First thread, need some help.

[Young Anonymous]

Hello everybody, this is my first post on this site, and I'm not really sure where to post this, even though this is a just a rant to the world.

Here's my story:

Ever since I was little I've always had the want to be a girl, but it was never anything of discomfort, just a feeling that life would be better if I was. This continued until I was about 12 and puberty started and ever since then I've been on and off bouts of depression and denial and this is the most recent and I'm starting to think that I won't transition. Why? Well it isn't because I know I'm not transgender, it's because I'm scared of how I will turn out. How will I look? Will I be passible? I'm tired of hearing the discrimination and the attacks on trans people and I'm just wondering WHY I WOULD EVER WANT TO PUT MYSELF IN THAT POSITION. I mean, life is hell, and depression SUCKS, it's just I don't think I could bear if I wasn't passible if I transitioned. Will I ever find a loving partner who actually loved me? Would I ever get a decent job where I wouldn't get dirty looks or discriminated against. Would my family ever be supportive of me? I know that if I came out to them as bi (which I am) that they would be completely supportive of me it's just that trans would be totally different from them.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just trying to weigh how much life would suck on either side. I mean I could live as a man, but I cringe as I say that... I could live as a "woman". But I'd only ever be a "woman" to society. Ugh. Why does life have to be such BS? Why does there only have to be two options. There's no door number three where life will be great and happy. It's just depression and pain on either side, and to me, they seem to be equal in magnitude. Does anyone/did anyone feel this way? I know I can't be alone.

Sorry if this is the wrong section or whatever. I just needed a new forum as the other LGBT forums are only LGB, and the T is ignored and made fun of.

~ Michelle, or Mitch, I don't even know anymore.

[Constance]

Welcome to Susan's.

Originally, I feared that transition would be a nightmare. So far, I've endured only 1 loss: my marriage. But, my ex-wife is still my friend. The divorce was hard, but our friendship helps with that pain.

I first had "transgender" thoughts somewhere between ages 5 and 7, and I started transitioning when I was 41. Even at that age, I was still worried how my parents and brothers would react. I think that it's just natural to be concerned about reactions.

But for the most part, my transition has been very positive. I'm transitioning on the job with the full support of my bosses, and most of my coworkers. My ex-wife and kids don't hate me. I have the full support of my church, both the clergy and the congregation. I was terribly fearful for how all of these folks would react. But the only way to find out was to come out.

Only you can decide what's right for you. We can be there to offer help and support.

If you haven't already done so, please review the site rules and terms of service.

[JulieC.]

Why do both paths have to have a negative outcome?  Why can't transition lead you to becoming a lovely woman that most people like and support?  Why can't she have a decent job?  Why can't she be happy?  I think one needs to visualize that outcome for it to become reality.  Even if you decide not to transition you can take some small steps to express the woman inside that may help you to feel better.  Life only sucks if you make it suck.