm now officially in the very awkward inbetween stage of transition. I have some very masculine qualitys but overall I generally still get read as female.

This makes me feel VERY self conscious. I'm hyper aware that as a girl, I am downright ugly. I have acne, facial hair, glasses, man hair, and baggy man clothes. The absolutely opposite of what society expects of a "young lady"

I'm weight training now and getting really beefy looking calves....at first I'm like yeah check out these muscles *flex* but then in a setting where I know I'm being read as female I get embarrassed that I have such chunky looking legs....hairy ones at that

It's really strange to me that after all this time I am self conscious of my body starting to look male....when isn't that what I wanted all along?


I guess my question is did any of you guys experience this? Or are currently experiencing this? Any words of wisdom? 

[supremecatoverlord]

I was like this pre-HRT and knew I wasn't passing all of the time.
I don't really have problems anymore, but had an extremely short non-passing period while on HRT because the results actually began to show rather quickly for me and I started passing without a doubt in no time.
If you are one those people that don't plan on starting HRT, then I don't know what to tell you about the horrible in between stage, because it could last a really long time.

[GentlemanRDP]

I definitely know how you feel.
I went through this as well. It's very confusing, and very jarring. I now laugh at it by naming it my 'Ugly girl' phase of transition. But chances are likely, with your body taking all of these changes (I'm assuming you're on T) that soon enough, you're going to start passing in public as male.
The truth is that I only just got past this phase a few months ago, and now 95% of the time when I'm out, I'm getting called, "He," "Sir," "Bro," and "Man," sometimes, someone will label me wrong, but since it hardly happens, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. The only time that I really don't pass now is without clothes xD The thing that really helped my confidence was buying a packer and changing the way that I bind. I don't know if anyone's looking at my crotch, but I find that I carry myself differently and I think that helps me pass more.

But in short, good luck!

[Jeatyn]

I'm on e-blockers, actual T should be any day now *stares at the phone and wills the doctor to call* o_o I think I've changed as far as I can with just these pills, I need T to go any further. I've just dipped my toe into the wonderful world of male puberty.

It's nice to know I'm not alone, misery loves company and all that

It's so strange because I thought I was WAY over the whole "must be pretty and attractive" bullcrap I used to feel the pressure of in my former life. I guess that kind of conditioning doesn't go away so easily.

I know the second I start to get read as male this will all go away...I just have to suck it up and wait (story of my life?)

[Adio]

I remember feeling like that a lot.  Just hang in there.  You're making progress and will hopefully be on T soon.  Feel good about the changes you're already making and seeing in yourself.  In time other people will begin to see the real you!

[Devin87]

I understand that completely.  I'm pre-t, but I have very high T naturally, so I have hairy arms and a good amount of facial hair (which I usually shave every two or three days, but I've been getting lazy with it).  I'm a 2nd grade teacher, and lately my students have been pointing it out to me a lot.  Today one of them told me "it looks like you're growing a beard".  Another one said to me "can I comb your arm hair" and a different one told me "you're gonna turn into a young man".  And that was just today.  And since I'm obviously not out to my 8-year-old students, I had to pretend to be a little offended by it and tell them it was "inappropriate" even though I thought they were all awesome compliments.  I think they know I like it when they point it out, which is why they keep doing it.  Hopefully it doesn't make them think all women like it when they point out their facial hair...

[Nygeel]

8 years of in between for me. I don't consider myself in between or anything, it's just that others see female almost all of the time while I look in the mirror and just see male. I was never really embarrassed by my body exactly. I'm more frustrated by how people see me. I'm getting better with acting and wearing what I want, but it's still bothersome to be this far into my transition, and this long on hormones to still get female more than male.

[Traivs]

I understand I am pre T right now myself and I take the bus everywhere so i get a lot of reactions people either think i am a 14-15 year old boy which isn't bad considering but i am 22 and trying to go to bars or anything kinda sucks cause they all think my id is fake or they comment on how feminine i am as a girl. I had a customer at my work tell me the other day that i will make a great house wife one of these days. The awkward in between stage sucks.

[luridream]

I had a customer at my work tell me the other day that i will make a great house wife one of these days. The awkward in between stage sucks.

Ew! Who says that to _anyone_?

Yeah, I'm in the in-between stage myself. One thing that bothers me is that I want to date, but don't feel like I can attract anyone who won't see me as female. I wish there was a bisexual bar...

[Traivs]

I wanted to punch them in the face but i wanted to keep my job more. But yeah I pass most of the time but seem to have a problem with the occasional guy hitting on me. Cant wait to get further into transition and start T

[dalebert]

But yeah I pass most of the time but seem to have a problem with the occasional guy hitting on me.

You sure it wasn't a gay guy?

[Traivs]

pretty sure he's not

[justmeinoz]

Some Butches feel they have more in common with Transmen than other lesbians, even though they are quite clear  that they are not trans themselves.  Maybe you could take that path for a while?
My son did something like that for a while when he started transition.  (Nothing average about my family! )

Karen

[Nygeel]

Some Butches feel they have more in common with Transmen than other lesbians, even though they are quite clear  that they are not trans themselves.  Maybe you could take that path for a while?

Karen

Can I hear more? I'm not sure if I'm understanding you correctly.

[supremecatoverlord]

You sure it wasn't a gay guy?

Lol.
I would have responded the same way, because I've recently had guys hitting on me a lot - but they see me as a guy and nothing else.
I'm also stealth, so.

[dalebert]

I would have responded the same way, because I've recently had guys hitting on me a lot - but they see me as a guy and nothing else.

You sound cute. Are you near NH?

BTW, your avatar makes me laugh every time I see it.

[supremecatoverlord]

You sound cute. Are you near NH?

BTW, your avatar makes me laugh every time I see it.

My avatar is pretty great, I know.

And though I'm pretty sure you're joking, I'm actually coincidentally from New England - so, kind of.

[Jeatyn]

At least I'm far enough along that I don't get hit on any more

There is a lesbian couple I see in the library a lot though and they always give me a sort of acknowledging nod and I just want to scream NOOOO I'M NOT BUTCH I'M TRANS...also I like boys ;__; stop relating to me

Saying someone would make a good housewife in this day and age is so not a compliment, even for a woman.

[Traivs]

yeah even if i liked guys which i don't i would have still been just as pissed honestly he's lucky i was at work or else I probably wouldn't have had the will power to walk away without at least saying something or getting physical 

[Felix]

There is a lesbian couple I see in the library a lot though and they always give me a sort of acknowledging nod and I just want to scream NOOOO I'M NOT BUTCH I'M TRANS...also I like boys ;__; stop relating to me

This made me lol. I always look a little longer at lesbians, wondering if they clock me. That's if I notice them. I used to think I had bad gaydar, but now I think portland hipsters just naturally jam all the signals.